The Medical Community On Literally Every Female Specific Health Issue Ever: “very Common Condition”

Me in history class: Wow, humanity has been through some fascinating times!  I wonder if I’ll ever live through major historical events!

Me now: NO NO NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE

i see a lot of quotes from Lundy Bancroft’s excellent book Why Does He Do That circulating on this website, but i’ve never really seen the last chapter quoted. So this is an excerpt from it: “Creating an Abuse-free World”. 

(A note: the book is written for women who suffer intimate partner violence at the hands of men, because it is sorely needed and because that’s what the author has professional experience with. However, this insight is valuable for people of all genders, and also in situations in which the abuser is not a partner or former partner.)

“How can I help my daughter, sister, or friend who is being abused?

If you would like to make a significant difference in the life of an abused woman you care about, keep the following principle fresh in your mind: your goal is to be the complete opposite of what the abuser is.

THE ABUSER: Pressures her severely

SO YOU SHOULD: Be patient. Remember that it takes time for an abused woman to sort out her confusion and figure out how to handle her situation. It is not helpful for her to try to follow your timetable for when she should stand up to her partner, leave him, call the police, or whatever step you want her to take. You need to respect her judgement regarding when she is ready to take action - something her abuser never does.

THE ABUSER: Talks down to her

SO YOU SHOULD: Address her as an equal. Avoid all traces of condescension or superior knowledge in your voice. This caution applies just as much or more to professionals. If you speak to an abused woman as if you are smarter or wiser than she is, or as if she is going through something that could never happen to you, then you inadvertently confirm exactly what the abuser has been telling her, which is that she is beneath him. Remember, your actions speak louder than your words.

THE ABUSER: Thinks he knows what is good for her better than she does

SO YOU SHOULD: Treat her as the expert on her own life. Don’t assume that you know what she needs to do. I have sometimes given abused women suggestions that I thought were exactly right but turned out to be terrible for that particular situation. Ask her what she thinks might work and, without pressuring her, offer suggestions, respecting her explanations for why certain courses of action would not be helpful. Don’t tell her what to do.

THE ABUSER: Dominates conversations

SO YOU SHOULD: Listen more and talk less. The temptation may be great to convince her what a “jerk” he is, to analyze his motives, to give speeches covering entire chapters of this book. But talking too much inadvertently communicates to her that your thoughts are more important than hers, which is exactly how the abuser treats her. If you want her to value her own feelings and opinions, then you have to show her that you value them.

THE ABUSER: Believes he has the right to control her life

SO YOU SHOULD: Respect her right to self-determination. She is entitled to make decisions that are not exactly what you would choose, including the decision to stay with her abusive partner or to return to him after a separation. You can’t convince a woman that her life belongs to her if you are simultaneously acting like it belongs to you. Stay by her even when she makes choices that you don’t like.

THE ABUSER: Assumes he understands her children and their needs better than she does

SO YOU SHOULD: Assume that she is a competent, caring mother. Remember that there is no simple way to determine what is best for the children of an abused woman. Even if she leaves the abuser, the children’s problems are not necessarily over, and sometimes abusers actually create worse difficulties for the children postseparation than before. You cannot help her to find the best path for her children unless you have a realistic grasp of the complicated set of choices that face her.

THE ABUSER: Thinks for her

SO YOU SHOULD: Think with her. Don’t assume the role of teacher or rescuer. Instead, join forces with her as a respectful and equal team member.

Notice that being the opposite of the abuser does not simply mean saying the opposite of what he says. If he beseeches her with “Don’t leave me, don’t leave me,” and you stand on the other side badgering her with, “Leave him, leave him,” she will feel that you’re much like him; you are both pressuring her to accept your judgement of what she should do. Neither of you is asking the empowering question, “What do you want to do?”

how do I find a fic that’s exactly like the one I’ve just read but also different

The Spider Queen

They were the one thing her mother hated and her father loved, the three tarantulas that had come to visit the little girl with the pink toy teapot that poured out real tea. She was always happy to see them, would get out her mismatched teaset and hand out cups - light pink for Jer, hot pink for Kei, and yellow for Mey. 

She had always been a rather odd child. Her mother a bitter human and her father an elven druid in search of knowledge, and herself a half-elf. She had a proficiency for accidental magic, even before the expected age. Yet no one could explain how she conjured tea into her little pink teapot, fresh and steaming. She refused to say, simply smiling and saying that the spiders had taught her. 

When she started school, both parents were relieved, hoping their daughter would begin to make friends with other elves or humans, or half-elves. For a bit, they thought it was working. Their daughter spoke of three little ones that she enjoyed spending time with, named Jer, Kei, and Mey. She came home with various gifts gift from the three, from a beautifully and expertly crafted white silk hair tie to a dress woven in patterns that even the most professional seamstress hadn’t seen before to a simple black friendship bracelet woven from what looked hair. Her parents were willing to ignore these strange gifts in favor of being happy that their child was interacting with other humans. 

Then, of course, the school sent a letter telling them to visit the school while the children were at lunch. The teacher sat them down, explaining that the girl didn’t interact with other children, and at recess sat beside a tree and talked to three large, alarming spiders. No matter how hard the school had tried, they were unable to either get the tarantulas off of the premises nor were they able to convince her to get them to leave. Her parents were disappointed, watching throughout recess as their daughter ran off from the group of children heading for the playground to sit beside a tree and talk to the spiders that had grown exponentially. They were now half the size that she was, and clicking their pincers excitedly. 

The parents could do nothing, no matter what they tried - banishing spells, fire, forbidding her to ever see the spiders again. They watched as their daughter grew up, hitting puberty and pimples breaking out along her face, her insecurities arising, the spiders following her nearly everywhere; her first heartbreak, and the ensuing hug(?) that lasted forever; when she graduated, they were waiting offstage for her and clicking their pincers along with the rest of the crowd’s applause. By that time, they were as large as she was. 

She got all A’s in her classes, excelling most in nature magic, a battered little pink teapot in her backpack always. When she went off to college, they went too, and her parents frowned in disapproval at it, but said nothing. She studied history, memorizing tales of the Spider Queen, an evil woman taught and mentored by three spiders who influenced her to take over the world. 

It made her think of herself, to an extent, but never once had Jer, Kae, or Mey ever tried to tell her to take over the world. Instead, they told her that she could accomplish her goals, she was better than she believed herself to be, and listening to the bullies of her school was a bad idea. She trusted them, after they had kept her from losing herself to her own low self-esteem. So, when they told her that she was who she read about, she trusted them. She refused however, to do as her previous self had done, and rule the world. 

Instead, she pursued a career as a Shaman, a helper and selfless person who didn’t worry for herself and instead helped maintain the balance of light at dark, knowing that without one there couldn’t be the other. Her career led to her own writings, published works that gave her a name in the history books, one her past life had already had. The Spider Queen. 

Image Prompt

aesthetic: the three headed rat queen from the russian nutcracker movie and her three headed rat son

i just want one (1) original post of mine to be famous

oh theres a witch in these woods??? is she single???

#steven saying what we were all thinking

CON SAVE // one of my comics from the D&Doodles book