Yesusth - Oh...

s h a p e s h i f t e r

I'd kill for you don't even start 🕸️

my real form

Shinjuku, Tokyo

Had a vision about Alucard in a rockstar AU so i decided to make it everyone's problem <3

rereading my own writing is just a constant fluctuation between "damn, girl, you wrote this? (affectionate)" and "damn, girl, you wrote this? (derogatory)"

Must-watch Documentaries.

kushnstarbucks:

POLITICS AND HISTORY

“Why We Fight” (BBC, 2005)

“Fahrenheit 9/11” (Michael Moore, 2004)

“War on Democracy” (John Pilger, 2007)

“Hijacking Catastrophe” (Sut Jhally, 2004)

“Breaking the Silence” (John Pilger, 2003)

“Fog of War” (Robert McNamara, 2003)

HEALTH, FOOD, AND NATURE

“Food Inc.” (Robert Kenner, 2008)

“Super Size Me” (Morgan Spurlock, 2004)

“Planet Earth” (Discovery Channel, 2006)

MEDIA AND COMMUNICATIONS

“Reel Bad Arabs: How Hollywood Vilifies a People” (Jack Shaheen, 2006)

“Control Room” (Magnolia Pictures, 2004)

“Hearts and Minds” (Peter Davis, 1974)

“Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media” (Herman, 1992)

“Weapons of Mass Deception” (Danny Schechter, 2004)

“The War You Don’t See” (John Pilger, 2010)

SOCIETY AND CULTURE

“The Century of the Self” (BBC, 2004)

“Shouting Fire: Stories from the Edge of Free Speech” (HBO, 2009)

“Debate: Political Islam – Is it a threat to the West?” (Doha Debates, 2009)

“Bowling for Columbine” (Michael Moore, 2002)

“Hamza Tzortzis: Liberalism & Islam” (LSESU, 2011)

“Jesus Camp” (A&E Indiefilms, 2006)

“A Time for Burning” (William C. Jersey, 1966)

“Malcolm X: Make it Plain” (AE, 1994)

PALESTINE

“Peace, Propaganda & the Promised Land” (Sut Jhally, 2004)

“The Israel Lobby” (Stephen Walt, John Mearsheimer)

“Defamation” (Norman Finkelstein, 2009)

“Palestine Is Still the Issue” (John Pilger, 2003)

“Occupation 101” (Abdallah Omeish, 2006)

HUMAN RIGHTS

“The Road to Guantanamo” (Michael Winterbottom, 2006)

“Taxi to the Dark Side” (Moazzam Begg, 2007)

“Fallujah, The Hidden Massacre” (Italy, 2005)

“Generation Kill” (Journeyman Pictures, 2004)

“The War Tapes” (Deborah Scranton, 2006)

ECONOMICS AND GLOBALIZATION

“Commanding Height: Battle for the World Economy” (PBS, 2002)

“The Corporation” (Noam Chomsky, 2003)

“Walmart: The High Cost of Low Prices” (Brave New Films, 2005)

“Money as Debt” (Paul Grignon, 2006)

“Darwin’s Nightmare” (Hubert Sauper, 2004)

“End of Suburbia” (Gregory Greene, 2004)

“Life + Debt” (Stephanie Black, 2001)

“Smartest Guys in the Room” (Alex Gibney, 2005)

MISCELLANEOUS

“Inside Islam: What a billion Muslim really think” (Dalia Mogahed, 2009)

“Islam: Empire of Faith” (PBS, 2000)

“Inside Mecca” (National Geographic, 2003)

“Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple” (PBS, 2006)

“Death of the Freedom Fighter” (Al Jazeera, 2009)

“The Trouble With Atheism” (Dimitri Collingridge, 2006)

“Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed” (Premise, 2008)

“To Catch a Predator” (Dateline, NBC)

“An Islamic History of Europe” (Omaar Rageh, BBC)

“Free Fahad” (Siraj Wahaj, 2008)

“Entrapment or Foling Terror?” (Amy Goodman, 2010)

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

a guide to exploring abandoned farms

essential supplies include: plenty of food and water, a change of socks, a hat, rope, bandaids, a knife, gloves, an acorn in your pocket, and an offering

there are always odd noises on the farm. half of them come from the animals

try to forget what the lake looks like between the hours of three and four AM

never ever find yourself alone in the milking shed in the south end of the farm. time passes differently there

if you happen to hurt yourself in your exploration, make sure you do not bleed onto the dirt

bring plenty of water, you do not want to drink from there

the cows will watch you, this is normal

close every gate you open, even if the fields are empty. don’t ever leave one open behind you, just trust me

beware unstable rocks, the cracks tend to be filled with insect nests

bring a weapon with you, but no guns

if you see someone else while exploring, never tell them your name. you can never be sure if they are real or not, and further out you go, the less real they will seem. the patupaiarehe have evolved in cruel and unusual ways

do not go inside the empty share-milkers cottages, whatever you do, do not go inside. something else lives there now

a tree with the undersides of its leaves showing mean that a storm is coming. a tree with no leaves means the storm has already come

sometimes the hills look like they’re moving. be aware of this, because some things don’t like to be disturbed

do not sleep under the full moon, in fact, just don’t sleep on the farm

finding skulls is normal, only become worried when you start finding ribs

if you find yourself lost in a forest, continue walking in a straight line until you are free again. the trees may make it look as though you are going in circles, but i promise you’re not. ignore the soft music you can hear

your phone won’t work out here

the ghosts from the land wars won’t harm you, but be sure to show them respect

don’t take anything from the farm with you when you leave. just be grateful you have made it out alive

Source: poeticalphotos