Just Saw Heretic And It Is So Right About The Inherent Horror In Questioning Your Beliefs, In The Dawning

GPA

Every single test

Every Single quiz

Every single report card

I didn’t do it for me

I did it for you

I did it because it was all you ever talked about

It was all you ever valued

It's all you ever saw in anyone else

I thought that if the numbers were high enough

I thought that if I got close enough to four point oh

You would love me

You would see me

You would finally hold me

But you did not

You don't

And you never will

It was all for nothing. 

I have wasted it all

And now i am gone

here and now

Here and now I stand still.

Wind bends around my cheeks.

The earth is still yet somehow I move at a million miles an hour.

(yet my feet never leave the place they are rooted )

Life is frozen in time, yet everyone I know is fifteen years into the future.

My life is groundhog’s day, except that i can't get out. 

Trust me, I've tried.

Air doesn't fill my lungs the same way anymore.

Have I overstayed my welcome?

Where do I belong?

Who do I have?

I have nobody.

I trust nobody, yet I love so many.

I think that there are people who say they love me out of pity.

I miss having someone I could call and spill my tainted blood to.

All the lies I've told.

All of the thoughts that have fought their way from the pits of my stomach to my lips.

Poisoned by my own voice

Betrayed by my own truth.

A cycle of apology and transgression.

Here and now, I come to a close.

God

Why?

Why would you suck the color out of life? 

Who ever saw a sunset as dull as this?

What cause did you have for stealing the pigment of humanity, if not to hoard it?

What is gained by poisoning a love so true?

Is Godliness not salvation?

silly goofy post

one thing about me is that I WILL be trying and failing to rhyme, just for sillies. 

the little things

Sometimes, when I feel the way I do, I like to think about the little things. 

The little things that make life worth living. 

(at least for a while)

Like the way blushes grow on human cheeks. 

Little things like the sound that can be only heard when rain and laughter marry. 

Like lighting a candle while you start a new book. 

The perfect little notification you waited all day for. 

The way making someone else laugh sits on your chest for a while. 

The way blades of grass fit neatly between your toes

The completion of a simple task. 

The sound a dog’s collar makes as it walks. 

(it's the little things)

It's the tiniest of things too. 

The three-feet-distance between the desks of two friends.

That one freckles that girl you barely speak to anymore, but still makes you laugh. 

The glitter in someone’s eye that just never leaves.

The smallest possible paper crane that you made in class last Tuesday. 

(it's the little things)

It's also the big things. 

Like the first kiss you had that really mattered. 

Like the letter you never thought you’d get.

Knowing that she’s okay, even if you aren’t. Not anymore. 

It’s the realization that you understand. Even though it's a bit too late

But most of all it's the little things.

“stop traumadumping to your friends tell this to your therapist” my god they paywalled human connection

“my hair journey” what journey did you go on. “journey.” that’s no journey. you had shoulder length hair and you grew it out. the word you want is progression. do not bring frodo and odysseus into this discussion.

in the pilot jackie teases shauna abt her “catholic phase” and to that shauna responds that she liked the saints bc she thought they were “so tragic”. in the last ep of s1 during their fight the first insult shauna calls jackie is tragic. she calls her other things too but its so intresting that the first thing she thinks of is tragic. to me thats like a freudian slip. jackie was shaunas saint.

what if we got lost in the woods & performed dark rituals & engaged in homoerotic acts of cannibalism to survive the frozen winter (and also we were girls)