Awwwwwwww, Here It Goes.
awwwwwwww, here it goes.
the last time i went on a major trip outside of the country, i went to england and france during my junior year of high school. when i boarded the plane that would take us from france back to the u.s., i thought to myself:
"wow. what an unforgettable experience. i'm gonna remember this for the rest of my life."
unfortunately, beyond what i can remember by looking at the few pictures that i took with my digital camera, i really don't remember much about that "unforgettable experience." i can remember what the paris skyline looked like, but i don't really remember what standing on the top of the eiffel tower felt like. i remember that we ate authentic fish and chips in london, but i don't really remember what it tasted like.
i don't know if the "let's-see-how-much-we-can-do-in-two-weeks" nature of the trip, my poor memory, or just the fact that it's been three years is responsible for my inability to remember that trip. it's probably a combination of all three. i wouldn't expect this issue to get better with age.
HENCE, THE TRAVEL BLOG.
in case you don't know, or if you couldn't tell from the ridiculous title of this blog, i'm studying abroad in AUSTRALIA. for four months. that's way longer than two weeks. so, this blog isn't only gonna contain what i see and what i eat; it's gonna be a document of what i feel; what i taste; what i hear; what i think. yeah, it sounds a little corny--but that's okay. i want to remember every single detail of this trip. i hope you'll read this often and enjoy reliving the experience with me, even if i italicize and bold my words excessively.
so, in the weeks leading up to my departure, i'll be making posts about how i'm preparing to survive in another country for an entire semester. i'll talk about places i want to visit, things i want to do, any traveling tips i come across, and how much i'm freaking out/hyperventilating/sh*tting my pants/crying as july 15th approaches. STAY TUNED, MATES.
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what the hell do i know?
one thing that i've noticed upon coming home to arizona is that i've given more scrutiny to the individual behaviors of my family. it sounds almost clinical or psychological--but it's not a process i actively engage in for some sort of cold, scientific purpose. i think it's just part of being away from them for so long; i feel like i've become more sensitive not only to the things that make me miss them, but also to the things about them that i don't miss at all while i'm at school in los angeles (or in the case of this past semester, australia).
what i'm interested in is what i do in response when these things make themselves evident. i catch myself chastising my siblings, parents, or friends, either out loud or quietly to myself, when they do something or act in a certain way that , from my perspective, is wrong or disrespectful. i feel a sense of entitlement, like my self-supposed worldliness enables me, even obligates me to tell them what's right from what's wrong.
i guess what i struggle with is this protective desire to better my family, to make them more cultured, to make their lives more enjoyable, to broaden their sometimes narrow worldviews (again, from my perspective). but the fact of the matter is that i am one sibling away from being the youngest member of my whole family. relative to the older five members, what the hell do i know?
honestly, and i don't say this to gloat, i think the answer to that question is: a lot. one thing that's nice about having a large family is that we all bring so many unique perspectives to the table. random facts: my dad joined the u.s. navy in the middle of college while in the philippines, so that he could raise money to send back home to my grandparents; my older brother and older sister have been in relationships for almost ten years each; my little sister is the youngest of five children; i'm the only one who's attended university in los angeles. these aren't necessarily earth-shattering differences by any means, but they illustrate something i think i understand a little bit better: the members of a family all have different experiences and think and act in different ways that may sometimes clash. i think what makes the family strong is how they stick together through it all.
so while i definitely don't think i should try to force my ideas about what's proper on anybody in my family, i don't think it's necessarily wrong to share them, as long as i do it tactfully and respectfully. i'm lucky that they know it's just out of love.
No one breaks your heart more than you do by overthinking every goddamn little thing
