Zeebby-night - Zee

Ally: *says K2 is quitting vaping*

Me: oh lmao what a coincidence I just got patches to stop yesterday and I'm starting tomorrow. I'm doing it for you K2

Brennan: *announces that K2 is real now. A real human woman living in England in our world with the memories of Kristen's life except happening in England*

Me, an English lesbian ex fundamentalist cult survivor who lost their faith in their early teens after their first real interaction with death: Blimey...

i am begging you all to stop treating this site like instagram if you dont want it to be content free by next year

no one talk to me ever again I have died one hundred times over

He's been here the whole time!

figueroth and sandra lynn faeth; daughter and mother // dimension 20: fantasy high

fantasy high: junior year - a very merry moonar yulenear // lady bird, 2017 // ijeoma umebinyuo - questions for ada // alexuma // wych elm - susan smith // joan tierney - the elektra complex // fantasy high: sophomore year - hellbound // imma_slytherin - fig the unfaithable and the summer sads // nora kasten // honeytuesday // fantasy high: junior year - untapped rage // ethel cain - family tree (intro) // lynn emanuel - single girl. one room flat.

To Ragh; or, On Fatness

Hi! Below is an actual play mini-essay. These are written as part of a personal writing practice of thinking critically about actual play. I hope you find this reading engaging and know that all I write reflects my own interpretations rather than as an official representation/canonization of these shows.

Ragh Barkrock may be one of the most beloved NPCs in Dimension20. It would be easy for Ragh, a bloodrush player good enough to potentially play professionally, to be presented as hypermasculine. In fact, the freshmen year art for Ragh, when he was antagonist rather than beloved ally, showed him in a muscular, inverted Dorito shaped body typical of a jock.

He's, obviously, built, and his cut jaw and cheekbones only bolster that image. As Ragh comes to terms with being gay at the end of Fantasy High, his countenance changes. When we see him again, the new art reflects a chubbier, happier Ragh.

The show aligning weight gain with acceptance and happiness already works against prevailing stereotypes that use weight loss as a quick metaphor for improving yourself and being the "real you." Moreover, connecting Ragh's acceptance of his sexuality with what seems like a larger comfort in his own body is a strong indictment of hypermasculine gay culture. As Gabriel Arana writes, gay men "must reconcile their sense of masculinity with their failure to conform to its heterosexuality." Not doing so has negative mental health outcomes, as Arana points out, and contributes to a culture that devalues fat queer people (see the popular "no fats, no femmes, no Asians" that often is touted in masculine gay subculture).

All of this, I think, is why Ragh's art for Junior Year was particularly impactful for me as a fat queer person. If being a gay man (or half-Orc, in Ragh's case) means having to situate your life in relationship to failing compulsory masculinity, then it seems there is an inherent queer aspect to embracing, celebrating, and showcasing a beloved NPC in an explicitly fat and happy body.

Ragh is still strong and he is still fat. His body radiates a commitment to the power of fat bodies to exist in spaces they are often violently unwelcome in, such as gyms. Existing in gyms and sports spaces as fat people means dealing the "impossible standard that rejects nearly all of us" and upholds a diet culture rooted in impossible, Eurocentric and colonial body standards. In TTRPGS or actual plays, there is a unique opportunity to think about how bodies might exist in worlds different from ours, to imagine bodyminds as otherwise. However, as queer critics like Paul Preciado have noted, sci-fi and fantasy representations of cyborgs and other transformative bodies often lean into "fixing" disabled people or moving gender nonconforming bodies more easily towards technologies upholding a normative standard rather than questioning the standard all together.

Spyre is a world that deals with similar issues to ours, even without direct one-to-one correlations, so it, too, is a place where the narrative and artistic choices should be examined in how it helps us interpolate the world the audience resides in. From the Applebees cultish adherence to a deity-based nationalism to the various representations of parental neglect and abuse and every side story in-between, Dimension20's flagship show does not shy away from difficult realities even when recasting them through fantasy. Ragh, as a half-orc gay son of a disabled single mother, then, I see the arc his fat body goes through as meaningful and intertwined with his self-acceptance and queerness. He moves away from the toxic masculinity engineered into his blood rush team to instead pursue coalition comraderie with his friends to the point that he and his mother end up joining a communal living situation with those friends and their parents. Ragh's body expands as his family does, as his ties to community do, and to me, the gift of his fatness is the invitation to expansion that it holds out to us as viewers.

Had some thoughts about the themes emerging in Neverafter so far in another post’s notes that I may as else clarify in my own.

(BBEG is Capitalism truthers beware ig, there’s a lot of me talking about why I don’t like that theory and find it reductive.)

Ok. So. I guess I’d like to start saying that I get why people enjoy a good “haha bad guy is capitalism” joke, because everyone who plays dnd hates capitalism—especially right now, considering current controversies. BUT, I find the common posts of “OMG Neverafter’s bad guy has GOT to be capitalism/Disney” very irritating because it feels less like people picking up on the clues the narrative is putting down and more hammering their own biases of what they want the series to be about into the narrative.

Like, some people keep saying the moral is that Disney sanitizing everything is bad but like… literally nothing about the setting (aside from some fairy tales Disney used appearing) suggests that. The stories are getting worse, darker, closer to their older versions. And the characters don’t want that! Non-Disney versions of the stories aren’t framed as better like you’d think a “Disney Bad” narrative would—in fact, several characters would much prefer to be in their Disney versions right now, whether or not they should be. That kinder versions of the story—which would include the Disney movies—are vanishing due to the carelessness of a select few is presented as a bad thing.

If the theme of the story was that sanitation of fairy tales is bad, don’t you think we’d start off in more “Disney” style versions of the stories? You could easily make a horror story about the dread of being trapped in a “perfect” world. But that’s not what’s happening.

One of the horrors of the Neverafter, courtesy of Cinderella’s visit, is that bad things keep happening no matter what you do. Cinderella’s mother always dies. She always becomes a servant to her Stepmother. Over and over again. Why? What is making this so?

It’s the horror of predestination, of bad things happening to you because someone has decided they should no matter what you want. It’s a much bigger and baser concept than Historic Versions vs Disney Versions, or even Characters vs Disney.

As the conversation with the Librarians and Mother Goose’s encounter with the Inkwell seem to suggest, the conflict is moreso Characters vs Authors.

The question Brennan seems to be posing through Neverafter’s world and story isn’t “Isn’t Disney So Awful?”, it’s “In a reality where storybook characters are real people, is it moral or ethical to make those characters suffer for a good story?”

Or, removed from the trappings of the setting, the question is: “Is it moral or ethical to make real people suffer to make a good thing?”

Good children, good spouses, good futures, good ideals, good communities—and, in a Capitalist society, good profits. But what is good enough to sacrifice people for? And what is “Good” at all?

Free Free Palestine!

I don't live in Missouri anymore (I went to college in the state) but I saw this and had to reblog. Public libraries are so important for so many people. Students, parents, kids, the elderly, and anyone who needs a computer but can't afford one. Please please please do your part in helping.

Missouri Citizens - Call to Restore State Aid for Libraries

A post I made a few days ago about the Missouri Legislature’s proposal to defund public libraries really blew up.

I’m happy to have helped spread the word about this issue as it’s not getting enough mainstream attention.  But frustrated at the tone of the original post and the thought that it’s become a part of many people’s daily doomscroll.

This is bad, but there are things we all can and should do to make it better.

If you are a Missouri citizen, please go here and fill out the short form.  It will use your address to contact your state senator about reinstating the full State Aid funding to Missouri’s libraries.  You can also customize the message and I encourage you to do so.

If you have time and energy, consider calling your senator’s office as well.  You can find out who your representatives are and find their contact information here.  A short phone call letting them know you are a constituent and this issue is important to you can do a lot of good.

Ignore the naysayers who claim that contacting your representatives is a waste of time.  I know people who intern in these offices and collect information on what the public contacts their representatives about.  If enough people call about the same issue, it raises the profile of that issue on their agenda.  It can make a difference, especially in a case like this where the mainstream media is not focusing on the story.

Please take a few minutes of your time if you are a Missourian to make your voice heard on the importance of libraries.  And please reblog and spread the word even if you’re not a Missourian.  With your help, maybe we won’t have to fight this fight in your homestate as well.  Thank you.

I binged watched the complete playlists on Dimension 20 and I'm fucking obsessed. I love just how fun and chaotic yet heart-wrenching and emotional it all is. Brennan is such a fun DM and I love how rewards the players even if their ideas are insane but that's what makes it so special. The moment that I can, I am getting that subscription to Dropout and watching everything else that I'm missing. I also can't wait to see some of the campaigns that Brennan hasn't/isn't DMing.