Self Motivation - Blog Posts

úgy döntöttem nincs elég "a pál utcai fiúk nyaralni mennek a balatonra" fanfic ezért most fogom magam és írok egyet💯

“When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that last blow that did it—but all that had gone before.”

— James Clear, Atomic Habits

So. I had an academic awakening today. My dad and I were looking for my old end of term transcripts so that I can send them in for applications, and I genuinely remember thinking that my grades have been horrible since the 8th grade because of lockdown and stuff- but I was SO wrong. Like I could not have been more wrong than this. I thought that because I was messing up maths at the time and getting 3 and 4 out of 7 (ib myp) that all my grades were similar. BUT THEY WEREN'T???????????????? BRO I WAS CONSISTENTLY GETTING 6'S AND 7'S IN ALL MY OTHER SUBJECTS EXCEPT MATHS, OCCASIONALLY PHYSICS, AND LANGUAGE. YOU'RE TELLING ME I'M NOT ACTUALLY STUPID???? AND IT ISN'T JUST LIKE 8TH GRADE OR SOMETHING- I'VE BEEN GETTING SIMILAR SCORES CONSISTENTLY SINCE THE 7TH GRADE ONWARDS, MY TRANSCRIPTS FOR 9TH ARE ACTUALLY WONDERFUL, AND MY 10TH TERM ONE REPORT IS ALSO QUITE PHENOMENAL (I EVEN GOT A 7 IN PHYSICS THEN WTF, THE ONLY LOW SCORE I GOT WAS IN MATHS AND THAT WAS A 4, THE ONLY 4 I GOT). EVERYTHING CLEARLY WENT DOWNHILL SOMEWHERE THOUGH, BECAUSE MY TERM TWO TRANSCRIPT FOR 10TH GRADE HAS MY GRADES DROPPING (THE SCIENCES ALL DROPPED DOWN TO 5 AND THEN GOT PROGRESSIVELY WORSE IN MY PREBOARDS). THE WORST PART IS THAT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY MY SCORES STARTED DROPPING THEN. LIKE IT WASN'T BOYS, I LIKED A BOY THEN TOO, BUT IT DIDN'T AFFECT MY SCORES. IT WASN'T SOCIAL MEDIA OR SCREENTIME OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT BECAUSE I HAD NO SOCIAL MEDIA THEN AND I WAS STILL CONSTANTLY TEXTING MY FRIENDS ALL THE TIME AND I KNEW HOW TO BYPASS ALL THE PARENTAL CONTROLS AND I WAS STILL SUPER OBSESSED WITH WHATEVER FANDOM I WAS IN???? I actually feel like my ocd started getting worse around that time and I also think that's when I started altering my sleep schedule and staying up way later than I usually would. So, in order to return to my former academic little self, I'm going to try and speak to my school counsellor about my ocd and try and fix my sleep schedule. If a younger me can do it so well and consistently, why can't older, present me? If a younger me could learn with such zeal and passion and reflect it in her scores, what's to say i can't do the same thing now too?

I told the moon buried behind the dark clouds that "It's okay. Soon those dark clouds will pass by and evryone will be able to see how brightly you can shine."

Then, I realized those are the words i need the most and i supposed to say them to myself first.

Don't worry dearself soon your struggles and worries will be gone just like the dark clouds and we'll be happy and bright again 🙂