Dick: Hey Dami, Made Anyone Cry Today?

Cullen: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Bruce: What did you do?

Cullen: Nobody died.

Bruce: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Diana: Why are you on the floor?

Bruce: I'm depressed.

Bruce: Also I was stabbed, can you get Clark, please.

Bruce: Are you listening to me?

Robin Dick Grayson: *nods*

Bruce: What did I just say?

Robin dick Grayson: *nods*

Bruce: ...

🦇Bruce Wayne Headcanons 🦇

- Bruce wears reading glasses and puts them on whenever he needs to see something up close, so there’s a good chance if you walk in the bat cave you will see Batman squinting through a pair of cheap reading glasses at the bat computer.

- He smells good, but as he’s gotten older he’s beginning to smell like an old man.

- You cannot tell me Bruce has the loudest ringtone on earth and he stalks his whole family ( Including Red Hood) on Life360.

- “Live Laugh Love”

- He will try to use words to seem hip in front of his kids and it fails horribly. Example:

(Bruce picks Damian up from school)

Bruce: How was your day today, son?

Damian: tch. not too irritating, I guess.

Bruce: That’s very poggers.

Damian: 🤦

Duke: I can explain.

Bruce: Can you?

Duke: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Bruce: How was your day, Damian?

Damian: Yeah, fine, it's anti-bullying week at school.

Bruce: Oh? And what does that mean?

Damian: It means I can't bully anyone for a whole week.

Bruce: Where are you going?

Selena: Hell, eventually.

I think even if had context to this. I think this would be weird

Black canary: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Dick: It’s not a joke.

Dick: *sniffles*

Dick: I’m a legit snack.

Bruce: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Stephanie: No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Bruce: ….

Bruce: What?

Stephanie: I need to feed my Neopets!