Oooh, Fuck, This Is Giving Me Ideas

i am about to create an au SO self indulgent. the target audience is 1 person and that person is me

Consider: Apollo kids who can stop injuries from healing. Blood won’t clot, skin /bones won’t mend, even nectar only works for a brief moment. Fighting them’s pretty tough if they can make you bleed out from a papercut.

Consider: Apollo kids being able to unheal people. Like, they can touch someone and just, reverse the healing of wounds, like causing scars to revert back to fresh open wounds, or making someone’s bone unmend until it’s broken again

Grandpa’s Gonna Sue the Pants Off of Santa

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

How could you do this, that was nearly banished from my brain

does anyone else remember being terrorized every single commercial break by the madagascar 3 trailer on every single cartoon channel in 2011-2012

It was an accident :(((

One crucial thing to know about me is that about 70% of my headcanons are either chosen or conceived solely on the basis of “Wait that’s fucking hilarious, that’s canon to me now.”

Dammit

Sooo, I can’t stop thinking about this, and I had another idea:

Penelope and Anna:

This one can only be completed once Odysseus’s bow has been obtained. The twelve axes are scattered across the map (don’t rely too much on memory, the winions can move them), and you must find each one and shoot through it. However, don’t dawdle; the whole time, you will be relentlessly pursued by the spirits of most of the suitors. Once you’ve shot through all twelve axes, the suitors’ ghosts will fade, and you’ll be able to enter Penelope’s room, where she will give you a thread from the shroud she spent twenty years weaving.

However, DON’T attempt to enter Penelope’s room until you’ve completed this task. If you do…

Telemachus and MICO:

Like some of the others, Telemachus can be reasoned with if you show no sign of hostility, and has a 50/50 chance of dropping a hint that may help you survive an attack from Athena or Odysseus. However, if you attempt to enter Penelope’s room without having previously completed her challenge, he will appear, unrelentingly hostile, and thanks to Athena’s help, he’s not an easy opponent to fight. The fastest of all the mortal characters, he can unleash a flurry of blows that are very difficult to dodge, and hiding’s not very useful either, with Athena’s Quick Thought being able to help him spot you if she is within a certain distance. Good luck getting ahold of a copy of his double-headed spear.

One more idea:

Antinous and Ayron:

I didn’t have as much of a concrete idea, but I thought it would be kinda funny if there was a thing that if you run into Odysseus or Telemachus while being pursued by him, they will drop everything to attack him instead, giving you an opportunity to secure the arrow that killed him.

I'm currently sleeping deprived and bored, take this thing my goofy ahh brain came up with earlier

EPIC: The Horror Game Saga!

(What if the Epic the musical characters hunted down their respective voice actors?)

Congratulations! You've all just finished voicing for the hit Greek Mythology musical, EPIC! That's a wrap everyone! But wait… why are we suddenly in a palace? The objective is simple. Collect certain items seen throughout the story of EPIC, and you'll get to go home! Just watch out for the characters you and your cast voiced. Let's just say some of them aren't too happy about what they've gone through, and it looks like you're their next target.

Most characters will directly attack only their designated voice actor. But that doesn't entirely mean they won't attack someone else, either. It all depends on who you encounter.

Odysseus and Jorge:

Keep your head down. Whatever you do, keep your head down. Duck behind and underthings, stay silent, and please: AVOID THE TORCHES. It's likely he will aim if you're near a light source. Remember: Odysseus knows every inch of his palace, and he's not one to forget his own creation easily. Stay out of his way as much as possible, and have fun trying to collect a copy of his infamous bow.

Athena and Teagan:

Athena will appear harmless, but it's all an act. She's testing your awareness. DON'T. LOOK. AWAY. That's exactly what she wants you to do. She moves when you aren't looking, and she's fast. You must keep your eyes on her nearly at all times. Remember, she has a blind spot now, and you might be able to use her partial blindness against her. You'll have to use your wits and awareness to get her helmet.

Zeus and Luke:

He'll be watching from the skies, watching everything that's happening. He's one of the few that waits outside. Avoid standing out in open areas. (No item to collect yet.)

Poseidon and Steven R:

He's lurking in the water. Whatever you do DON'T GO NEAR THE WATER. Don't touch it, don't look at it, don't even breathe near it. He's in every form of water, and as long as you're away from that, you'll be okay. If you get caught, you get a 50/50 chance of surviving. The only way you'll live, however, is to become ruthless. You may end up having to sacrifice one, if not multiple of your teammates to retrieve a copy of his Trident.

Hermes and TROY:

Surely Hermes just wants to help… right? Well, it's 50/50 if he'll help you are not. After all, he's here to cause all kinds of drama. Occasionally, you may receive useful items, something to help calm the other characters. Other times, he'll give you something completely useless, or even potentially deadly. It's a gamble whether to trust him or not, and that's what makes him all the more dangerous. If you entertain him enough, he might hand over a copy of his sandals.

(More to come when I think about it)

But then you realize you have an AO3 account and free will 👀

you read ONE fic about a minor character in canon and then you get obsessed and realize that author is one of the few people writing fics for that character... absolute HELL