🐝 This Bee Is Rooting For You. He Knows You’re Gonna Be Okay

How to Tell a Woman is Faking It: General Rules of Thumb

Peeking out of retirement to speak on this.

So I’m on PornHub getting wet over Ryan Madison vids, as you do. I come across one where he’s up to his usual shit, but according to over 230 likes in the comments, this one somehow stands heads and shoulders above the rest. Why?

Because this time, the chick “reaaaallly seems into it!” “Great chemistry!” “I think she really wanted him to cum in her!”

I re-watch, thinking I’d missed something, but nope. This chick remained one of the worst fakers, and these poor bastards didn’t know the difference.

I’m here to put you niggas on.

How to Tell a Woman is Faking: General Rules of Thumb

1.) Loud, Staccato Noises

This chick’s (and so many others’) tell was a litany of loud moans that all sounded the same in tone, pitch and volume. To the untrained (i.e. typical male) ear, the volume and consistency suggested intensity, when in reality it was just bad acting.

Her entire focus was on MAKING NOISE bc there was no PHYSICAL pleasure to preoccupy her. A woman headed for a real nut does not have the mental capacity to make sure she sounds “good”

A pleasured woman releases (notice I didn’t say “makes” as that suggests manufacture) a varied series of sounds - grunts, groans, sighs, coos, whimpers, screams and swears - all at different intensities, pitch and volume. The sounds are unchecked bc she’s too preoccupied with cumming to give a damn.

And let me tell you, if a woman’s cumming hard, she can sound every bit as guttural as a man. If all you’re ever getting is gentle, Princess Peach sighs, your stroke is likely lacking.

*If she sounds like she’s giving birth, running a marathon, enjoying a delicious meal, or reacting to a gift of money or jewelry, you’re doing it right.*

Note: A lot of ladies make little or no noise at all, and that’s fine. She will still give you physical cues. If she starts grabbing at your hair, shoulders, ass or arms, she’s into it. Rubbing her clit is a good sign too. (Watch how she rubs it, then pull out and replicate her movements with the tip of your dick. Thank me later.) Means it feels good and she’s trying to make it feel even better.

2.) Limp Feet

If she’s not a.) driving her heels into the mattress (or into your back), b.) flexing her feet, or c.) curling her toes, odds she came are SLIM to NONE. If you are a girl who can cum hard without getting your feet involuntarily involved, please let me know bc you are a rare and beautiful bird.

3.) Talking Shit

Dirty talk is great in the beginning, but if she’s doing it non-stop, she’s probably nowhere near cumming. She should’ve at least paused at the moment of climax. When it’s on, I can’t even remember my own fucking name, much less encourage you to fill my dirty fuckhole with your hot man mustard. If you’ve done your job right, your girl should barely be coherent, much less conversational.

4.) Excessive Smiling or Giggling

Same idea as above. Getting fucked to within an inch or your life is no laughing matter. If you’re really about to make me cum hard, my only concerns are grabbing onto something and trying to survive. I ain’t got no time to be flirty or cute with you.

5.) Blank or Unchanging Facial Expression

One of the last vids I watched was of a flawless black goddess clearly enjoying every stroke she was getting. Her noises were genuine and sexy, a natural expression of the pleasure she was feeling. Her expression looked a bit like she was going to cry.

Some dumbass comments, “Boy, she makes it look like it hurts.”

I’m not mad at dumbass. Just disappointed at how grossly mislead some of you guys are.

Understand, good dick humbles us. It makes us want to be better people. Makes us appreciate life, love and God’s beautiful creation. It makes us want to water our plants more consistently, suck our man’s dick better, adopt a puppy. And when we feel this way, we sometimes look like we want to cry a little because maybe sometimes we do. A lil.

An authentic female orgasm face can also include:

a.) look of actual outrage at how good the dick is,

b.) look of tender awe like we’re seeing Jesus at the Transfiguration bc your dick has saved our soul

c.) look of mild disgust with ourselves bc we know we’ll now put up with anything to keep getting such quality dick

That’s about it. I know some fellas are savvy enough to have put all this together already, but I’m shocked and saddened at the number of men are totally fooled.

Please support your pornstars. They are earning a living, and it’s not their fault the sex is garbage. Like a lot of girls irl, they just wanna make you cum, even if they can’t:(

Please take these cues to heart. If you spot your chick faking, do better.

TL;DR Too loud, monotone, smiley and consistently so - she’s faking. Looks and sounds slightly mournful, lightheaded or surprised, exhibits little control of body and voice, she’s cumming.

god. white adjacent poc who defend racism drive me b@tshit! my dude, the whites dont actually want you, so why are you doggedly attempting to earn approval points by telling them that appropriation is kool, fun, and completely ok? do you honestly think that by surrendering an aspect of your culture to white appropriation, that you’ll attain some manner of magical immunity to racism and violence when the supremacists come knocking at your door, because you defended them and told them it was ok to steal and disrespect cultural practices and symbols? 

also, who tf died and made you the token spokesperson for an entire marginalized culture? (esp. with things that are shared between cultures that have historically overlapped and mingled – it isn’t really your place as an individual to give permission to white people to appropriate smth.! if it isn’t from your culture (or entirely from your culture alone) or the same thing/something very similar belongs to neighboring cultures (possibly as a product of historical interaction and cultural overlap, like e.g. henna,  or maybe the wearing of feathers in a specific manner amongst various indigenous groups  (all for different purposes but it isn’t the place of one person to sign over Permission for whites to wear ceremonial headdresses of that type), then it isn’t something that you alone can actively “give away” to white people. 

white adjacent poc who defend the actions of whites who are guilty of cultural appropriation are the reason that marginalized identities are literally made into halloween costumes and fashion accessories. 

this also contributes to the idea that poc aren’t as worthy to be white equals; like we have to “earn our place” by actively giving/surrendering to white people something of ours for them to use/benefit from (and this leads to white artists using sacred/culturally-specific imagery and profiting off it immensely, while creators from that very culture get approximately nothing) which is also not a good look bc we shouldn’t have to “earn” equality as it’s a basic fucking human right but ok 

i understand that in some cases, this is driven by a desire for representation and to be seen/appreciated by white people, but this isn’t the correct route to be taking, here. if you want to share your culture, how abt finding somebody who, idk, actually fucking respects and genuinely appreciates both you and said culture first? idk man just a Thought

i think there is something about people who were abused/neglected as kids that makes us embrace things that others consider monstrous. i dont think its a coincidence most of us like “creepy” animals like rats and crows. i dont think its a coincidence that we are the first to jump to the defense of “worthless” plants like dandelions. its why we get so attached to old toys and broken things. when you spend your whole life believing you’re not wanted, it turns you into a defender of the other unwanted things in the world. and you’re not just protecting them - you’re protecting the part of yourself that still believes you deserve to exist. just like they do. just like we all do.

Never apologize for being yourself. I support you all

✓ yes I hallucinate

✓ yes I have delusions

✓ yes I’m psychotic

✗ no this doesn’t make me “scary”

✗ no this doesn’t make me “dangerous”

✗ no this doesn’t mean I’m gonna hurt you

it’s time we stop acting like psychosis is so scary and psychotic people are evil. we’re more likely to be victims than to victimize.

Thank you for saying this. Not all Black/brown Christians became one as a result of white people. Orthodox Christians in places like Ethiopia and Coptic Christians in Sudan and Egypt exist, and have been peacefully coexisting with other religions.

when y’all bash christianity, make sure you bash western christianity. lumping all christians into a monolith is racist :) (conviently ignoring middle eastern, african and black, latin american, asian christians). and if you’re writing posts like “all christians suck” then you’re ignoring tons of non-white/western Christians. a lot of these sects are also oppressed and marganlized bcs no one knows shit abt them or the black and brown ppl. and not all christianity has to do with white influence . and also–catholics are christian just wanted to clear that up. 

don’t try and conflate all christianity with white supremacy bcs that’s what so many of y’all are trying to do.

How long do i have to romanticise my life for before it actually gets romantic? just curious.

Walking into NASA wearing a ballgown and engineering a rocket

10/10 going to side-hustle as a lifestyle blogger and then when people call lifestyle bloggers ditzy or pull any other misogynistic “women can’t be interested in traditionally feminine things and traditionally smart at the same time” bullshit I’ll pull my physics degree out of a designer handbag and give them the middle finger