Random Destiny With Buzzfeed Unsolved Quotes (i Think.)

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me throughout the year: if only i could justify buying this Thing :/ Maybe christmas or my birthday.

my mom: give me a list of things you want for christmas/your birthday

me: i have never wanted for anything ever in my entire life

i know its the mets, but this is the coolest shit i’ve ever seen a human being do

how eat

Memory: Broken

Truth: Unspoken

Name: Forgotten

Season: Unknown

Reason: Unknown

Action: Standing here holding my blade

Place: Desolate

Trace: None

Feel: Cold wind

Spite: Me

Action: Stand up and fight

Only thing I know for real: Bloodshed

Man in mirror: Nods head

One left: runs up on the dragon’s back

Mountains: don’t give back what they take

Oh: No

Bloodshed: Only thing I’ve ever known

Identity: lost

Insane: wondering

Truth: In front of me

Mountain range: Climbing

Looking: Downward from this deadly height

Why I fight: never realized

on the topic of humans being the intergalactic “hold my beer” species: imagine an alien stepping onto a human starship and seeing a space roomba™ with a knife duct taped onto it, just wandering around the ship

it doesn’t have any special intelligence. it’s just a normal space roomba. there are other space roombas on the ship and they don’t have knives. it’s just this one. knife space roomba has full clearance to every room in the ship. occasionally crew members will be talking and then suddenly swear and clutch their ankle. knife space roomba putters off, leaving them to their mild stab wounds.

“what is the point?” asks the alien as another crew member casually steps over the knife-wielding robot. “is it to test your speed and agility?”

“no it doesn’t really go that fast,” replies the captain.

“does it teach you to stay ever-vigilant?”

“I mean I guess so but that’s more of a side effect.”

“does it weed out the weak? does it protect you from invaders? do repeated stabbings let your species heal more quickly in the future?”

“it doesn’t stab very hard, it gets us more than it gets our enemies, and no, but that sounds cool — someone write that down.”

“but then what is its purpose?”

“I don’t know,” the captain says, leaning down to give the space roomba an affectionate pat. “it just seemed cool”

kirby music