We Swear It’s The Cold - (Pages 1-9) Part 1

there's multiple reasons why i love Demisexual!Ford with stancest but i think the biggest reasons is because it would be so fucking funny.

Imagine the only person you've ever been sexually attracted to in your entire life was your twin brother. You're cooked, sir.

my fic recs!

angst + hurt/comfort

this is a MUST for any gf reader: hide and seek by parsnipit: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26956045

any works by @avidhousehusband , but particularly :

the whole truth: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51089620

adrift: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58507594

farmer’s friend: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60478171

a night of color and static by @jellyskink:(unfinished, feral ford) https://archiveofourown.org/works/59960611

old habits die hard by @thenoellebird / elliebluejay: (in progress, check tws) https://archiveofourown.org/works/62245828

everything by @ilentari , but i especially enjoy their dark ford works:

this is a gift, it comes with a price: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61528726

chain, keep us together: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159726

@dark-lord-of-awesomeness cat stan au: (all works, but i’m linking the main one) https://archiveofourown.org/works/60926800

most anything by poggofroggo, but particularly:

watching all the ground beneath you drop: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60860902

bring me home (80s mystery trio au):https://archiveofourown.org/works/60262078

he’s going away tonight (and i can’t do anything) by jackyrubou (check tws): https://archiveofourown.org/works/62843519

fluff/family bonding:

(may contain slight angst, but largely wholesome)

a good ol’ dose of shame by @cosmiccrossing : https://archiveofourown.org/works/20277196

ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING from untrustworthyglitch @hydrangeathief but particularly:

i roll to punch you in the mouth: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37241182

from the “swear jar” series:

who even knows what holiday we’re celebrating here :https://archiveofourown.org/works/35580850

old man world tour: california edition: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35755423

(but seriously, read every work in this series they’re all fantastic)

cuteness aggression (in previously mentioned cat stan au) by @ilentari : https://archiveofourown.org/works/62459296

just know you’re not alone by coffee_scribbles: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60072073

flu season by @colubrine (read their angst too!!) : https://archiveofourown.org/works/59717653

can’t sleep (and it’s not because i’m touch-starved) by rubyflakes: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32120815

the sand with time… by @mythomagically-delicious : https://archiveofourown.org/works/11746458

brains, beauty, brawn by @eosrealis :https://archiveofourown.org/works/6187258

i’m right here by @iirvine : https://archiveofourown.org/works/41466255

there are SO many more for both categories but i’ll cap it there for now!! please let me know if i’ve missed tagging any of the authors who have a tumblr :p

normal twin behavior

I think the most interesting and under-explored part of gf canon is the formation of the blind eye and I'm tired of pretending it isn't: a long post

Because hear me out here, if we really take a look at the timing of the only concrete source we have (mcgucket's video diaries), it doesn't... line up at all?

The clear implication here is that he started making the diaries after the first portal incident on January 18th 1983, so this would be our "day one"

"For the past year I have been working as an assistant for a visiting researcher... But something went wrong. I decided to quit the project, but I lie awake each night, haunted by the thoughts of what I've done... Test subject one: Fiddleford."

But this makes no sense. We know from J3 that the memory gun was actually invented after a series of traumatic events with Ford, months before he left the project. Further, the timeline the video diaries set up of the blind eye show that he began to deteriorate and founded the blind eye on day 22, which would be February 9th, but in J3 the blind eye is already a full blown cult by then.

In addition, where is he in this video? we know from TBOB that he isn't on good terms with his wife after Christmas of 1982 and he likely didn't leave GF after the portal incident, but he was living with Ford up until this so where is this room? If he had somewhere else to stay, why only stay there now?

Now, realistically the answer here is that the lore was changed and slightly retconned between the writing of this episode and the publishing of the book (which alex discusses in some of the commentary for this episode when discussing fidd's character), but I think a more interesting theory to solve this contradiction can be found in the source material.

If we play this all completely straight, there are two options here, both involving Fiddleford lying in his diaries. this isn't entirely new to the series, unreliable narration is a big theme, especially in Journal 3 and TBOB. the only real explanations are that:

A) Fiddleford was lying about this being the first time he used the gun, meaning this video diary takes place after the portal incident.

B) Fiddleford was lying about leaving the project, and was filming these diaries while still working with Ford.

Now, either of them is plausible, but ultimately Fiddleford is a scientist. He has dedicated his life to engineering, and it seems to be his lifelong passion considering it's one of the only character traits that he continues to practice after losing his mind. Would a man who is this talented, this dedicated, really lie about testing results in a video diary he chose to make?

If he had used the gun before, any kind of result he is trying to observe would be ruined. It would be a pointless venture, since we know for a fact that by the time he leaves the project he has used the gun on himself, Ford and other civillians multiple times. It's a complete failure of the scientific method, and I don't think it makes sense for the character we know, the man who quadruple checks his own calculations just to be sure they're right.

However, the other explanation feels like something he might do. We know he invents the gun after the Gremloblin incident likely sometime in August, and seems to use it immediately as evidenced by J3, on both himself and Ford. We know from the audio commentary that for Fidd, the memory gun is very much an addiction, it's something that he uses to curb his anxiety and appear like a better partner, to try and keep himself together until the project is over. But ultimately, he's known something is wrong with the project for a long time, and Ford mentions his tendency towards self destructive anxiety when Fidd rips out his own hair after Ford reveals the tip of the weirdness iceberg to him.

All this to say, I think it's far more realistic for Fiddleford to lie about leaving the project rather than his results. He knows that something is wrong, that he should leave and be with his family, and on the other side of that we know that Bill is using this anxiety to whisper into Ford's ear that Fidd is unreliable and will leave. He's been through a severely traumatic event with the Gremloblin, trapped for days in his worst nightmares, to the point where he is prepared to cause himself potential brain damage to un-see it.

But despite all of it, he doesn't leave. He is determined to stay, maybe out of loyalty, maybe out of fear for Ford's safety, maybe he needs the money from the project for his family. He has a wife and son who need him and we know that he feels guilt for his treatment towards them, he even cites them as his sole reason for backing out of using the gun immediately before he does it anyway, and uses it on Ford to cover his mistakes up. Fiddleford is a man who is wracked by anxiety and shame and is such a bad way by this point that he is absolutely willing to self-destruct and lie to just get through this project.

I think he absolutely would start documenting his use of the memory gun, even if that meant lying that he had followed his instincts and left the project when he should have done. After all, he says himself that he wants to use this gun on a wider scale as a therapy tool, assuming the gun doesn't turn his brain to mush, surely the tapes of his initial testing will need to be peer-reviewed? He's presenting the reality he wishes was true, the one where he is brave and stands on his principles and doesn't fall into step beside Ford on his path to destruction.

So, where does this leave the timeline?

Finding exact dates is difficult, mostly because the only concrete numbers in J3 are few and far between, but we do have the dates of the tapes to go off as follows. This isn't concrete but it's a fun way to recontextualise the events of J3:

Day 1:

First usage of the gun, followed by it being used on Ford

Sometime after the Gremloblin incident, Fidd's arm is either healed or on the mend from the incident as his cast is gone, so likely towards the end of August.

Note on the cast: It could also be gone as a result of him removing it too early, he doesn't seem to take a lot of time to recover from the incident before he gets back to work in fear of disappointing Ford.

The room he is in is likely his bedroom in the Shack, or whatever location he initially uses to form the blind eye, maybe a room in the museum? The "probability of failure" graph in the back is the same one that he shows Ford the night before the Portal test, albeit a bigger version, meaning he has likely been tracking the output results for a while.

Day 5:

Still exhibiting postive results, no deterioration yet.

Day 22:

First signs of mental deterioration

First mention of the blind eye, Fidd draws the symbol onto a notebook but it is already scribbled in the background over a diagram of the portal. The blind eye symbol is first mentioned in J3, when Fidd hands it to the carny who becomes the eventual leader of the cult, so this diary likely takes place after he has begun using it on other people.

Official formation of the blind eye as a group to help people forget traumatic memories.

His room in the shack is in a state of disarray, his plants are dead and there are handprints in oil or ink on the walls. Notably, he seems to be connecting the idea of a single eye and the portal despite not being aware of Bill at this point, which I'll touch upon later.

The carnival is likely in September according to the timeline by @fordtato

Day 74:

Slight physical deterioration, more physical anxiety

It seems that Fidd has been regularly using the memory gun at this point, to erase even minorly distressing images from his head, and his anxiety has taken a nosedive. Likely explanation is that this diary is after the bunker, where he had another severely traumatic experience (kidnapped by a shapeshifter and reduced to mute from anxiety) and seemed to become obsessed with doomsday planning. During the bunker arc he also used the gun on multiple workmen and Ford once again.

Likely takes place in October/November

His room is a complete mess by now, with the walls covered in papers and "Help Me" scrawled on the walls.

At this point in J3, Ford has made his deal with Bill and is allowing him to possess his body whenever he pleases. Bill has also sucessfully driven a divide between the other two by making Ford doubt that Fidd will be able to make it to the end of the project, and Ford describes his frustration with him.

According to Ford, Fidd is just as agitated and nervous before the portal test as he was during the Gremloblin attack, and obsessively checks and rechecks his calculations, causing Ford to worry for his resolve.

In between this diary and the next are the stolen pages from J3 that are in TBOB, which give us slight insight into Fiddleford during this time but not much. We see that he tries multiple times to reach out to him the only way that Fidd knows how, through invention and creation, with the snowglobe and the six-fingered gloves. Ford, however, treats them carelessly as a result of his increased attention to his muse. At the same time, he tries to visit home but is kicked out by Emma-May after he forgets to get her a Christmas gift. This is played as an example of his connection with Ford, him remembering two gifts for the man and none for his wife, but if he really is suffering from his use of the gun at this time, the forgetfulness makes even more sense and his argument with his family means he doesn't have a support system outside of Ford who is paying all of his attention to the project. After this, Fiddleford is more reclusive than ever as he spends early January compiling a thesis for Ford to publish

Day 189

Physical deterioration is in full effect and he can't hide the result of his addiction any more, even just to keep up appearances.

His arm is broken, likely due to the car accident he mentions accidentally causing, but its the same arm he broke during the Gremloblin attack and could be a result of him taking his cast off too early for it to have healed right in the first place which could explain why he wears it for so long.

Significant mental decline as he has started exhibiting signs of brain damage or swelling (decreased vocabulary, forgetfulness, loss of motor functions) however, he is seemingly lucid enough to question if the memory gun is causing negative side effects.

There are actually bottles visible in the back of the room, possbly referencing the addiction metaphor being used here

This would take place after the portal test, likely late January. Ford is at the height of his paranoia, Fiddleford has left the shack and taken every trace of his research with him except his college picture with Ford, and the blind eye is a fully established and seemingly self-governing cult.

Day 273

At this point, Fidd has relocated to a motel and is seemingly completely mentally gone, ripping out his hair and developing his hunched posture. This likely takes place after the blind eye takes his memories, or he continues erasing them himself. It's possible that the blind eye continues visiting him and taking his memories even after he is ejected as a member, or at least until they forget who he is after using the gun on themselves too many times.

It appears to be snowing outside? Which doesn't line up with either the canon timeline or this timeline, so potentially the days on the video diaries could be incorrect assuming he isn't filming them every day, or has lost so much of his mind by this point that he isn't labelling them right and has lost track of time

The final two entries are a similar story, serving only to show us the end of his decline and him eventually becoming fully homeless, retreating to the junkyard he lives in for the next 28 years (jesus, he really deserved that mansion).

Ultimately though, this timeline asks a lot of interesting character questions.

Why did Ford not realise how bad Fiddleford's decline was becoming? Maybe a mix of circumstances, he was falling deeper into his worship of Bill at the time, to the extent that he was regularly being possessed and judging by the lack of journal entries at the time, very pre-occupied. We also know that Fidd used the gun on him at least twice in canon, and possibly used it more than we know in order to convince Ford he was okay.

If Fiddleford was erasing parts of Ford's memory, did Bill know? Personally, I feel that Bill was aware but knew that ultimately it would serve him. Fiddleford, without ever encountering Bill at this point, created the blind eye symbol which is eerily close to Bill's symbolism, how would he know that when we know Ford is possessive of his muse and doesn't share anything with Fidd about it? How does Ford have visions of Fidd in a red cloak without ever knowing that the cult and Fidd are directly connected? My thoughts are that Bill, who we know has erased Ford's memory himself before when he stole the journal pages we see in TBOB, was using most of this as fodder to drive a divide between the two, mentally creating associations in both of their minds so they stop trusting the other. Chess but with troubled gay men.

All in all I think Fiddleford's decline is such an interesting way to approach a theme of addiction, particularly a high-functioning addiction. If this really is how things played out, we know that throughout his use of the gun and even 30 years later when he is considered a write-off, the one thing he maintains is his engineering prowess and his smarts. It makes sense that even when actively using the gun and hiding it from Ford he would be able to keep up in terms of building the portal, especially when we know he secretly hired workers. It's also a great example of someone drawing others into their addiction, even if it was unintentional and he didn't believe they would be hurt in the long run.

I feel like sometimes there's a lil bit of a push to see Fidd as a naive or morally good character even through his mistakes and to demonise Ford in response, but ultimately both of them are very morally grey and have their own vices that they develop and grow from.

i only have the energy to color somthing once a month it seems 😭😭

I think it's the asexual in me that is allergic to "aesthetic" ships. Some people will ship stuff because the characters look good next to each other or they're both hot and that grosses me out, which is weird because, yah know... I ship Stancest, lol. Compared to 1nc3st, being attracted to a ship because the characters are hot seems kind of strange. I think the difference is that Stancest to me isn't shipped at all BECAUSE they're hot. I find them hot because it's THEM. They're two grouchy old men that have been through so, SO much, apart and together, and have decided to allow themselves to love one another in their old age. They're hot because they're the two most emotionally compelling characters in the show, with depths that keep going the more you analyze and learn about them. They're hot because they're heartbreaking and their story is beautiful. If I want to take these incredibly compelling wonderful characters and draw them wearing tight ass shorts or making out sloppy style then idk man it just hits different.

i had been thinking

1st of all, bunny-earing someone in a photo is a fun, cutesy thing to do to a friend, a completely normal joke thing in today times.

2ND OF ALL, i also think its on purpose and might have a double meaning. it seems to me like Wendy's the only one with a 'cheeky' somewhat knowing look on her face, Soos is holding up a peace sign but when you bunny-ear someone it usually has a secondary meaning.

most likely secondary meaning:

MAN WHOSE WIFE WAS UNFAITHFUL?

Oh, so like how Ford didn't notice that his project had been messed with, he blames Stan, they 'break up', ford and bill meet, THEY have a falling out, then Stan rescued him essentially by unintentionally forcing him out of their dimension to find a way to protect his brain for his own good because Ford finally asked him for help. then Stan rescued him AGAIN after 30 years because that's enough time alone, then Stan kicks bills ass.

he's so desperate for stan 😮‍💨 give this man his boyfriend!! (broyfriend:))

So.

I had to

- I don't think Stan would actually put something this heavy on the kids. When during A tale of two Stan's when he's sleeping in his car he just goes, "Awe yeah, i was doin GREAT"

But I still had to

There's been too much talk about soulmates lately. I decided to contribute