Stuck Between An Infinite Loop Of “i Never Wanna Get Better, I Like How I Am” And “if I Dont Get

im so mad. i need to kill someone so i wont be so mad

Cross posting this ValAngel thing I put on twitter. Tw for abusive relationship.

Valentino with memory issues from all the years of hard drugs. He forgets where he left his phone, why he summoned his assistant, what he likes to order at restaurants. When he forgets, he gets frustrated and lashes out.

So Angel keeps track of things for him. He makes a mental note of where Val puts his keys and remembers his favorite foods. In peaceful times, he does it out of love, to dispel the lost expression on Val’s face. When things are bad, he does it to avoid Val's temper tantrums.

But he walks a tightrope. If he’s too forward with his help, Val will take offense and lash out. So Angel flirts and flatters and makes Val think everything is his idea.

“I'm hungry,” Angel pouts cutely, because he’s noticed that Val hasn't eaten in hours and he always gets cranky when he's hungry. “Take me to that place I like?” It’s actually the place that Val likes, but this way he gets to feel like he's spoiling Angel. The strategy has worked well in the past. Valentino likes to feel magnanimous- as long as Angel is properly grateful, of course.

Val can't find his keys, so Angel surreptitiously sweeps them up from where he saw Val toss them earlier. He drops them onto the couch cushion nearby when Val is looking away. When he looks back, even with his poor eyesight, Val spots the keys. Crisis averted.

They get to the restaurant and slide into the booth. “Want me to read ya the menu?” Angel asks, and he knows it's a mistake when Val’s eyes narrow. He’s about to say that he can read the fucking menu himself, he's not blind, but Angel thinks fast.

He tilts his head and frowns down at the menu. “Hang on. Is this thing in French or somethin’? I can't read none of this.”

Val relaxes. “You're so stupid,” he says affectionately. “It's a good thing you're pretty.”

The menu is in Spanish, not French, and Angel knows it. But he mispronounces half the words as he reads them aloud so that Val can chuckle and correct him each time.

Val orders fajitas, so Angel gets the enchiladas that Val likes. When the order arrives, Angel takes a bite and moans with pleasure. “Soooo good. Try this, daddy.” He feeds Val a bite from his fork, and Val brightens immediately.

He tells Angel that it's just the way his grandma used to make them- a thing he's told Angel a dozen times already, but Angel doesn't remind him of that. He lets Val eat his food while he picks at Val’s abandoned fajitas.

They drink margaritas and cuddle in the booth, making fun of the waitress, gossiping about which of the restaurant’s other customers are hot enough to feature in Val’s movies.

Angel prides himself on being able to handle Valentino. He senses the slightest shifts in his moods, defuses his anger before it flares. This time, Angel navigated safely through the storm. Now he gets to enjoy Valentino at his flamboyant, affectionate best.

On days like this, it's easy to dismiss the days that didn't go well. When Angel missed a signal or failed to suppress an eyeroll, or snapped an “I know,” after Val told him the same anecdote for the hundredth time, only realizing his mistake when Val yanked him off his feet.

When Angel lets himself be flattered by the pet names that Val murmurs into his ear, when he bites his lip when Val gets handsy with him under the table, when the bad days are the farthest thing from his mind…Angel has to wonder which one of them actually has a bad memory.

derealization while literally in VR is such a wild feeling

They are SO endgame, nobody can convince me otherwise

bro im such a hater to like everyone and im so okay with it 😭😭😭 like if my friends knew the shit i think they would drop me SO FAST LMAO

watching peep and the big wide world to cope. it is helping

they should invent a me that doesn't feel like they're never going to amount to anything after making one minor mistake

god i wish i died so many years ago this is bs

first post cuz i really reeeallyyy wanted a yap blog. i wanna yap away and just post it for literally any other crazy confused fuckers to see. current mood? just broke something and feeling so very whimsical