Some Of Us Won’t Be Coming Back. Others May Be Wounded.

In a way, as painful as it is, it’s great seeing who the legendary Blackbeard really is (Not Ed, not just Blackbeard, the Legendary Blackbeard)

From the beginning of the show they tell us about this terrifying, monstrous pirate, Blackbeard. Then we meet him and see he’s just a dork who is bored and really likes Stede’s lifestyle. Our thoughts are just, “Oh, he must be just a dork with a bad reputation”

And when Izzy or Calico Jack say things like “You’ve changed” or “The Blackbeard I knew would have killed them in a heartbeat”, and our reaction is like Stede’s. “That is absurd” “Maybe these people don’t know Ed” “Our Ed, doing that, being a monster, let me laugh”

So when Ed then throws Lucius off-board with a cold, disturbing expression and cuts Izzy’s finger off and makes him eat it we are shocked.

We didn’t think Blackbeard was this. Izzy and Calico tried to warn us, their characters told us, but we didn’t listen. Because we are so in love with Ed as Stede is, and we know Ed, but we didn’t know Blackbeard

As I previously stated, I loved 01x05. It was fantastic. It was real. It brought my emotions to the forefront, and I don't get to experience that with much of anything, these days. But, this little misfit family... I feel for all three of these characters, in my own way. (They're fictional, so, yes, I can do that, thanks). Possibly because I have been in each of their positions, in one form or another, throughout my life.

I'm going to get mighty personal with this one, so be warned.

01x05 hit home for me, in a big way. This is a legitimate breakdown of a forced family unit, and that's something I personally feel for. Children have been the Bad Marriage Band-Aid for generations, and I am grateful to the writers for acknowledging it. (Some of us get a little tired of seeing cookie-cutter families, when ours look more like the aftermath of an oven fire, y'know what I mean?). We're getting to see it from all three sides, too, which I find absolutely refreshing. One parent thinks the child will settle the relationship. The other goes along with it, and ends up so blinded by jealousy, there is no middle ground left.

Claudia, though. This girl... She has my heart. Claudia is not to blame for what she was brought into, the absolutely fucked-up relationship that her guardians share. Is she a little shit? Yes. Is she hard-headed? Yes. Unstable, in terms of coming into her own? Yes. But, she is not the cause of her parents' issues. That's a hard thing to overcome as a child brought up under such circumstances, especially when the household arguments are about you. Because, sure, they may be about you, but you did not cause them. Claudia isn't the origin of Louis and Lestat's tensions. She is the excuse to pick a semi-fresh fight. She is the mirror held up in front of the two of them to show them that, "Hey, this isn't right." The product of their unstable union. The best and worst of one another in one person. (Speaking of her vampiric years, not her humanity). That isn't to say that there isn't genuine concern for her, particularly on the part of Louis. Claudia just got caught up in a toxic situation, and it's no wonder she took the hell off. I'm not surprised which parent's side she took, either. (Then again, are any of us?).

Louis and Lestat are... Well, I feel less for the two of them. Some years ago, I was in a relationship with similar features, so I think what I am experiencing is that mirror (minus the children). I will first say that nothing - nothing - excuses abuse. I've seen it. I've experienced it. Hell, I'm guilty of it. I also acknowledge that abuse takes many forms. I see it in Lestat's constant manipulations. I see it in Louis' repeated threats to leave. Louis withholding intimacies (not just sexual). Lestat playing his little one-sided What's Good for the Goose game, in terms of monogamy. They both know what they are doing to one another, they know the reactions they will trigger, yet they keep doing it. It's an ugly, ugly cycle, and it won't end until one of them cuts the damned cord. Breaks the chain. (I don't exactly advocate that they do so through violence, but). Walking away isn't easy, fuck knows it isn't. There's truth to the notion that things need to hit rock bottom before they can get better.

No one is asking to be abused. That isn't what I'm getting at. My point is that these two are so completely caught up in trying to hurt one another, blame one another, and sabotage the other from the inside out, they ignore what it is doing to their charge. They know she can hear them fighting, and they carry on. Falling victim to The Pattern is part of the cycle, and it is likely to be passed on to Claudia. This whole situation is toxic. This is abuse. This is co-dependent. Everybody sucks, here. (Sorry, I had to). And, by golly, I will be here for it until the bitter end.

Y'know. God-willing.

P.S. I'll happily clarify anything that sounds shitty, if need be. I'm rattling this off at work, between what I should be doing, so. Y'know.

Some point next season Ed’s gonna wake up next to Stede in his little nightcap with his stupid lil sleep mask on and be like This Is the Pinnacle of Beauty

Me during job interviews

is this about taika’s eyes again? NO! it’s also about his pretty face

Hannibal Whump | Part 4 | Atrocious Torture Instruments

cannot stress enough how much i love the way our flag means death portrays blackbeard in the finale. there is no mistaking that everything he’s doing is a facade. he doesn’t want this. he wanted to be loved. he wanted to be happy. but he’s come to the conclusion that that life just isn’t for him. he’s only ever been a monster, it’s the easy way out. but the final shot of blackbeard isn’t him sailing confidently to his next adventure. it’s him breaking down on stede’s bed, crying so hard that the makeup he’s using to mask himself is running down his face. he is broken. we all know that, and they’re not trying to tell us anything different.

You can't tell me that Hannibal wouldn't let Will have this one... as a little treat. And then everyone would stand up and clap.

(Ifkyk. If you don't, prepare yourself if you look it up.)

Relatable tbh