Y’ever Read Something And Have Understanding That Has Eluded You Interminably Suddenly Stop, Curl Up,

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I Should Be Able to Mute America

Gawker

I Should Be Able to Mute America

The rest of the world should not have to know the name Bari Weiss

wake up cunts new nobel prize for journalism just dropped

In the spirit of encouraging people to comment on fanfics while also making it easier to do so, I feel obliged to share a browser extension for ao3 that has quite literally revolutionized the comment game for me.

I present to you: the floating ao3 comment box!

From what I've seen, a big problem for many people is that once you reach the comments at the bottom of a fic, your memory of it miraculously disappears. Anything you wanted to say is stuck ten paragraphs ago, and you barely remember what you thought while reading. This fixes that!

I'll give a little explanation on the features and how it works, but if you want to skip all that, here's the link.

The extension is visible as a small blue box in the upper left corner.

(Side note: The green colouring is not from the extension, that's me.)

If you click on it, you open a comment box window at the bottom of your screen but not at the bottom of the fic. I opened my own fic for demonstrative purposes.

The website also gives explanations on how exactly it functions, but I'll summarize regardless.

insert selection -> if you highlight a sentence in the fic it will be added in italics to the comment box

add to comment box -> once you're done writing your comment, you click this button and the entire thing will automatically copied to the ao3 comment box

delete -> self explanatory

on mulitchapter fics, you will be given the option to either add the comment to just the current chapter or the entire fic

The best part? You can simply close the window the same way you opened it and your progress will automatically be saved. So you can open it, comment on a paragraph, and then close it and keep reading without having the box in your face.

Comments are what keep writers going, and as both a writer and a reader, I think it's such an easy way of showing support and enthusiasm.

I just had the most awful connection

thinking about werewolves and the concept of becoming a monster and discovering that something savage and uncontrollable exists within you and the potential that has to be a liberating narrative about growth and change and courage rather than a story about controlling and concealing it

look

- what the fuck

boss battle

phase 2

just to let u know, the "how would yo u feel if u were an author and ppl were shipping ur characters in a gross way" was made by a proshipper (ppl who ship/support shipping pedophillic/incest/genrally gross ships) so yea u shld probably delete that rb seeing as u yourself said in your tags u didnt want ppl shipping minors w adults

ew gross like why can’t we have nice things without it coming from creeps on this website OTL 

The Ultimate Creative Writing Resource List

After writing for quite nearly my entire literate life ~and~ getting a creative writing degree, I've put together a comprehensive list of the sites and blogs that I've found most useful! Check it out, we've got—

An Insanely Detailed Character Creation Sheet: use this page to learn everything you've ever wanted to know about your character and more. It never fails to make me consider something about them I wouldn't have thought of otherwise.

A Character Avatar Creator: if you know what your character looks like and want a visual of them for notes/cork boards/Google Docs, this site will let you personalize them almost as much as a Sims game.

Pinterest: if you don't know what your character looks like and need inspiration, search for pictures of people who inspire you. Definitely have done this more often than not because I can never seem to pin down (pun intended) my character's exact appearance. Really helps with things you might forget while writing, like the shape of their eyebrows, how their hair lays or even how they stand.

A Map Creation Website: it's meant for fantasy worlds but I've used it for my historical fiction novels! Super customizable even without paying for it. It also saves your work in the free version, which has saved me when I forgot to upload copies to where I keep all my story stuff.

Grammar Girl: have any questions about where to put that semicolon or when to use italics? Grammar Girl is literally used by English teachers because it's that accurate. Check your work or put as many commas in that manuscript as your heart tells you to anyway. I've done both!

Grammarly: this is another way to check your grammar, especially if you use the Chrome extension. It automatically checks your basic grammar, spelling, and readability while you type in Google Docs or another browser-based text document. Note that it isn't foolproof and sometimes will suggest things that don't make sense. Use your best judgement when it highlights things!

Word Hippo: do you feel like you've used one word too often in your story? I use Word Hippo daily for both my creative and professional writing to avoid repetition. When I can't think of a synonym or antonym on my own, it has a billion suggestions for adjectives, verbs, nouns, etc. It can even help you find words that rhyme! Make your character a poet. Nothing can stop you.

Text-to-Speech Reader: it's always easier to catch minor line errors when you read something out loud, but if you don't feel like doing that, this site will read your story for you. There are multiple voices to choose from, so have fun listening to your hard-won stories while you edit.

Background Noise—Coffee Shop: I always lose myself in stories when I have this video playing in the background. It's like I'm in a coffee shop or cozy restaurant booth, but without spending money.

Background Noise—Tavern Fireplace: same vibes as a coffee shop, but with fireplace crackling.

Background Noise—Rain Shower: listen to rain patter against your window with some thunder in the background.

Background Noise—Cozy Fireplace and Rain Shower: combine your favorite sounds in this extra long video of a wood-burning fireplace and a distance rain shower. Perfect for anyone who doesn't want to hear extra loud thunder.

Background Noise—Forest Sounds: is your story taking place outdoors? These sounds will make you feel like you're in the woods with your characters.

Background Noise—Blizzard Sounds: constant blizzard winds may easily make you feel removed from the world so you can focus on your work.

Background Noise—Interior Plane Cabin White Noise: the pleasant hum of a plane cabin is what I often write to. There are no loud take-off, landing, or passenger sounds either.

Background Noise—Christmas Music From Another Room: I found this video when quarantining for Christmas with my husband in 2020. It ended up being one of my favorite writing background videos of that year. It features lyric-less songs on vinyl, plus muffled talking, which was a definite perk for the year+ we spent inside.

Background Noise—Lo-Fi: when I'm not sure what I want to write to, I use this playlist. It has the perfect low-key beats for writing less-intense scenes or working on plot, characters, mapping, etc.

Tumblrs With Fantastic Writing Tips: I have a few favorite tumblrs I loooooove and have followed on various blogs for many years. They regularly answer submitted questions and have organized tags, so if you're wondering about something, you'll likely find an answer by searching their blogs! Check out @fixyourwritinghabits @heywriters @wordsnstuff for expert-level help, guidance, and inspiration.

Tumblrs With Writing Prompts: while there are many prompt websites and blogs, my favorite prompt tumblrs are @daily-prompts and @creativepromptsforwriting for their variety and creativity!

Other resources...

Goodreads: consistently reading is part of exercising that creative muscle in your brain. Goodreads will help you keep track of everything you've read, are reading, and want to read. Find your next inspiration and the latest updates on what's coming out soon from your favorite authors.

Poets & Writers Contests: this site is always posting the latest creative writing contests for all genres. It also has free submissions, so don't worry if you can't afford entry fees for now.

The Writer: you'll also find great contests (both free and paid) at The Writer. Explore their site to discover other great resources too, like writing getaways and publishing tips.

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Enjoy and I hope this helps! Feel free to reblog and add other resources that you use for your writing. I'd love to find more!