Me Reading The Start Of Iliad Book 18:

Me reading the start of Iliad book 18:

Me Reading The Start Of Iliad Book 18:

More Posts from Zoexqsblog and Others

1 year ago

Achilles: Can you see us on the mountain?

Thetis: No. Why do you ask?

Achilles: No. Reason.

*later at the mountain*

Achilles: SHE COULDNT SEE US. FOR THREE YEARS.

Patroclus: Oh?

Achilles: FOR THREE YEARS. SHE COULDN'T SEE US. FOR. THREE. YEARS.

Patroclus: Mhm.

Achilles: THREE. YEARS.

Patroclus: Mhm.

Achilles: WE COULDVE BEEN FUCKING. FOR. THREE. YEARS.

Patroclus: Mhm.

Chiron: i ship it.

Thetis: What the fuck

1 year ago

How I now percieve the Trojan War heroes :) (acheans)

Achilles: đŸŽ¶Una perra sorprendente / CurvilĂ­nea y elocuente / Magnificamente colosal / Extravagante y animalđŸŽ¶ + anger issues

Patroclus: beloved by everyone (exept fate)

Ajax the Greater: strONK but no mental health and anger issues / da himbo

Diomedes: Perfection Incarnated/ Batman/Boss Baby

Odysseus/Ulysses: that one guy who has the only braincell in all the Achean camp and either uses it for war crimes or shares it with Diomedes, which is basically the same / Shortdysseus / Tinysses

Menelaus: certified UwU Dad

Agamemnon: Luisa from Encanto + some greed and curses / CEO of daddy issues / Raspberry cupcake / Lesser batman

Nestor: Respectable Grandpa

Antilochus: the bby

Ajax the Lesser: who?

2 years ago

The Secret Reading List: Books mentioned in The Secret History

If you want to be as erudite and elite as the Classics Clique, you’d better add these books to your reading pile


Specific prose/poetry/plays mentioned:

Untimely Meditations by Friedrich Nietzsche, Epigraph Republic, Book II by Plato, Epigraph Tom Swift by Victor Appleton, 6 Paradise Lost by John Milton, 8, 91 Goodbye, Columbus by Philip Roth, 33 The New Testament, 36 Agamemnon by Aeschylus, 40 Oresteia by Aeschylus, 40 Inferno by Dante, 41, 115 Poetics by Aristotle, 41 The Iliad by Homer, 41, 627 The Bacchae by Euripides, 42, 204 Parmenides by Plato, 67 The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott, 85 Rover Boys by Edward Stratemeyer, 85 Journey from Chester to London by Thomas Pennant, 85 The Club History of London by ?, 85 The Pirates of Penzance by W.S. Gilbert, 85 Bobbsey Twins by Laura Lee Hope, 85 Marino Faliero by Lord Byron, 85 The Waste Land by T.S. Eliot, 89 Sherlock Homes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 92, 622 Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert, 94 MĂ©moires by Duc de Saint-Simon, 103 Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray, 110 Othello by Shakespeare, 115 The World Book Encyclopedia, 117 Men of Thought and Deed by E. Tipton Chatsford Invisible Man by H.G. Wells Peter Pan, or The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up by J. M. Barrie, 180 The Divine Comedy by Dante, 184 Superman Comics, 417 The Upanishads, 441, 466 Perry Mason Novels by Erle Stanley Gardner, 442 With Rue my Heart is Laden by A.E. Housman, 466 Lycidas by John Milton, 466 The Charge of the Light Brigade by Alfred Lord Tennyson, 466 In Flanders Fields by John McCrae, 466 Corpus of Mycenaean Inscriptions from Knossos, 481 Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, 554 The Malcontent by John Marston, 615 The White Devil by John Webster, 615 The Broken Heart by John Ford, epilogue epigraph, 615 Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlowe, 616 The Revenger’s Tragedy by Cyril Tourneur, 616 Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens, 619

Authors mentioned:

J.R.R. Tolkien, 6 Ezra Pound, 16 T.S. Eliot, 16 Alfred Douglas, 18 Robert de Montesquiou, 18 Plato, 22, 36 Homer, 23, 36, 49, 509 Dante, 33 Virgil, 33 Plotinus, 37 Marie Corelli, 85 Shakespeare, 91, 615 Alexander Pope, 103 John Donne, 117 Rupert Brooke, 120 Edgar Allen Poe, 132, 200 Hegel, 139 Raymond Chandler, 153 Gregory of Tours, 481 Thomas Aquinas, 509 P.G. Wodehouse, 538 George Orwell, 576-7 Harold Acton, 577 Salman Rushdie, 582 Agatha Christie, 587 Proust, 612 John Webster, 615 Thomas Middleton, 615 Cyril Tourneur, 615 John Ford, 615 Christopher Marlowe, 615 Walter Raleigh, 615 Thomas Nashe, 615

NB: page numbers correspond to the Popular Penguin Edition.

1 year ago

*as kids* Chiron: I just found out that my dad isn't really my dad. Chariclo: Your dad... Apollo the god who doesn't have a drop of horse or centaur blood in him? Chiron: [nods] Chariclo: Chariclo: That must have been quite a shock...

1 year ago

I keep thinking about the suggestion that Apollo hated Achilles so much because Achilles was literally just like him but mortal (blond, musical, good with a sword, talented at medicine) and he just didn't care for that.

1 year ago

Look is no one else gonna make a big deal about the fact that in the middle of battle Achilles’ horses stopped in their tracks and started crying over the death of Patroclus? And refused to move despite Automedon begging them and whipping them to try to get them off the field until they were literally compelled to move by Zeus himself?? Because I can’t stop thinking about it.

1 year ago
Long Time Ago I Doodled This Cause I Thought It Was Funny Lol

Long time ago I doodled this cause I thought it was funny lol

7 months ago
All The Star Signs In My Comic, Realta Part 2!
All The Star Signs In My Comic, Realta Part 2!
All The Star Signs In My Comic, Realta Part 2!
All The Star Signs In My Comic, Realta Part 2!
All The Star Signs In My Comic, Realta Part 2!
All The Star Signs In My Comic, Realta Part 2!

All the star signs in my comic, Realta Part 2!

Part one

2 years ago
Greek Mythology From A To Z:
Greek Mythology From A To Z:
Greek Mythology From A To Z:
Greek Mythology From A To Z:
Greek Mythology From A To Z:
Greek Mythology From A To Z:
Greek Mythology From A To Z:
Greek Mythology From A To Z:
Greek Mythology From A To Z:

Greek mythology from A to Z:

[H] - Hera (ጭρ៱) is the wife of Zeus, the Queen of Olympus, and the Olympian goddess of marriage. As such, she is also the deity most associated with family and the welfare of women and children.

1 year ago

Hey!!!! Dumb question but what exactly is the Iliad?

THE ILIAD: A SUMMARY

The Short Version: A yarn about blokes getting shitmixed in a war over Miss Hellenic Beauty Champion because some gods thought it would be a Lol.

The Long Version: A Homeric epic poem passed down through spoken word over generations that was penned down in about 800 BC. In the mythological timeline, it ends the Age of Heroes (by wasting them all). It covers the Greek seige of Troy, a whole lotta gods Messing With Shit, a Poseidon who needs anger management, a few hundred names and lots of General Epicness ft Diomedes and Patroklus. Sit back my buddy, let’s go through a quick summary of the books.

Book 1: Apollo ghettoblasts the Greeks with Pain because Agamemescunt kidnapped his priestess Chryseis. Being a douchebag, Agadouchebag Mr Steals Yo Girl from Achilles, which leads to in͟ten̛şȩ ͟śul͜kiÍąn̶gÍĄ . Achilles’ divine Ma brokers a deal with the Zeus goose (not literally thank goodness, although it’s a definite possibility) so that the Greeks won’t win until they realize how fucked they are without Achilles and go crawling back to him for help.

Book 2: Zeus messes with Agafuckface by telling him to attack Troy. Agamemhoe messes with Zeus by telling his entire army to fuck off back to Greece. Odysseus, with Athena’s help, uses his wicked ol’ tongue to lick  Agaiceheart back into  shape (not literally, although very possible in Ancient Greece). There are 31 paragraphs of names about Greeks and 16 paragraphs of names about Trojans going to war. The epic story continues.

Book 3: The armies meet. Memealaus (sorry, Menelaus) and Paris decide to have a 1v1 to end this shindig. Paris is saved by Aphrodite and a cloud because he is a Weak Bitch, so we gear up for another 9 years and 11 months of war. Helen tells Aphrodite to go fuck Paris herself if she likes him so much, but Aphrodite threatens Godly Bitch Revenge is Helen ever talks back to her like that again.

Book 4: Menelaus gets grazed by an arrow. Like a football player with a stubbed toe, this means war. He also apparently had ‘shapely thighs and fair ankles’. Watch out for the Zeus eagle, boi. Fighting commences. Diomedes appears. He is awesome, as usual. We continue to the next chapter.

Book 5: Pretty much an entire chapter about Diomedes being a son of a gun and killing fucking everything thanks to Athena. A dude called Sthenelus gets a rock hard boner watching all of this. Aeneas thinks it’s a good idea to take on Diomedes. Mistake. Big Mama Aphrodite has to save him, also with a cloud. Diomedes hasn’t quite reached Critical Awesome yet, so he stabs Ares and Aphrodite as well. Hera calls Ares a little bitch and we carry on.

Book 6: Just a lot of death really. Diomedes was going to kill a bloke, but they realize they are family friends, so just do a little swapsie of armour. Hector gives Paris a spray for being a cowardly little bitch, Paris agrees, and they set off for battle.

Book 7: Hector decides to 1v1 and get this over with. Menelaus tries to accept, but his wingmen Restrain Him. Ajax gets picked out of a hat to fight, but after a bit of a tussle it gets dark, so the fighting pair give each other presents and go home for the night. The next day, they all take a holiday from fighting and the Greeks build a wall. Poseidon is triggered. (reason here.)

Book 8: Due to Poseidon being triggered, Zeus forbids any godly interference on both sides of the war. Hera and Poseidon bitch about Zeus as the Greeks get casually wreckt by the Trojans, but decide not to act on it. Lucky for the Greeks, the Trojans decide sleeping is better than winning, so leave off for the night.

Book 9: The Greeks hit Fuck It and decide to grovel to Achilles for help. Before they do, Diomedes gives Agasaggytitnon a spray for being a douchebag, and everyone agrees that he is indeed a douchebag. Sthenelus probably pops another boner. Back in the tent with the power pair, Achilles and Patroklus, Patroklus tries to be the polite bf to the pleading Greeks, but Achilles is still thinks Agamoomoo called him a ‘vile tramp’ so refuses to help. The drama continues.

Book 10: Odysseus and BAMF Diomedes go on a sneak mission and  heroically stab the Trojans in their sleep. They also heroically steal some horses. The epic heroism continues.

Book 11: Hector takes a leaf out of Diomedes’ book and decides to shitmix the Greeks. He successfully shitmixes the Greeks, giving Agamugface a well-deserved arm wound. Paris shoots Diomedes in the foot, but Diomedes literally does not give a shit. Some random dude gives Odysseus a bit of a stab, Ajax gets Confused By Zeus but survives, but things still look Grim. Sweetheart Patroklus sees the Grimness and decides to try and use his wiles to break Achilles out of his Uber Sulk.

Book 12: The Trojans continue to roadhaul the Greeks, which will come back to bite Hector, but we do meet a dude called Thootes. He doesn’t do shit, but his name is great. There is graphic violence, and the Trojans go to chuck a Greek ship on the barbie. 

Book 13: Poseidon rises from the sea, back being a buddy to the Greeks now the his great enemy The Triggering Greek Wall has been overcome.There is a shit ton of fighting wherein the Greeks do well and Poseidon is happy because he’s getting vengeance for his other traumatic wall experience.

Book 14: Hera sees Poseidon disobeying Zeus and getting sweet wall vengeance and while probably thinking she married the wrong brother, decides to use Titty Distraction so that the Greeks don’t get chucked on the Trojan barbie. Titty Distraction predictably works A+ and the Trojans get slightly shat on with gratuitous eyeball violence. Hector gets hit by a rock and almost has the most anticlimactic death since Amycus, who suffered death by Elbow Punch.

Book 15: Zeus wakes, calls Hera a scurvy knave and tells Poseidon to Fight Him. Poseidon does not want to Fight Him, so melts back into the ocean and stops helping the Greeks. Apollo resurrects Hector from his rock to the face and the Trojans joyously return to their mission to barbeque the Greek ships.

Book 16: Honeyboo Patroklus (still on his way to Achilles since Book 11) sees Apollo and his Brojans on the warpath and breaks Achilles’ heart with Man Tears. While Achilles and Patbroklus have a very, very long, heartfelt conversation, the Trojans start to toast the Greek ships. Achilles gives (yes gives) Patroklus his armour and tells him to fuck shit up, but not to win without him. Fighting commences, we discover the word hurly-burly, Sarpedon dies in a shower of Zeus-induced blood rain and Patroklus becomes Diomedes 2.0 until he is gang bashed by Hector, Apollo, a literal god, and some awkward random called Euphorbus. Sasstroklus delivers a final fuck you, pulls the finger at all three of his killers and blazes it down to Hades.

Book 17: Hector takes Achilles’ armour off Patroklus, marking him as target #1 for the Sulk King. The Trojans and the Greeks spend an entire chapter having a tug of war with Patroklus’ body. Ajax and Menelaus comment mildly on how Zeus is helping out the Trojans, and the god shines a bit of sunlight in chagrin for being called out. The Greeks win the tug of war thanks to Double Ajax Tactics.

Book 18: In which Achilles goes nuts. Everybody has a cry because Patroklus was a Swell Guy (seriously,as swell as a Hawaiian surf that guy). Achilles goes and therapy-screams at the Trojans, who see the mad bloke and back the fuck off -  rightfully so, as Achilles is planning some good old human sacrifice to his dead ‘rider’ Patroklus. Meanwhile, Hephaestus quick-smelts some smashing new armour for Achilles with his household robots.

Book 19: Achilles gets dolled up for battle. Agadickbutt and Odysseus try to placate the madman with gifts, including Briseis, the dame Agamemnope stole from Achilles, but Achilles’ quota of fucks has run out indefinitely. He saddles up and gets ready to fuck up his bae killer.

Book 20: Zeus RÍĄELE҉ASE͜SÌ” ͝T̀H͜EÍĄ ́ǴOÌ·D͞S͝ and lets them play for whichever team they like, so long as Achilles doesn’t sack Troy just quite yet. It’s probably a friendly game similar to football in god terms. Athena invents the spear boomerang, Hera and Poseidon do some casual sunbathing, while Achilles paints the town red rather literally. 

Book 21: Achilles finds men too weak and decides to take on a literal river (Scamander). Achilles realizes this was AÌŽ BÌžad ̶I͜de͟aÍĄand decides he’ll stick to men. We’re not sure whether Diomedes would have backed off from a river, but I guess we’ll never know. Apollo saves a dude called Agenor from Achilles molestation and in doing so also saves the Brojans. The epic story continues.

Book 22: Apollo says surprise Achilles, tricked ya into chasing me boi, I’m immortal. Achilles stares him dead in the eye for a full minute then says ‘fuck you’ and rides off back to Troy. Hector decides it’s time for another 1v1, but at the last minute considers that this idea was insane and fuckin legs it. Achilles chases Hector around the wall of Troy three times presumably to this soundtrack. Hector finally stops to fight, and thanks to the Athena Spear BoomerangᔀáŽč, Achilles avenges his Patroklus. Hector performs the minor miracle of talking whilst having a spear sticking out of his throat before he dies, then Troy’s hero gets roadhauled and everyone is Sad. 

Book 23: Ghost Patroklus pays Achilles a visit, like a sexy Obi wan Kenobi and tells Achilles to bury him already. Patghostklus also beseeches that their bones be laid (ha) together when Achilles inevitably gets fucked on by Fate. Achilles says of course bby I was gonna do that anyway, and tries to make out with a ghost, but this isn’t a Whoopi Goldberg type deal, so Patroghost gets sent back down under. They put the fun in funeral by having games and giving out toasters and such as prizes.

Book 24 (The End): After ‘yearning after the might and manfulness of Patroklus’, Achilles continues to roadhaul Hector until Apollo gives his fam a spray about the dishonour of it. Hera says he’s only mortal scum so who gives a fuck and Zeus says chill wife and commands Achilles to REÌ”L͘EÌĄAÌ·SÍąE ÌŽT́HȨ H̀ȨC̕TÌ”OÌ·RÍĄ (sorry I can’t help it). With Hermes as a bodyguard, Priam (Hector’s dad) goes to get the body back. Achilles and Priam have a man-cry bonding moment over Dead Loved Ones, Hector is whisked off to be buried and there ends the Iliad! There’s none of the ankle-shooting, wooden-horse-building shenanigans in there, they all come in later texts such as the Aeneid and Ovid, although I still can’t find the exact text where Achilles gets shot. If y’all know, send me the link ;)  I fucking found it nvm

Anyhoo, that was
Jeez, that was The Iliad (aka the longest post in existence). Well, my retold, abridged more slightly less serious version.It’s definitely worth a read, if you can get past all the names!

Check out more Greek Stories here :D

  • ithurts-allthetime
    ithurts-allthetime liked this · 5 months ago
  • dellune
    dellune liked this · 1 year ago
  • zoexqsblog
    zoexqsblog reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • zoexqsblog
    zoexqsblog liked this · 1 year ago
  • nestories
    nestories liked this · 2 years ago
  • zeroiridium
    zeroiridium liked this · 2 years ago
  • brainllessbean
    brainllessbean liked this · 2 years ago
  • hyac1nthus
    hyac1nthus liked this · 2 years ago
  • lettuceeeee
    lettuceeeee liked this · 2 years ago
  • daphne-137
    daphne-137 liked this · 2 years ago
  • sora-of-uranus
    sora-of-uranus liked this · 2 years ago
  • legendsgates
    legendsgates liked this · 2 years ago
  • ngangiang47
    ngangiang47 reblogged this · 2 years ago
  • ngangiang47
    ngangiang47 liked this · 2 years ago
  • poke-ee
    poke-ee liked this · 2 years ago
  • 1-800-disasterbi
    1-800-disasterbi liked this · 3 years ago
  • tragediegh
    tragediegh liked this · 3 years ago
  • potseluymenya
    potseluymenya liked this · 3 years ago
  • jakemasonisunderrated-blog
    jakemasonisunderrated-blog liked this · 3 years ago
  • monalisa-holds-cat
    monalisa-holds-cat liked this · 3 years ago
  • k04
    k04 liked this · 3 years ago
  • greatbear2121
    greatbear2121 liked this · 3 years ago
  • undertalevariations
    undertalevariations liked this · 3 years ago
  • starry-trash
    starry-trash liked this · 3 years ago
  • caseoftheblues
    caseoftheblues liked this · 3 years ago
  • the-gayncient-mariner
    the-gayncient-mariner reblogged this · 3 years ago
  • i-spilled-my-soup-again
    i-spilled-my-soup-again liked this · 3 years ago
  • branchus
    branchus liked this · 3 years ago
  • shigarakill
    shigarakill liked this · 3 years ago
  • silver-circlet
    silver-circlet liked this · 3 years ago
  • sea-cove
    sea-cove liked this · 3 years ago
  • captain-daryn
    captain-daryn liked this · 3 years ago
  • starsonaship
    starsonaship liked this · 3 years ago
  • he-lost-the-star-wars
    he-lost-the-star-wars liked this · 3 years ago
  • solomonar-culbec
    solomonar-culbec reblogged this · 3 years ago
  • king-pyxis
    king-pyxis liked this · 3 years ago
  • basementeye-s
    basementeye-s liked this · 3 years ago
  • idiot-academic
    idiot-academic liked this · 3 years ago
  • tongueinvenus
    tongueinvenus liked this · 3 years ago
  • diemannschaft-obsession
    diemannschaft-obsession liked this · 3 years ago
  • livelaughlament1941
    livelaughlament1941 liked this · 3 years ago
  • 18009703
    18009703 liked this · 3 years ago
  • that-blue-thing-in-the-bathroom
    that-blue-thing-in-the-bathroom liked this · 3 years ago
  • nicotheangel17
    nicotheangel17 liked this · 3 years ago
  • honeydearsun
    honeydearsun liked this · 3 years ago
  • ohmygoditsjasontodd
    ohmygoditsjasontodd liked this · 3 years ago
zoexqsblog - Zoexq
Zoexq

268 posts

Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags