Pretend You Didn't See That.

Pretend you didn't see that.

A screenshot of a tumblr post by genderqueerdykes. It contains an anonymous ask with the following content:

I want to say something and I know it's going to piss a lot of people off, that they're immediately going to call me transphobic etc. but I want to point something out. 

Someone raised as a female and someone raised as a male are different. They are raised differently, they grow up with different rights, everyone knows this. Society places value on the male, praises the male, excuses the male and puts sole focus on him. 

The female gets used to being spoken over, being passed over, being taken advantage of, given less opportunities. 

Now imagine that these people, both raised in this way, come out as trans. A transwoman and a transman. Is the transwoman going to suddenly unlearn all of those behaviors? Of talking over others, of over exaggerating her self importance, of assuming that ciswoman and now transmascs are stupid and can't speak for themselves? 

Maybe she'll try hard to "prove herself" as a woman and jump onto "all men should die" bandwagons. Overcompensation because she is insecure in herself, and her identity. If she says all men should die then surely no one could mistake her as a man. And it's easy to put down the people you've put down your entire life already (transmen are just women to these types of transfems). 

Before you say "that's transphobic!" Please actually consider what I'm saying. You can't easily unlearn how you were raised. Society is obsessed with men, with CIS men who have penises. Society is also obsessed with transwomen, they're popular in porn, they're a target for hatred, they're used in every single example of transness. And why? 

It is because they have penises, it is because they "used to be men". A transwoman is above a transman because one "used to be" a man and "one used to be" a woman. And in this society having a vagina or a penis defines your experience for LIFE. 

Society doesn't make a distinction just because you transition. When a transwoman talks over a transman, she is doing exactly what she always did before coming out. Mansplaining doesn't stop being a thing just because someone stops being a man. Does that make sense?
A screenshot of genderqueerdykes' response to that ask reading:

i agree with you, i've been thinking about this for quite a long time. this might be too much nuance for tumblr, but as an intersex person, i need people to understand the way a child is socialized impacts them for life until they actively choose to challenge it or just keep going. before anyone gets mad at anon or us, please consider that they are genuinely right and it doesn't matter how much it bothers you. it doesn't change the fact that this is genuinely what is going on at the moment.

please note that we are talking about specific transfeminine people and not all transfeminine people when we say that there are issues in the community. these are community-wide issues, but it has nothing to do with saying that transfemininity is to blame here. it's the actions people are choosing to take. please consider this before assuming this kind of talk is transphobic. it is not. it is a conversation about toxic behavior that is hurting someone.

the issue here, like stated, is that unfortunately, a lot of transfems have internalized toxic masculinity that they may never end up challenging due to being raised as a boy or man, and being taught that you can only be a man in certain ways. this is a very common issue i've seen with a lot of transfems i've befriended and dated irl. we ALL have to unlearn toxic masculinity, especially people raised to be, perceived to be, and interacted with like they're men. transfems are often interacted with like men even if they no longer identify as one. 

as you said it can take forever to unlearn these things. we are ALL taught misogyny, toxic masculinity, transphobia and so on. it's going to take a while for someone to get past that and its okay to show sympathy, but ive noticed an unfortunately hefty number of transfems who make 0 effort to undo their internalized misogyny because they retained the bullheaded "I'm right because I have a penis." mentality that so many penis-having transfems have. others have the superiority complex simply from being raised as a boy/man, thinking they are inherently smarter than everyone around them for no good reason. i've faced the transfeminine superiority complex too many times. too many transfems view themselves as the smartest person in the room due to toxic masculinity & being socialized a man but it's gotta stop.

a lot of transfems have internalized misogyny to work on. a lot of transfems i've met in my life genuinely think people with vaginas are dumb, weak, and useless. i've watched transfems go from treating someone like they're intelligent, competent and on their level to literally saying something like "oh wow nevermind you really are just like the rest of them" rolling their eyes and walking off after they found out someone had a vagina. i've heard a lot of transfems complain about this out loud. literally say the worst things about cis women, vaginas, and people who have/used to have vaginas. even disgust for trans women and transfems who have gotten neovaginas. 

i've seen a lot of transfems resort to instantly yelling the second they're so much as questioned or even ask to clarify themselves. i've noticed a lot of transfems have this issue, and it's from internalized toxic masculinity. they've been taught that men raise their voices, and women stay quiet. they benefit from this still, s they keep doing it. i've also seen a lot of transfems default to throwing things or hitting people, screaming at someone unrelated, insulting people, literally making up lies and accusing people of things they haven't done, misgendering people, and so on
A screenshot continuing genderqueerdykes' response:

there is a massive penis fixation, correct. my trans ex-girl friend, her friends, partners, and other people who lived with us and came to visit had penis fixations hardcore. my ex trans gf literally stopped liking me and treating me like a person the second she found out i didn't have one. i was constantly made to feel bad for not having one. i was reminded that penis = man. she told me that as a swer, her clients that were men were just "secretly gay" because they were attracted to her penis. she started treating me like a stupid cishet woman the second she found out i had a vag. 

there's also a huge misgendering fascination in a lot of transfems circles. some of the transfems i lived with were literally in misgendering kink discord servers and talked about it openly. they were misgendering trans men and transmascs mostly, and no, it was not with their consent. they did it constantly, out loud, to transmascs and trans men in their lives. they did not care how it affected anyone. this is a huge problem right now i am serious. it's okay to have a misgendering kink, but the recipient HAS TO BE A CONSENTING ADULT. consent was violated a lot there

she suddenly became super misogynistic the second she found out i had a vag and i'm tired of pretending like all trans women are instantly enlightened the second we come out as trans women.

we're not. we're really fucking not.

we  have so much patriarchal bullshit we have to unlearn. we treat each other with it. we are so misogynistic to one another. transfems bully the shit out of other transfems who dont pass. transfems love trying to call each other ugly men it's not good. it's really vicious. and a lot of conversations end up becoming yelling matches because that's the only way some transfems were taught to communicate due to toxic masculinity & patriarchal conditioning. it's not being transmisogynistic to point this out. it's really not.

if transmascs need to sit for hours and unlearn transmisogyny, which is fine, transfems must do the same about internalized misogyny and toxic masculinity. some transfems do not change any of their behaviors after coming out and this unfortunately has consequences. 

take care anon. these are hard pills to swallow, but its the truth. trans men and mascs can't be the only ones getting dogged on here for having cishet patriarchal bullshit to undo. we all have this struggle. trans women are not fucking enlightened the second we come out as trans women. we have hard fucking work to do, too. boot up. your sisters are depending on you to not treat them with misogyny and toxic masculinity. you owe them more than that.

This is a level of transmisogyny that is somewhat hard to comment on because the things that one would normally point out as transmisogynistic implications are said so brazenly that there can be no pretense about any of the involved parties being unaware of it. The authors know, the readers know, everybody understands that this is pure transmisogyny. There is no plausible deniability.

It's an attempt to establish proximity between transfems and cis manhood in every way possible. Their bodies, their histories, their "socialization", the way they are treated by others, the way they treat and view others, their ways of thinking, even their self-conception. Every aspect of their being is cast as essentially male. Transfems are being called "men" in all but name - and not just any "men", they are made into embodiments of the worst aspects of hegemonic manhood. Not just male socialized but continuing to benefit from male socialization. Not just engaging in abusive behaviors stemming from male socialization but being afforded the freedom to do so because they continue to be treated as men. (Suffice it to say that this does not align with reality)

This is unadulterated sex-essentialism and it's intentionally being used to delegitimize and devalue the standpoint of transfems in feminist discourses. It's clear that the author is projecting transmisogynist ideas onto transfems and simply assumes that these ideas must be correct without considering any alternative. (The fact that transfems do not internalize "male socialization" has been reiterated many times over and should not have to be continually reasserted. This is a baseline level of understanding that we should be able to expect and demand from members of our community.)

Misogyny is framed as being contained within the realms of sexed bodies and gendered socialization in such a way that it allows for the casting of transfems as people enacting misogyny without being primary targets themselves - like cis men.

The claim that the animosity some transfems exhibit towards men comes from wanting to "prove" their womanhood serves the double purpose of casting their womanhood as inauthentic and denying the misogyny they suffer at the hands of men. One would be hard pressed to find a more cruel mischaracterization of transfems' experiences than this.

The cynical misappropriation of the standpoint of the people this screed is directed at by the use of "we" despite making it abundantly clear that the behavior that is being criticized and its supposed causes exempt people such as the author from the possibility of engaging in it should also be noted as an attempt at weaponizing a compromised version of standpoint epistemology against transfems.

The only plausible target audience for this kind of rhetoric are those who carry extreme ressentiment towards transfems and are susceptible to softened formulations of TERF ideology. These are the same kinds of ideas that TERFs have tried to push into trans spaces numerous times, e.g. under names like "sex-conscious feminsim".

A formulaic "retreat" from this post consisting entirely of platitudes has been published after the author received backlash for it but nobody is under any obligation to accept it and they absolutely should not. A person who was very obviously attempting to promote TERF ideology in trans spaces and in the same stroke accused transfems of being uniquely prone to making false accusations is not trustworthy, even if that person backs down upon realizing that the reception is more uniformly negative than anticipated.

@genderqueerdykes @gateway-2000 is a transmisogynist, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Its entire worldview is permeated by transmisogynistic assumptions, ideas and biases at a fundamental level. It has straightforwardly expressed an understanding of transfems' interiorities, their experiences and their social positions that is so incorrect that one has to wonder how someone holding these views could have navigated trans communities for a considerable amount of time without encountering the many transfeminist rebuttals to all of its demagoguery. How could someone with even a passing level of familiarity with TERF ideology or "gender critical feminism" read and espouse these ideas without recognizing them? It's completely unthinkable. It's not unreasonable to assume that it simply misjudged the consensus within its audience as being sufficiently anti-transfeminist for ideas such as these to fall upon fertile ground and it is now going back to waiting until the time is ripe to reintroduce them and to expressing them in more subtle ways until then.

But you can't un-ring a bell.

We can and should assert boundaries against reactionaries engaging in obvious subversion such as this. Refusing to do so is a deleterious error in judgement. This is very far beyond the limits of what any trans community that wants to consider transfems a part of itself can be allowed to tolerate.

More Posts from Worldwidenoises and Others

2 months ago

i totally forgot to post my tptm tattoo, oops. anyways.. i got nurse parallel lyrics tattooed on the inside of my arm so click below to see 💔💔

I Totally Forgot To Post My Tptm Tattoo, Oops. Anyways.. I Got Nurse Parallel Lyrics Tattooed On The

ignore the low quality and the foot with the croc. but i had my mom try to do a watercolor-esque style on it, and it's really growing on me. it's not perfect, and that's okay! it gives it charm, and makes it human.

i had her touch it up again around a week ago and now it's done! i hope the community likes it. this may or may not be the first tptm tattoo... that's AWESOME.

(idgaf if people opposite of my views interact with this one post, mostly because i like the attention and i'm so proud of my mom's tattoo work)


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1 year ago

Hello everybody.

Please share resources and don’t keep silent about Palestine. Dedicate your day for them today. Do not ignore them, do not let their voices go unheard.

Here are some resources you can share around:

daily click

esims for Gaza

call for a ceasefire

donate feminine hygiene kits

learn about Palestine

Education, sources, donations

Shut it down for Palestine

Please do not ignore this post, share as much information and resources as you can for Palestine.


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1 year ago

watching people react to the existence of Black Palestinians is WILD. youse really need to unlearn the orientalism and anti-Black racism in your understanding of SWANA countries. People from the SWANA region come in all shades, ethnicities, and there are are 1000s of languages. As the palest person in my Lebanese family, let me tell you that we all look different even within families. "Palestinian" is not a race. Arab is not even really a race, it just refers to people who culturally speak Arabic as a first language. Palestinian is a nationality and ethnicity, it's not a race. Watching people in the West over the last 9 months be shocked there are a Black Palestinians, pale Palestinians, Jewish Palestinians, etc has shown me that many of youse have your hearts in the right place but have a long way to go in your decolonisation learning. Zionism is a supremacist movement and cannot and will not be fought with an ignorant non-inclusive movement that reinforces anti-Black racism and orientalism. A free Palestine won't be achieved if your advocacy is based on a homogeneous, orientalised, and anti-Black vision of what Palestine is and who Palestinians are.

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11 months ago

ok ill start this off by saying ive never seen courage the cowardly dog in my life. but oh my god this damn computer

Ok Ill Start This Off By Saying Ive Never Seen Courage The Cowardly Dog In My Life. But Oh My God This

me and my non-objectum friend have been RAVING over this computer. absolutely going CRAZY. this computer has no right to have such an erotic voice my LORD. work up a good drool? SIR YES SIR 🫡

ive never watched an episode of this show in my life but goddamn this computer... fans face with hand...


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11 months ago

Constantly fucking hearing white queers appropriate non-woman and non-man (terms used to talk about the degendering poc face) to be exclusionists. Fucking hell

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4 months ago
A flag made up of six wavy stripes. The outermost stripes are a vibrant purple, and the stripes grow lighter as they move inwards. Covering the flag are child-like doodles of a bed, a table, Saturn, a book, a satellite, and small stars.

🪐Headspaceskyic🪐

[PT: 🪐Headspaceskyic🪐. End PT]

A gender connected to the sky in HEADSPACE from OMORI. It may also be connected to the color purple, stars, outer space, constellations, and dreams!

Image ID in alt text.


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4 months ago

kill it with fire. the eyes look too realistic and yet it has that blocky body. jack black should not be steve. #notmysteve

Why Do The Chickens Look Like That

why do the chickens look like that

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.

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worldwidenoises - a parallel of you ‎♫‎
a parallel of you ‎♫‎

shi/hir, 17. autistic and mentally/neurologically disordered traumaendo system. previously known as riotmarrow. do not send dono asks. do not post us to fakedisordercringe or systemscringe. zios, radqueers, and darkshippers do not interact, we don't like you.

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