You So Damn Fine To Me, Lord Have Mercy

1. The Lovers of Valdaro are a 6,000 year old Neolithic skeleton couple who were found buried together in Mantua, Italy. 

 They were both around 20, both 5′2, and had no physical trauma evident in their bones. They were buried with flint tools. Their limbs are entwined in an endless embrace.

2. The Hasanlu Lovers are 2,800 year skeletons found locked in an eternal kiss in Solduz Valley, Iran. 

 The body on its back was around 20 years old, and the other skeleton was around 30 and showed signs of injury on the right side of their body. They were found in a plaster grain bin, most likely hiding from soldiers in a raid, and asphyxiated during this time.

If you could meet your younger self, what would you tell them?

Eat all the candy in the world to your heart's content, ha ha!

Wait, I already did that...

Good morning, people!

I want to quickly show you guys something new inside the factory!

This is the Space and Underwater room! How many of you believe in aliens? I hope you do, because we've perfectly constructed anti gravity delicacies, called Moon Pies, that we're going to send straight into orbit, allowing any aliens out there with a sweet tooth to eat to his or her fill. And that way, if the sweet is eaten, we'll know whether or not extraterrestrial life forces exists. Brilliant, no?

Now, these big white balls attached to the ceiling above the Oompa Loompas' heads are organic moon replicas, made from crystalized particles, Himalayan salt and Alpaca fiber. They're used to collect any goop or DNA from any aliens that eat the pies off 'em. We've also set up a big pair of binoculars to see if we capture any activity.

Oh, and check this out, this is one of the neatest things. This is the Underwater Simulator, it serves the same purpose as the Space Simulator and Moon Pies, except its job is to lure otherworldly marine vessels into our line of vision, see if they like chocolate.

You just simply dunk a person, or in this case an Oompa Loompa, into the water and they can scuba their little bodies around while collecting data. Yeah.

Though it's a latest and greatest idea still in the works, if successful, I'll be the first chocolatier in the world to document extraterrestrial life! Ha, can you just imagine?!

lulumoonowlbooks 🦋

It must've taken you a lot of internal restraint to not slap the shit outta mike all those times he insulted you and your candy and you stayed calm or ignored him (the few times you didn't respond to him)

Mumbler didn't faze me a bit. He was just really annoying and not very smart. Ha!

Nobody:

Absolutely no one in the world:

You: Good morning my little chocolate chips!

..

(Ilysfm 😂😂😂)

Well, everybody likes chocolate chips and if anyone doesn't then they need their head checked.

I don't wanna talk about it, but here's a few old pictures of me growing up:

I didn't know you was good friends with Santa clause. I'm late. But I bet you and your oompa loompas be getting the holiday hookup special. All types of little cute outfits and tailored coats and supplies. You know good and well your behind should be on the naughty list after what you did to them kids but Santa still be putting you on the nice list in trade for cookies and chocolate 😂😂

Oh yeah, everybody know the Clauses and their worker elves here at the factory. They like to visit during the winter for a tour and a nice dinner in our big dining hall, and they just love having hot chocolate near the fireplace. Fortunately, Santa never learned about the little factory mishap so I was never put on his naughty list. That's a secret, a slightly dirty one, but so what? We all have at least one. And it's not like any of what happened was my fault anyway. I'm quite an angel, if I do say so myself.