i only feel love from my older friends. only they know how to handle the deep sadness that comes along with me.
i’ve sworn for years we’re connected. because every time you come i can sense it. see it in the dark, hear it a million miles away. not only love swirls between us; raw want drags us back together over and over again.
yesterday i read the notes on a life
that had just barely counted as one lived
the girl was far too tainted to be a wife
but she was a girl with much love to give
she talked like a true contrarian
eternally antithetical girl
then her opinions flew with the herons
to a much kinder and comforting world
with time her smile faded into the gray
and she went aimlessly through the motions
she joined other wretched souls yesterday
her eulogy murmured by the ocean
i suppose she always hung by a thread
i would’ve hung onto each word she said
i can tell he’s mine because he whispers my name every night just before he falls asleep.
i will close your door but i refuse to lock it.
she looks like me, talks like me, acts like me. and i know you can’t stand that she’s still not quite me.
i know that you love me. it’s palpable.
when i see you now you look very bit like the man i knew years ago except for your eyes. your eyes carry a millennia of pain, passion, and everything in between.
i am terrified of failure. yet right now it is all i can produce.
death’s hand fits so perfectly in my palm. no wonder my mind is attacking me.