I Could Rewatch Their First Real Conversation In Stede’s Cabin All Day. It’s The Recognition, Baby.

yet another thing that ofmd does so well is how awkward and nervous all the dialogue is during all the romantic confession scenes we get from our three canon relationships. like it's so fucking relatable. watching those scenes makes me think of the (admittedly very few) times in my life when i have made these kinds of halting, nervous confessions. i can feel how the adrenaline is making their hearts pound and their hands sweat and their faces flush with heat. trying to sound casual while there's a heavy lump the size of a dodgeball trying to claw its way from your chest to your mouth.

Black Pete starts off stammering, "So... uh, listen." He veers too close to genuine, revealing too much when he says, "I-I thought I was gonna... lose you," and when Lucius responds jokingly, he tries to backtrack a bit, play it cool. "Exactly! And uh, and... uh—death, yknow..." He shrugs, tries for nonchalance and doesn't quite make it. "I'm used to death. But, um..." And Pete's barely been able to hold Lucius's gaze this whole time, his eyes constantly flickering somewhere to Lucius's left, but here he closes them, steels himself. "But not, um..." A beat. When he says, "your death," he opens his eyes again, looks right at Lucius, and the surprised little smile on Lucius's face is almost too much.

Olu's been listening to Jim's tragic backstory, hurting for them and understanding them on a deeper level than he ever has before. When Jim says that their nana is their only family, Olu's face goes on a journey, here: his eyebrows furrow in concern, then twitch upwards as he thinks about how lonely that must be. He hunches in on himself, shoulders to his ears and hands in his pockets, and he rocks himself to the side as he gathers his nerves. "Well, look..." he begins, moving half a step closer, "if you wanted–" his eyes land on Jim's for only a moment, then he's looking above them, around them. "I could be family," he says, shrugging and spreading his hands, like he's showing Jim what he has to offer: himself, just himself, and his desire to be someone Jim can lean on. "I just..." There's no ending to that sentence, he didn't know where he was going when he started it, so he trails off as Jim glances away, then looks at him from under the rim of their hat, considering.

(And Jim is so lucky—but also, it's what they deserve—that they get not one, but two confessions from Olu. When they come back, when they ask him why he gave their room away, Olu's demeanor goes from "happy to see his friend alive and well" to "nervous boy asking their crush to prom" in an instant. "I, um..." His hands bounce at his sides, his eyes flicker all over the room. When he finally meets Jim's gaze, his hands are still moving nervously. "I-I missed you.")

And Ed. Ed. He enters the scene by walking over and sitting so close to Stede, close enough that they could be touching. He sits in Stede's space like he belongs there (and he does; Stede doesn't move away, doesn't react like Ed's proximity is unexpected or unwanted). He looks at Stede and smiles at him as he offers reassurances, but once he looks away he doesn't look back for several minutes. As he dismisses Stede's self-deprecation and answers Stede's questions he alternates between fiddling with the sand in front of him and gazing out at the sea. There's nervousness there, things going unsaid that have been ready to jump from Ed's tongue at any moment. And Stede gives him that moment when he asks what makes Ed happy.

But despite how desperate Ed is to tell him, there's still hesitation. He meanders his way towards giving Stede his answer, starting with, "These past... few weeks?" as if this isn't something he's given much thought to. "Have been... th'most fun I've had in ages. Years." His voice is soft, his face scrunching casually as he speaks. He still doesn't look at Stede, because the nerves climbing up his throat right now would choke him into silence if he did. So he stares at some fixed point in the distance, maybe a specific rock or blade of grass, as he says, "Maybe ever," with a surprised twist in his expression.

And as he moves into the next part, into the important part, those nerves in his throat climb higher. "So," he says, firmly, but that's the last thing he manages to say with any force. As his nerves go higher, so does his voice, but the volume becomes softer.

"So–uh... I reckon. What makes Ed happy..."

He feels Stede's eyes on his face, and that nervous fidgeting is gone, replaced instead by a stillness that his heart doesn't emulate.

"Is..."

Ed's been run through many times. He's been held at gunpoint, had rope tied around his neck, been stranded for days without food. He's watched the life drain from his father's body as a result of his own violence.

But for some reason, this is possibly the most nervous Ed has ever felt, the hardest his heart has ever pounded. The only moment that competes is when he watched four men in red coats point their rifles at Stede's trembling body.

"You."

OUGHUHUFHUGHUGH..... i know EXACTLY how they feel and it makes all these scenes hit so much harder. and SO MUCH OF IT is how fucking good the acting. if you just read these lines as flat dialogue, taking out all those pauses and stammers that the characters are trying to hard to hide, so much of the flavor is lost:

"Death, y'know, I'm used to death. But not your death"

"Well, look: if you wanted, I could be family."

"These past few months have been the most fun I've had in ages, weeks, maybe ever. So, I reckon what makes Ed happy is you."

like these are cute lines, but they're also awkward ways to stumble around just outright saying "I Care About You" and it's so real and incredibly relatable. i know EXACTLY how it feels to nervously try and tell someone you like like them and ofmd does it so so well

(bonus tag game: if u reblog this and ur comfortable w it, PLEASE tell me about an awkward confession you have given or received, i love shit like this. i will, of course, add my own story in the tags of the original post)

For my Vampibals™️ (I don't know if I coined that term but I'm taking credit.)

tshirt that says "i am normal about the media i enjoy" on the front and "(lying)" on the back

i fucking love kermits nephew. like look at him

peak character design. he’s just a little baby

the way ofmd deals with masculinity is so fascinating. we have stede, who’s about the least masculine a character could possibly be in the traditional sense: he gets sad instead of angry, he refuses to engage in physical violence, he encourages talking about feelings, he likes fashion and interior design and romanticizes everything. he likes picking flowers. and he has been told for his whole life that he is worthless because of all of this. he has been bullied and taunted and abused for it, but that didn’t keep him from adding a secret closet to his ship (lmao) to keep his excess fineries. he is still outwardly himself.

then we have ed. ed who is the pinnacle of the idea of masculinity, part of why he was remembered as history’s greatest pirate in the first place. he’s violent, ruthless, quick to anger, hierarchical, and his name, blackbeard, even emphasizes a symbol of masculinity. he’s revered for his masculinity. his performance is so powerful that people surrender before he even shows up in person. but it’s not him. blackbeard is a character ed has played for as long as he could remember that served to protect him from harm. you can't get hurt if you're never vulnerable in the first place.

when he meets stede, he finds someone he doesn’t have to present as blackbeard for. he can indulge in the frilly colorful clothes, the dancing, the emotional honesty that stede treats as normal. ed lets stede hold his heart in his hands and stede calls it beautiful. and stede, for the first time, has met someone who doesn’t see those things as hateful or embarrassing. everything stede has been mocked for unequivocally delights ed. in the reverse, stede sees blackbeard as the man stede never was. the ideal of a pirate that he read about and romanticized before he became one himself. to stede, blackbeard is everything he could never bring himself to be.

when ed begins to outwardly become interested in stede’s way of life, izzy serves to try to force him back into that hypermasculine presentation of Blackbeard. izzy hates stede for all the same reasons stede has been hated his whole life, and he sees stede as poisoning edward with his embarrassing foppish behavior, emasculating him. this comes to a head when ed signs the act of grace, shaves his beard (the symbol of his performance of masculinity), and kisses stede. all of those go against traditional masculine norms and by extent, the idea of Blackbeard. but ed isn’t performing anymore. he smiles more after the kiss than he ever does in the rest of the show.

then, stede is held at gunpoint by chauncey, who calls stede a monster, a plague for ruining the greatest pirate in history. ruining through emasculation, which in countless other media has been presented as horrific. think about other media that puts masculine characters in prison or the army (the similarities are staggering)—the threat of beating the character down until they’re submissive and emasculated is ever-present. losing the appearance of masculinity is by and large seen as one of the worst things that could possibly happen, and is often paired thematically with the loss of autonomy.

so stede agrees. he’s horrified with himself. he himself was already not traditionally masculine, and he spread it to blackbeard like a disease. everything he (and, interestingly, the viewer) has ever been told is that ed’s shift throughout the show is something to be terrified of. ed shaving his beard, in stede’s mind, confirmed his worst fear: stede had made ed into everything stede hated about himself and wanted to change; he killed blackbeard. but what he and chauncey and izzy can’t see is that stede actually gave ed more autonomy, more freedom and comfort to be himself and do what makes ed happy.

so stede runs. he runs back to where he once performed masculinity as a father and husband (regaining his own beard, so to speak), now sure that blackbeard would have been better off not knowing him. on some level, stede does want parts of blackbeard’s edge to stay (he’s like izzy in that way) and is scared he’s somehow excised it permanently. ed doesn’t want to leave it all behind either, but he’s terrified that stede could never accept the side of him that still exists as blackbeard. i also think this is why ed didn't try to kiss stede until he was the least like blackbeard he could be; he saw it as being less likely to get rejected for the ugliness he saw in himself.

it's interesting that ed doesn't go back to being blackbeard immediately after stede abandons him. at first, he goes all-in on the emotional vulnerability, trying to hang on to the hope he had allowed himself to experience when stede had agreed to run away with him. hanging on by a thread. the thread snaps when izzy mocks him for pining after stede, for lacking the masculinity izzy required in order to maintain his respect. in quick succession ed was rejected by stede, whom he loved, and izzy, whose respect he'd had since before the show began. so he threw his walls back up. he painted his mask back on, closed himself off, and removed every reminder of when he had allowed himself to be vulnerable.

ed's return to masculinity is not presented as a good thing. it's a trauma response, a defense mechanism, and it's toxic. the show experiments with defining a line between toxic and non-toxic masculinity; izzy, calico jack, the kraken, stede's father, the admiral twins, they all represent the ways toxic masculinity enforces a culture of violence and punishes any emotion except anger. stede and his crew represent a healthier version of masculinity: emotional honesty, encouragement and care for others, kindness, and love. it's not an accident that as ed allows himself to love and be loved, he begins to leave behind the toxic aspects of masculinity he had before. i've used the word emasculated to refer to ed's transformation throughout the show, but in truth that's not entirely accurate. it lines up with how many people would view what happened to him, but in reality he did remain a man, he just became a healthier one.

daily schedule

1 hour: do work

23 hours: cry about gay pirates

please send help. i haven’t slept in weeks and my family is starving

An extremely low effort 10th birthday wish for our beloved Mizumono. They grow up so fast..

Hannibal (2013-2015) Interview with the Vampire (2022-)