Mikado Endings

WLC 3.6: A Mother's Rage

Outside of the tower, the spellcasters continue to hold off the undead tide.

"Don't you have anything more offensive, Ling?" asks Oighrig, still floating, still maintaining a barrier above, and now gesturing to have her storm spider rain acid spiders onto the mass.

L: What she was attempting to do was have her acid react to the basic bile of some of the worms, but basic worm bile was pretty rare.

"Sorry," says Ling, sarcasm dripping from the word, "I was told to prepare for an ecological disaster, NOT AN UNDEAD ABOMY!"

Melandria winces, "I mean, it's both of those things..."

"Would have been great to know before I brought my daughter down here," yells Ling, conjuring a giant lemon inside of the wormsworn, "Thought it was just going to be some sick plants or the mold flood came back, but no, it's zombie wormageddon." The lemon explodes. "And then ya've got the nerve to talk about my mum."

"What is wrong with your daughter wanting to know her grandmother?" asks Melandria, her shadow arms fling several worms on the ground into the air.

"My mum's a f******g assassin, Mel," says Ling. She slaps the earth and the worms attempting to burrow under the teeth wall turn to solid stone. "She has killed a s***eton of people. Why do think she moved from the surface?"

"Is this really the right time for this?" ask Oighrig, as she and her storm spider launch bolts of lightning into the airborne worms.

"The sun'll go cold before I let my daughter go down that path!" says Ling.

L: Didn't mean that literally, but good work making it true, Jevoi. Guess I can't stop ya from living your dream now. J: At this point, assassin is a step down, but thanks so much for your permission, Mum.

"I am almost out of things to throw at this," says Oighrig, conjuring a web to trap more worms attempting to burrow.

"Mel, don't ya have another Dark Hole?" asks Ling, conjuring a phantom chef that slices, dices, and juliennes several worms.

"I'm running on empty now, too, Ling," says Melandria, her shadow arms skewering worms onto adamantine spears, "Killing the previous ones took too much out of me."

"How many of these things have you fought today!?"

"This is the fifth," says Oighrig, continuing to order her storm spider's blitz.

"Why did ya wait this late to call me?"

"I thought we could handle this," says Melandria, her shadow arms grabbing and tearing the worms open, "I wasn't expecting it to be this incessant."

"I'ma kick your sexy a**e, Mel!" yells Ling, "If it's not dead the third time ya kill it, it's not staying dead!" Gravity reverses for a group of worms and they are brought helplessly up to the phantom chef's cutting zone. "I'm going to make ya watch me destroy Oighrig."

"What did I do?" asks Oighrig, almost taking her eyes off her spider.

"No, positively!" says Ling, "Ya're doing lovely! Keep not-f*****g-up!"

"Boss, we've got the salt!" says Gish and Gash, hauling a large bag on a makeshift trolley.

"Gash, I'ma kick your a**e, too!" says Ling, pulling a book out of pouch, "I gave you one b****y job, you b******d!" She has the book turn itself to the right page. "F**k it, Gish, help your idiot brother make a salt circle around the entire cave."

"The entire cave?" asks Gish, "You cannot be serious."

"Ya heard me!" says Ling, inducing a relative increase in speed to the group, "We need to sanctify this entire place."

WLC 2.9: Call 'Em Vrow

L: As we traveled onward, we almost ran into a pair of Vrow huntresses. D: What's a Vrow? L: Cute elves from the Underdank. They're not as bad nowadays, but they were real bu- nasty back then.

A pair of violet-skinned elves sit in a high alcove, both young, barely out of school. One is dressed in traditional Vrow huntress attire: a black, leather leotard, thigh high boots, shoulder-length gloves, and a quiver of arrows strapped to her back. Dark grey belts hold the outfit up. Her velvet hair is in short ponytail.

L: Not that a Vrow would know what a pony is. D: I don't know what a pony is. J: It's a small horse. I could get you one. D: HHHHHUUUUU? OOOOOO?

The second (a sorceress, clearly) is adorned with what can be very generously described as dark grey armor. The chestplate is more comparable to a metal brassiere and it's matching bottom is a glorified, oversized belt. She's also wearing raised heel pumps. Under her armor, she wears an extremely thin tight dark silk garment with a spider web motif over most of her body, from finger and toe to neck. Thin metal rings on both ring fingers and around her neck hold it in place. Her long braided hair loops around her headpiece, which is akin to a circlet which matches her elaborate staff (also spider-themed).

J: We get it, they love spiders; it's their thing.

"Shooty and spelly in a ridge," says Ling, pointing up.

The adventuring trio hide behind a corner, they've spotted the Vrow first. How fortunate for them that the Vrow are distracted.

J: How did they not hear watergirl's clanking armor? L: Well, ya said to skip to the important bits. Sorry, that included us casting don't-get-caught spells, like Quiet March, and don't-fall-in-holes spells, like Darksight.

"How do we want to handle this?" asks Maraja, "Sneak up and attack? My range options aren't great."

"Hold on," says Ling, "We don't know if they're hostile."

"Thhey're Vrow, dear," says Kalyani, "Thhey will mosst ccertainly attack uss on ssight."

"No, they won-" Ling looks at the religious iconography of her party. "Well, yous, maybe. But look at them; those ladies aren't set to ambush anyone. F'ell, that spelly isn't even dressed for the cave; she's bound to twist an ankle." Ling motions for her companions to stay quiet as she casts a spell upon her bones.

The elves in the alcove sit oblivious to their observers. There's an awkward tension between them; Ling can taste it.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" asks the sorceress, rubbing the walking end of her staff along the drop from the alcove, "I don't know what else I can do."

"It's fine," says the huntress, refusing to make eye contact, "It's my fault, you didn't have to stay with me."

"I'm the one who twisted my ankle," says the sorceress, "So you missed a few shots; everyone has a bad day once in a while, Seònaid."

Seònaid rubs her head. "I'm going to get in so much trouble if I don't kill something." She shuts her eyes. "You know they've doubled the quotas, right? We might have to sell my father."

"Let me help," says the sorceress, "My family's well-off en-"

"I don't want your money, Oighrig," says Seònaid dejectedly, "I have to do this myself. I have to- I have to do something."

D: Couldn't you give her the giant worm you cooked. L: No, we had traveled several hours since then. If another critter hadn't eaten it then, another would've before the Vrow found it. J: The worms are also poisonous.

Oighrig struggles to speak. Ling can sense a desperate desire refusing to come out and casts another spell. Unseen to the elves, a magical bubble overtakes them.

"I love you." Oighrig clamps her hand over her mouth.

"I love you too," Seònaid chuckles and turns toward her, "Thank you. You're my best friend." She calmly loops her arms around and hugs Oighrig. "You al- We've always have each others back," she smiles, "And we always will."

Oighrig hesitantly puts her arms around Seònaid. "Y-y-yeah," she strains against an unseen force, "B-best friends."

Around the bend, Ling whispers to Kalyani, "Ya have anything to push these two? Hormones, music, shove her face in her boobs, something."

"Why- What?"

"I don't know," says Ling, "The mammals love boobs for some reason."

Oighrig suddenly kisses Seònaid, then stares into her eyes in shock.

"Wow," says Seònaid, "I was really down, but I'm so glad you're such a friend." She smiles widely.

"I. Want. You." Oighrig's eye twitches.

Seònaid nods. "To?"

J: How? L: I know. J: Vrow!? L: I know!

"Crikey," almost shouts Ling, "She's denser than b****y osmium. It'd be a piece of p**s for me to root a vejjo bunyip before this dropkick's jocks are off."

"Was that even elven?" asks Maraja.

Kalyani shrugs in equal bafflement. "While thhey're disstracted, we shhould leave."

"Right," says Ling, "I'm 'bout to snap."

WLC 5.7: Free Shipping

Once again, the trio fell into a hole and, once again, they slammed into the ground one on top of the other: Tanglepork, Jevoi, and finally Luminița. The time, though, the floor is a hard wood.

"Get off," says Jevoi, pushing Luminița, "How did you end up on top again?"

"Why did you do that?" asks Luminița, climbing off of the gex, "You were safe. Why try to save me?"

"Don't get weird." Jevoi stands up. "I was only trying to save your hot a**e because you have my tome."

"What."

J: That is not what I said. G: That is exactly what you said.

"My book!" yells Jevoi, panic in her voice, "You have my book. Where is it?"

J: I was not panicking.

"...Back at the house," answers Luminița hesitantly.

"Excuse me," asks an until-now unnoticed woman a meter away, "Are you together?"

The duo finally pause long enough to take in their surroundings. They are in a boarding lounge of a large fancy vessel, polished clean and charmingly decorated. Standing here, in a sailor-esque suit, is a purple-skinned, tentacle-mawed biped holding a clipboard. She patiently awaits a response.

"Are we in Hell?" asks Luminița.

"Help me," mutters Tanglepork.

The woman raises a facial tendril in confusion. "No? What ever gave you that idea? You're aboard the finest interplanar cruise ship in the universe, a dream vessel of romance: the Love Craft. We'll soon be making another run, setting course for adventure." She takes a little bow. "I'm Lurentooz, your cruise director."

"That's... nice," says Jevoi, "How do we get back to Inner Glow?"

"We'll be stopping there in a few days," says Lurentooz, checking her board, "Kun, is it? We've been expecting you." Her eyes flash in realization. "Ling's daughter?"

"Of course..."

WLC 6.E: Bull-headed

"Listen fast," says Ling to the still dazed minotaur, "The kids are alive, there's one witch coming, and the second's getting the third. I've infily'ed their coven and ya're brainwashed. Play along."

Sheriff Honeycrisp has several questions. Unfortunately for him, Zingiber footsteps were slowly growing louder. He lies back into the junk pile, feigning unconsciousness.

"Water for the lady." Zingiber presents a chalice to Ling as if it contained wine or nectar.

"Thanks, mate." Ling chugs it immediately.

"Ready to see my work?" Zingiber sways with glee. "My latest I call Marrow Radiance."

"Can ya make him do stuff?" Ling puts the empty cup down.

"Oh," says Zingiber, deflating, "Like what?"

"I was just wondering if ya knew mind s***e."

"That's Gudrun's thing."

"So, she had him blame someone in town, then?"

Zingiber giggles, "Sort of. She let him just pick someone who'd fit."

"Really now." Ling resists the negative urges rising in the back of her mind. 'Think of the kids, Ling,' she thinks to herself.

"Sheriff, walk to the main room," Zingiber commands, "Any ideas, Dr.?"

Honeycrisp rises and stumbles his way out, quietly grumbling all the while.

As the ladies follow him, Ling asks, "I thought coven's shared magic. Are ya all studying extra things?"

"Yeah, the coven stuff is mostly utility: reshaping land, portals, material conversion."

"Sounds like your boss wants a construction crew," says Ling, carefully navigating the misshaped hall, "Any idea why?"

Zingiber shrugs. It wasn't going to be that easy.

"Can ya make the sheriff do cartwheels?"

"Yeah, but why?" asks Zingiber, "I can do soooo much worse."

"Gotta start small, mate," says Ling as they enter the main room again. "If ya do your big evil s***e now, how do ya top it?"

"Point taken," sings Zingiber, "Alright, moo-man, do s-"

"Zinj, I need to talk to ya," says Gudrun, standing by another door. She scowls at Ling. "In private." She looks to the sheriff. "Watch the doctor," she commands.

"Sure, what's up?" Zingiber dances across the room and follows her coven-mate into the darkness.

"Cartwheels, really?" angrily whispers Honeycrisp.

"Ya want her to pull your skeleton out your a**e?" whispers back Ling, "That one's a loon."

"All you b***hes are loons," says Honeycrisp, "Chaotic w***es the lot of you."

"Ya got a f**king problem, mate?"

"Yeah, c**ts like you!" shouts the sheriff.

"Of course, they do, b*****d," shouts back Ling, "They wouldn't hate ya if ya'd stop being a sack of s***e!"

"You diseased s**t!" Honeycrisp steps forward, his figure towering Ling. "Just here to bang the kidnappers."

"B****y f**kwit!" Ling stands as tall as can, glaring into his eyes. "Just mad ya've been saved by a woman; ya hate us so much."

"You barely count as a woman, p***y-sucking lizard."

"Says the cuckold farm animal!"

"What is this language?" asks Ioana, who had slipped into the room unseen.

"Wow," mutters the diminutive deputy behind her.

WLC 5.3: Women Arguing in Total Darkness

Tanglepork hits the cold, hard ground with a squishy plomp, then gets crushed under Jevoi, and then Luminița, forcing a pair of loud squeaks out of her.

Luminița staggers to her feet, blindly fumbling about.

Jevoi grabs Tanglepork's gun. "Would you look at that," she says, "One of us dropped her weapon." She looks down on the soul of the gnome, scared and prone.

"Okay, Jevoi," says Tanglepork, flipping upright, "Let's talk this out."

"Isn't it sad, Loom?" asks Jevoi glancing at the soul of the blind lycan, "If we were here sooner, we may have saved the sheriff from the wolves."

"Shame that," says Luminița, "Where are we?"

"Now, hold on," says Tanglepork, "You wouldn't hurt a helpless little girl like me, would you?"

"You're, like, ten times older than me," says Jevoi, "It's time to be a big girl, Sheriff."

"Just shoot her," says Luminița, continuing to search for a wall to lean against, "And help me find a way out of here."

"I'm not going to shoot her," says Jevoi, "She was eaten by wolves."

"Why is it my job?" growls Lumnița, "If you want her dead, then kill her yourself!" She trips over something. "Are these bones? Why are there bones?"

"With what?" asks Jevoi, swinging the gnome's gun around, "Her gun with my marks on it? My special knife?"

D: Weren't you trying to do that? L: That's when the cutie had a weapon. G: Yeah, killing someone who can't fight back is uncool.

"Not killing me is good too," says Tanglepork, tightening her arms on her chest, "Also, bones? What kind of bones?"

"So you want my teeth marks on her?" yells Lumnița, getting further away, "Can you even see her down in this devil's a**e?"

"Of course I can. What are you freaking out about?" yells Jevoi, "It's just your nana's basement!"

"My bunica didn't have a basement."

WLC 2.5: To the Underdank!

The two blessed women approach the house of Dr. Ling. The nagi priestess, Kalyani, wearing a leather jerkin and cloth shirt, and the undine champion, Maraja, clad in her armor, both carry the vertical eye icon of Vanessa; Kalyani's on a pendant and Maraja's on her shield.

"Are you sure this is the place?" asks Maraja at the sight of the windowless brick building, "And where is this hole?"

"Look at the ssign," says Kalyani as she points to the plaque by the door, "Food Wizzard; thhiss musst be herss."

Before they can knock, the door swings inward, "G'day, mates," says the gecko clad in dark leather armor and a new (equally ratty) wig, "Ready for the Hole?" She pats the small bag tied to the base of her tail. "Ya do have supplies, right?"

"Yess, dear," says Kalyani, who points to a large bag sitting on the floating disc behind her, "Tent, food, water, sspell sstavess, everythhing we'll need."

"Where's your's, wavey?" asks Ling, eyeing the champion.

"I'm so grateful that you are both taking this seriously," says Maraja, "But don't we have enough?"

L: Can you believe that? Sheila's on the quest unprepared, but the nun's ready in a day.

"Ya ever been to the Underdank?" asks Ling, "There's barely any water, the temperature alternates between extremes, and everything edible is poisonous, ravenous, and/or explosive."

"That-"

"And further on are the gravity waves and seismic shifts, so the whole thing can rearrange while you're down there."

"I unde-"

"And the b*****ds living there: orc barbarians, Vrow huntresses, dweorg slavers, kobold pranksters-"

"I GET IT!" shouts Maraja, "Everything is deadly and terrible, but I can make water." She raises her sword and says, "And I can handle monsters." She swings and points it. "If you can guide me through the caves."

L: I knew it was going to be a hard quest, this one.

"Sister," says Ling to Kalyani, "Anything to say?"

The priestess shakes her head and the two head toward a blue dome about fifty meters away. The champion races after them.

Stationed there stands a smallgoblin in blue leather. His gaze is unfocused as he chews on the end of a wooden stick, its tip alight. The sound of footsteps drags his attention back to reality. "'Ello, Ling," he says, dry.

J: Is that how Mr. Snarbly was back then? L: People tend to be happier not standing near a death pit for eight hours a day. J: I'm glad he quit then. You taking his job at least made someone's life better.

"G'day, Bob," says Ling, expectantly waiting for the guard to open the gate.

He grasps the twig between a pair of fingers. "Reason for leaving?" His voice remains unemotive.

"Right," says Ling, "Different today. On a rescue." She jerks her head toward Kalyani. "There with me."

"Morning, Bobbobo," says Kalyani, as Maraja catches up, "May we pass?"

"Time to return, Sister?" He returns the twig to his mouth.

"Dunno," says Ling, "Maybe days."

Bobbobo claps the fingers of his right hand against its palm, then slaps the dome. The magic barrier become translucent revealing a large hole in the ground with a twenty meter diameter. "Be careful down there."

D: Oh, that's the hole outside! L: Yeah, same one. D: What happened to the dome? L: No one's around to maintain it. J: No one's around to fall into it.

"That's the way in?" asks Maraja, "How far does that go?"

"Four hundred metres straight down," recites Bobbobo, "The Township of Rankedge 'olds no responsibility for your safety. It is advised not to enter the Underdank."

"How are we to go down that?" asks the woman in platemail.

Ling wiggles her exposed fingers and toes. "Well, I'm climbing," she says, "But you could ride that disc."

J: Please, tell me she tried that. L: Nah, smart enough to avoid it. J: Shame.

"I do have a few sspellss to sspare," says Kalyani, adjusting her gloves, "The shhrine had thesse sspider glovess in sstorage."

The smallgoblin blinks slowly. "When you return-"

"Ring the bell. I know," says Ling, "We do this every week, Bob."

WLC 6.5: Weapon Identification

"To what end are you traveling, Loomy and Bacon?" asks the radiant lady of the pond, looming above the water, staring down at them. The two speak over each other.

"Visiting my bunica," says Loomy.

"Searching for danger," says Bacon.

"Both of these things?" Ms. Aurocor tilts her head, "And nothing more?"

The duo look at each other for a moment, understanding the risky nature of their situation, then Loomy says, "Some kids are missing. Have you seen any come by?"

"No, I have not," says Ms. Aurocor, "But, alas, I have been here nary a week." She sits in midair, crossing her legs. "And of that time, my focus has been inward. Only these discarded blades have stolen my attention, cast into me by parties unknown."

"Can we see them?" asks Bacon.

"Verily," says the lady diving into the lake, "Mayhaps, you can identify their owners." She emerges four swords held awkwardly in her arms.

The iron sword is a straight short-sword with a typical elven hilt, somewhat fancy, but not overly so. This could belong to anyone who could afford a blade.

D: What's a short-sword? L: A big knife. A: Technically, not wrong. They're usually no longer than sixty centimeters and are built to be used with one hand.

The steel sword is a great-sword with a dwarven-style hilt, a weapon for a true warrior. Unfortunately, warriors are common to Rankedge, but someone who lost a blade this well-crafted would surely be searching for it.

D: What's a great-sword? L: Bigger sword. A: Unhelpful, but still not wrong. It'd would be longer than you are tall, Dalini.

Held carefully between the other weapons, so as to avoid direct contact with Ms. Aurocor, the silver sword is a horrifyingly serrated bastard-sword of crude goblin-make; more an instrument of torture than anything else. It is stained with hardened blood. The girls cannot identify its owner, nor would they care to meet them. Yet, still, this may prove useful.

D: What's a bastard-sword? L: It's a b*****d's sword. J: Mum, don't say that. L: What? This bloody bastard-sword belonged to a b****y b*****d. A: It's just a weapon of a very specific size; longer and heavier than one-handed weapons, but shorter and lighter than two-handers.

Finally, the gold sword is a not a sword at all. It is a wave-bladed dagger with an upturned spiked hilt. This weapon is easily recognizable.

A: Silver, I understand, but why gold? L: Gold's a good conductor. Mages are creative.

"That's the sheriff's Tei Zing dagger," says Bacon, "Who could have taken that?"

"Whose to say she didn't drop it?" asks Ms. Aurocor.

"No way the sheriff would've thrown his favorite weapon away," says Loomy.

"Oh, 'his'?" says the lady of the pond, "Then it can't have been; I've only heard two fellows around here. One I know is not your sheriff, and the other I should hope isn't."

"Who are these blokes?" asks Loomy.

"My friend has business around here; he's an educator, of sorts," says Ms. Aurocor, "The other is a svelte ne'er-do-'ell who comes forth, looming around at night. He leaves strange notes and letters on trees. Avoid him."

"Is he dangerous?" asks Bacon, "That sounds important."

"No, he's just... annoying," says the lady of the pond, she retreats, blade in tow, back into her aquatic home, "Good luck, honest travelers."

WLC 5.B: Slippery When Wet

Jevoi awakens slowly. Her body greatly resists separation from the bed, adhering itself to it like honey. With considerable effort, she rises.

The cabin's shower is pleasant and its water warm. As she cleans her scales, Gank keeps watch on the cabin. The ship's distractions may not avail the lawgnome's thievish intent.

There had been no disturbances during the night, or whatever could be considered night in space. Does time even flow here in this outer void?

'She's here,' thinks Gank, 'Keep the water on.'

Jevoi slips silently back into the cabin's other room. Despite the door out still being shut, Jevoi can clearly see the gnome searching her things. Naked, but armed, Jevoi sneaks closer.

Tanglepork suddenly turns around, gun drawn. "Walked right into this, Kiddo," she says, "Where's it at?"

"Where's what?" asks Jevoi.

"Don't be coy~, Jevoi~," sings Tanglepork, "The faeriedust: where is it?"

"You think I'm some addict?" snarls Jevoi, still dripping wet, "Why would I have that?"

"You make it?" Tanglepork's voice carries sarcastic confusion. "I'm the one keeping my overzealous deputies from undoing your mommy."

"Cretin," yells Jevoi, "You have done my mum!"

"Every woman in town has done your mommy," Tanglepork rolls her pretty little eyes, "Regardless, you need to pay your taxes~."

"I'm not bribing you," says Jevoi, "How did you even get in here?"

L: I wish.

A: She doesn't pay taxes?

J: That's not- can we focus here?

"I asked Lurentooz for the key." Tanglepork holds up a purple tendril-esque key; it squirms in her hand. "Even out here, the law is abided."

Bushido Blade 1 Story Mode

The Story mode of the original game is somewhat oddly designed.

First, you either defeat four opponents, or lure your starting opponent across a huge map to an escape hole. You can either break their leg so they can't follow you, or fight them in the cave when they chase you in.

Either way, you will then fight the fifth through nine opponents in confined stages for the ending. All while not violating the rules of honor.

However, if you didn't fight the second through fourth opponents and never got hit by anything. You can fight the secret tenth enemy.

This video showcases Mikado's story mode cutscenes. First, the scenes for killing her friends in a few different locations (there's around thirty locations these can play at), then the unavoidable fights. Followed by the scenes of her friends killing her in their stories. Then we repeat both set of friend clips again in different locations while everyone is covered in mud. The unavoidable fighters cannot be covered in mud.

Hanzaki (the ninth guy) only has his defeat scene play if you're going to fight the secret boss. Canonically, he's also the only one who died. (Maybe Kindachi, one of the secret bosses, does, but personally I think he's a ghost.)

WLC 6.G: Magic Duel 3v3

L: The first rule of magic duels is don't get into magic duels. The second is to remain calm; if ya lose your s***e, ya soon won't have s***e left to lose.

The first to move is Tanglepork. Dodging an opportune swipe of Ioana's claws as she runs away, she reloads her gun. She quickly turns and fires, but her nerves betray her and the bullet barely misses the lycan's head.

Ioana's fierce gaze remains locked on her prey as she commands the air to twist around her. It becomes like a miniature tornado as she chases after the gnome.

Gudrun locks eyes with the minotaur. "Obey me," she says, her eyes alight.

L: The third rule of magic duels is to know what your opponent can do and prepare to counter it.

"Not this time, b***h," says Honeycrisp, shaking off the force trying to insert itself into his mind.

Gudrun pulls out a silver wand. "Fine."

Honeycrisp focuses and magic courses through his body, accelerating him. Sparks dance upon his horns.

L: Corollary: Know what your opponent knows ya can do and don't do it.

Ling raises a wall of ribs, splitting a third of the room away, isolating the lycan and the deputy from the rest of them. The massive ribs connecting ceiling to floor have gaps too small for most of the room's occupants. "This way, Porky," commands Ling, as she positions herself by the passage to the portal room.

J: How many wall of bones spells do there really need to be?

"Ling," whines Zingiber, "You're supposed to be fighting me." She releases a blast of glittery fire into Ling's face, but the gex licks her eyes clean.

Tanglepork takes a liking to the idea of people not seeing things and turns invisible, then attempts to sneak around Ioana to reach the bone wall. Her steps are calculated to match the rhythm of the other fighters.

Ioana sniffs about and detonates a burst of fire where she believes the gnome to be hiding, but by some gnomish trickery (possibly breakdancing), the deputy remains unharmed.

Gudrun fires a purple beam from her wand, but Honeycrisp defects it with his horn. "S***e," she says, calmly. Foreseeing the sheriff's next move, she conjures a shield in front of her.

Honeycrisp charges forward, his horns smash open the shield. While his target is unharmed by that, the hook to her face makes quite the impact, knocking free a tooth, which explodes. The shrapnel then defies physics and embed themselves in the dwarf's neck.

Ling conjures a facsimile of a dryad -a type of tree nymph- that wraps her arms around the elf. "Hey there, cutie," says the dryad with a wink.

L: Preventing your opponent from casting at all is the strongest option. A lot of magic requires somantics.

Zingiber forces an arm free. "Getting off on this, Dr. Ling?" She gestures wildly. "Then check this!"

Unfortunately for Zingiber, her spell fails for multiple reasons: Tanglepork is out of the area, Honeycrisp (bull) and the dryad (plant) don't have the targeted anatomy, and Ling, because of her experiences in Wizard School, always begins the day with protective spells like Genital Mirror Shield. Thus, the caster herself is the only affected person.

Zingiber clutches her guts as her Ovarian Explosion nearly rips apart her insides. "Mistake."

J: Who even crafted that? Why make that?

"Serves ya right," shouts Ling.

Invisible, Tanglepork sneaks up to the ribs while quietly reloading her weapon and squeezes through. Aiming back through, she takes another shot breaking her disguise. The bullet, buffeted by the wind, glances the lycan's shoulder. "Oh, come on," the deputy grumbles.

If Ioana were the beast she looked like, she'd just run up to the ribs and try to smash through, but the witch is smarter than that. The bones form a fence she can cast through and, with the wind making her a difficult target, she's free to do so. She condenses a suffocating cloud around the gnome. "You can't escape," she growls.

"Help me," demands Gudrun to Zingiber, taking a defensive step away. She locks eyes with Ling and a mental bomb causes her to recoil in pain.

J: How many counters do you have? L: One more than I think I'll need.

"Time to put you b***hes in your place," says Honeycrisp.

"Can you shut your f**king mouth for five b****y minutes!" yells Ling.

"Great idea!" Honeycrisp forms a zone of silence around himself and lunges headfirst into Gudrun, impaling her on his horns and lifting her off the ground.

L: A lot of magic requires incantations too.

Now unable to hear, the false dryad looks to Ling for instruction. Ling gestures for her to keep Zingiber in that area close to the sheriff. Ling then condenses the cloud around the deputy into a shield of water.

Zingiber punches and knees the dryad, bashing onto bark-coated flesh. Breaking free, she scrambles out of the inaudible zone.

Tanglepork peers around the shield (reloading) and focuses on that first bullet, the one that's still in the back of the lycan's skull. The tiny piece of lead becomes hotter, burning its way into the witch's brain.

Screeching with pain, Ioana draws in through the floor as much spiritual energy as she can. The sheriff cannot avoid having part of his soul drained and the dryad wilts, while Tanglepork's fidgeting about causes her to be less effected and Ling avoids it entirely by hopping onto the wall, taking note that Zingiber is casually unaffected.

Gudrun thrashes about, desperately trying to free herself from the horns. Her punches and kicks are not enough, however.

A bright light flashes the room as Honeycrisp channels electricity through his horns and Gudrun's body. He then charges at Zingiber slapping her across the room with her dwarven cohort's charred, but still living body.

L: Anything is a weapon. Everything is a weapon.

Ling takes a moment to think. Two of these witches should be dead now; why aren't they? It must be that contract. She commands the weakened dryad to grab the elf again (which she does). Ling yells, "Porky, we need to leave."

Zingiber once again forces her arms free to aim another spell and then shoves the dryad away. The sheriff collapses as his muscles detach themselves from his bones. Ling recognizes her own spell, Tendon Tearer.

As Tanglepork continues to burn a hole through Ioana's head, she yells to Ling, "How?" She takes another shot from the other side of the shield, sinking a bullet into the lycan's chest. "Eat that!"

Ioana retreats to the entrance door, as if daring her enemies to try to get through her. She stomps on the ground, causing the already misshapen cubes of the room to twist around becoming a series of crude pyramids. Now even just standing here is an issue.

Gudrun pries her body off of the sheriff's horns and pathetically crawls away. Her bleeding, burnt body struggling to cross the threshold of sound due to the floor's sudden shift.

Honeycrisp sends a message via vibration directly through the floor and wall to Ling's ear bones. While she doesn't know the exact meaning, it isn't hard to guess the intent.

J: Why would you keep saving him? L: Because it's the right thing to do. A: Meat shield.

Ling restores the sheriff's ability to move -his muscles reattaching themselves- and orders the dryad to muzzle the elf; the dryad's solution is to shove her hand into Zingiber's mouth.

Zingiber bites the hand and pulls a brown jewel out of her robe. She stabs it into the dryad's ear and detonates it. The dryad's mostly headless body dissipates.

Tanglepork pulls a glass bottle out of her pocket and lodges it into the barrel of her gun. The special bottle is launched by the force of her shot and explodes on impact with the lycan, whose whirling winds erupt into flame. "Give up already!"

Ioana quickly draws the moisture in the air (and the water shield) onto her person, suffocating the fire. Realizing her wind had burned away, she conjures a shield to deflect further gunfire.

Gudrun crawls further from the sheriff and attempts to scramble his brain, but cannot tell what effect she actually has.

Honeycrisp leaps with intent to crush the elf, but his vision is blurred and wobbly like a drunkard, and he smashes his fist centimeters away from her head. She weaves around the following blows.

Ling continues to rack her brain. She kicks off a burst of mental energy, accelerating her thoughts. Zingiber mentioned several construction-related spells and this lair is blatantly artificial, that entity needs mortals to interact with this world, and the witches seemed to have thought that sacrificing children into the portal was the point. ...Maybe they built the portal? So, having them harm it would break the contract?

"Porky, this way," she yells as she forms an arrow of light pointing to herself in front of Honeycrisp, "Pull back!" Ling hopes that the witches will follow after them.

While Honeycrisp is distracted, Zingiber sees an opportunity. The sheriff's horns are covered in her friend's blood. Reaching up and grabbing them, the elf drives the blood like knives into his skin and rips his face off.

A: I like this woman. Obviously became a demon.

"You f**king b***h!" Tanglepork's rage cannot penetrate the muted bubble the elf remains in, but her bullet can, barely grazing Zingiber's nose.

"Time to end this," says Ioana, teleporting right behind the deputy. A swipe of her claw slices open the gnome's backside.

"Help me," calls out Gudrun, putting pressure on her bleeding wounds. She tries to lock eyes with the deputy, but the gnome is too wrought with emotion.

Bleeding profusely, Honeycrisp slams his fists into the elf's guts, sparks passing through her organs with each strike.

"Can't get near the k**bhead," Ling grumbles. She calls upon the sheriff's flesh to mend itself, stealing pieces of Zingiber's hands in the process.

Zingiber dodges another swing as she rolls out of the silent bubble and does a wild swinging display spraying her own blood about into floating runes that drive themselves into the sheriff. On contact, the pieces of herself stuck in his face explode, taking his head with them.

Screaming with rage and grief, Tanglepork races toward Ling across the crooked, spiky floor and tries to shoot the blood-dancing elf. The bullet comes nowhere close.

Ioana chases after and commands pieces of the stone floor to erupt as a cage around the gnome, but the agile deputy leaps to freedom.

"Stop," demands Gudrun, but the deputy refuses.

L: But the most important rule of a magic duel is:

"We're getting the kids," yells Ling, ostensibly to Tanglepork, "And then we're getting the f**k out of here." She conjures a massive potato to block the lycan's path.

"No, you're not," yells Zingiber forming further runes. With a great forceful push, the corpse of the sheriff is launched at the doctor, who dives out of the way. The body tumbles into the corridor and explodes, collapsing the tunnel.

L: Never forget why you're fighting.

"Zingiber, you fool!" yells Ioana, but it is too late.

"The final line has been crossed," announces a booming voice, "No simple task was beneath your ability to fail. The violation of the contract has ceded all boons I have blessed upon you."

From the liquid metal in Ioana's brain and the burnt, ruptured organs in Gudrun's body, the two die with no fanfare.

"What?" Zingiber staggers forward in confusion, the blood-loss killing her slowly. "That's not fair."

Tanglepork stops running. Ling and she carefully walk toward Zingiber. "You killed my boss," says Tanglepork, out of breath.

"Whatever," says Zingiber, focusing on Ling, "Going to kill me, Ling? Plenty of ways to make me suffer. You could sta-"

"I'm talking to you," says the deputy.

"I don't want y-"

BANG

The deputy helps Zingiber paint the ceiling a delightful new shade of pink.

"Bl'ell, Porky," mutters Ling, "You didn't-"

"It's over." Tanglepork sits down.

Ling turns to the collapsed passage. "I'll get the kids..." She looks around at the bloody mess that was once three witches. "...And ya... deal with this?"