Ares: BEST CHRISTMAS EVER

100th level spells

Abjuration: Protection from physics. You are no longer affected by gravity, inertia, temperature, etc.

Conjuration: Summon literally every demon (10ft radius)

Divination: Detect whether you are actually a fictional construct taking part in a semi-improvised game narrative or not.

Enchantment: Mind control people so effectively that they were already doing the thing you wanted them to do before you mind controlled them. Some might say this is just you taking credit for people doing things they were gonna do anyway, but what do martials know?

Evocation: BLOW UP THE FUCKING SUN.

Illusion: Send yourself into a fully realistic dream world so you never need to bother with existence again. Good luck with the lich army fuckers!

Necromancy: Animate dead but on all the world's fossil fuels.

Transmutation: Transform the entire multiverse into a no-magic high-tech humans-only world where the real world only exists as a reasonably popular tabletop RPG line.

Universal: Maximum counterspell. Cast on a wizard they forget everything after the day they started wizard school, cast on a cleric or warlock it kills their patron, cast on a druid it causes a global mass extinction and cast on a sorcerer to make all their blood fall out.

The duality of humanity:

( @gigizetz )

without question

“69” is now known as “96”.

Thanks to inflation the cost of eating out has gone way up.

So, when I started writing up a book, I decided, "Hey, I should make up a language for these little aliens, it won't take that long, right?"

"Oh."

"Oh no."

"Oh God, what have i gotten myself into?"

A robber held up a well-dressed man, pointing his gun and yelling, “Give me all your money!”

The man replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m a U.S. congressman!” 

The robber retorted, “In that case, give me all my money!”

this should not have gagged me as hard as it did

me at any given time: can we just buckle down and focus on the task at hand please???

my brain:

my brain: ……….ranibow sprimkle……………

how i picture penelope every time in The Challenge