Stephanie : *Kicks The Door Down Looking Panicked*

Alfred: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.

Tiny emo Bruce: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.

Alfred: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

Bruce: I'll offer you some friendly advice-

Jason: I don't want your advice.

Bruce: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

Duke: I can explain.

Bruce: Can you?

Duke: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Wally : What are amphetamines?

Dick: Drugs that can go on land and water.

Wally : Ohhhh.

Bruce: Are you listening to me?

Robin Dick Grayson: *nods*

Bruce: What did I just say?

Robin dick Grayson: *nods*

Bruce: ...

Oh my gosh I saw this while scrolling through Pinterest and had to post this

Duke: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Dick: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Dick: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming

Barbara: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

______________

Damian: I'm a reverse necromancer.

Carrie: Isn't that just killing people?

Damian: Ah, don’t sweat the details .

______________

Jason: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

Dick: Twelve, actually.

Jason: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

Dick: Yours!

Jason: That's right: no one's.

_______________

Damian: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Steph: I think you mean cards.

Damian, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.

________________

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Bruce Wayne please come to the front desk?

Bruce, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to the batkids

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Dick, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Bruce: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

__________________

Barbara: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Luke: You people already know too much about me.

Tiffany: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

______________________

Tim: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it

Cullen: Just rip the bandage off.

Tim: It’s Kon.

Cullen: Put the bandage back on.

Wally: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

Dick: Awww, thanks-

Wally: That’s not a good thing.

Dick: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

Dick: I can't believe you've done this.....

Wally: I'm sorry I didn't know-!

Dick, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!