i wish that when i saw you for the first time, i would’ve run as fast as i could.
i would fight for centuries to get my old self back.
i long to be simple minded.
it is now december, and i have been feeling this way since july. that i am an impostor in my own life.
(don’t worry it’s already happening)
how tragic it is, that my own brain poisons itself.
i stopped pretending you were mine today. or that you ever were.
i know that one day you’ll be a distant memory, but right now our love is as bright as the dawn.
i find space to heal in the margins, in quiet afternoons, and in hugs from people i love.
“mom i don’t know what to do.”
“honey your mom isn’t here anymore, now put the rose on her casket.”
even though we are not in love anymore, your mere presence puts me at ease. your body being in my vicinity calms my restless mind.