Tonight’s Activities🍓

i’m actively suicidal and i really can’t see why that’s a bad thing

“No one has realized how unhappy I am…they haven’t noticed the dark inside my eyes”

- the suicide effect

Ong

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Well fuck you.

What doesn't kill me makes me want to kill myself, and trust me; someday i will.

I love my scars, they are part of me and my story, they are proof that I survived although it was not easy. I still have demons within me, but I hope there will come a time when I will be happy and free from it all. I'm not ashamed of my scars, I don't hide them, neither should you all either because everyone has a story they've struggled with, but it's proof that we're still here after that all. It is not others business and fuck their looks or comments.

I don’t know who is this monster wearing my skin

My brain needs to shut up shut up shut up. I want to smash it until it stops

My scars have been fading as well and their barely there at this point but if you really want to see them you can, this is exactly how I feel.

You can’t see them anymore, my scars, unless you really want to. 

I have photos to prove that they were there. 

And I have enough hatred for myself left to see them now. 

They’re going to get clearer and clearer and I’m going to hate myself more and more and I don’t want people to put up with that. 

But at the same time, I can’t bring myself to keep them faded. 

Because they’re a part of me, now, forever. Battle scars. 

Maybe, also, it’s a part of feeling valid. As if seeing them makes me entitled to the bad days that I occasionally have. The days of suffocating panic and the constant ‘scars, scars, scars, scars’ that runs through my head. 

Well, look. I don’t have these days often, and they come with the reappearance of my scars in summertime. 

So, really, I’m just silly. 

I just want to love myself. Scars and all. 

And I can’t just get rid of them. That wouldn’t be fair. 

So what am I meant to do?

Ignoring them doesn’t work, and hiding them isn’t practical. 

They’re starting to reappear, slowly. The sun has that effect. 

I dislike it but why am I making no effort to fix it?

I think I covered that, but I do have the tendency to circle. 

I want to cry and that is remarkably stupid but I do. 

I do. 

really fucking hate the life that ive made for myself