Autistic Traits I Struggle To Describe To Non-Autistic People

Uh-oh, coming down with a case of “what-if-a-bunch-of-other-people-experience-these-symptoms-as-bad-as-I-do-but-they-suck-it-up-and-work-anyway-and-I’m-just-being-a-little-bitch”-itis

“Must have reliable transportation” = “this is how we legally discriminate against poor people who take the bus”

I'd rather hangout with the straight boyfriend than the queer cop who insists they're one of the "good ones" while harassing people of color

I'd rather hangout with the straight palestinian grandma than the queer zionist who keeps insisting that the death of palestinians is the one way ticket to queer liberation

I'd rather hangout with the leather dyke who is a mspec gaybian and uses paw/pawself pronouns than the puritan who makes "callout posts" clearly targeting disabled queer artists

Ive seen posts about how disabled people should be able to have hobbies and how we should be able to do things that we like if we enjoy it and if it doesnt hurt us, and yeah I totally agree, but like unpopular opinion ig, let disabled people do things they enjoy even if it hurts them.

I, as a chronically ill person, have things I enjoy doing that arent that good for my pain levels. For example, I enjoy going on walks, just for like an hour or so around my town and in the forest. I will most likely have a flare up the day after/for a couple days after and my legs will be aching most of the way through walking but I love it, not the pain but the walking and seeing places (specifically the woods, i love the woods so much omdddd). Another example is video games, which may sound like an odd thing to flare from for some, but with fast paced video games on console or pc, my fingers get very stiff and achey from moving around so much so quickly, and it tires me to have to even use my eyes sometimes but I really like playing them.

Obviously there are way more examples that I've missed but the point still gets across. Let disabled people have hobbies, even ones that may mess up their pain levels, or make them extremely fatigued etc.

(xavier ramble that i posted on discord and now u get to read here <3)

so. my main faves are xavier (main), rafayel, and caleb. and i was thinking... what's pulling me to xavier over the other two? (especially caleb LMAO) i feel like i'd commonly go with the outspoken clingy dramatic boys (raf) or the 'childhood best friend' archetype (caleb) but something about xavier captivated me.

when i first started looking to him, i felt like there was waaay more than meets the eye for his character, and that's intentional, since he wants to live a quiet life, but has so much history behind him.

aside from differences in personalities and preferences (i love raf but irl im not a sea or seafood person, and i love caleb but.. but nothing. xavier just pulls me in more LMAO), xavier to me truly has that sneak attack for your heart.

he's awkward, and silly, and insanely powerful on the battlefield. he loves reading comics, playing video games, and being delusional about his cooking skills. he's a rock that you can always depend upon in a quiet life. he's cheeky and gets easily jealous, but would much rather pout and be sulky than direct that to you. its adorable. as xavier and caleb are jokingly deemed the 'possessive' duo, caleb's possessiveness to me could go left (affectionate, i know why), whereas i feel as though xavier's stems from just wanting to capitalize on your attention. he has someone in his life that he cares deeply about, its only natural for him to be a little clingy about it.

on top of the fact that he's just a good friend in of itself, keeping an eye on you and making sure you take care of yourself without crossing a boundary. he loves being around you so much so that he admires the person you are, and wants to be that type of person himself. he relishes in being recognized by you in a world where he's only ever known as an entity to be utilized, rather than a person who has feelings and passions.

'this is the first time someone's asked me to play support' he says, which sounds normal at face value, but its definitely something to be unpacked: he's not used to being the person that supports, he's used to being the leader, the strong hunter that needs no one to finish the job, the crown prince that's above all else, the leader of the backtrackers, the elusive lumiere… now he just gets to be xavier that supports his friends. he thinks of himself as a nobody, someone who used to be 'everything', not out of personhood, but out of necessity. being able to be seen by someone he loves despite everything is by far the greatest joy in life he could ever have. and i love him SOOOO MUCH FOR IT!! im sure all of the lads love mc and they make their life better by being in it, but for me, there's something so comforting and lovely about xavier growing into a person he wants to be because someone he loves makes him want to figure out who he is for himself. because the person that loves him will love him at his core regardless of who he decides to be. thats why he gets jealous because mc looks to lumiere, and im sure she's picked up on that too. he loathes the idea that she loves someone that isnt him. obviously, lumiere IS him, but it's not 'him' in the sense that it's a persona, an idea, a hero. xavier… simply thinks of himself as a man who quietly lives in his apartment and goes to work like everyone else. he doesnt have a tether to anything other than just wanting to live life the way he wants to, after living so many lives that were not given by choice. at least… not until mc.

but as an addendum to this rambling, he's just!!! great and i love his personal journey and how it intertwines with mc at the core of it. im happy he gets to be in a world where he can live a quiet life!! and his joy is by far something that leads me to him over the other lads.

-- (i love him in his entirety and i think i havent found that spark with the other lads yet. caleb is a close second though, his relationship with mc is so silly and they have such a sweet bond that im sure he cherishes. his devotion, affection, and love languages are to die for.

but i think xavier's way of being there for you and picking up the cracks when you cant or before you even realize appeals to me more. thinking about precious bonfire clips i saw and how he took every opportunity to stay by and support mc and how he looked after her, made sure she was having fun, and allowed her to use him as a scapegoat so that she didn't get burnt out or the call where he saw she was alone at a team building thing at the bar and offered to leave with her since she wasnt really keen on hanging out to begin with he's just. so sweet. hes always thinking about the small things and wants his favorite person to be happy because it makes him happy :> this doesnt even go into the smaller nuances or traits that i love about him. maybe i'll do a post about it or just how personality wise i feel like if i were to bond with anyone irl xavier would be #1 in a landslide.)

Oh, hey, hey there! Hello! Sorry to bother you. Yeah I'll be out of your DMs in just a second. Yeah it's just I was passing by and realized the way you're expressing your gender or sexuality really doesn't cohere with the way that my extremely insular groupthink faction of the internet thinks gender and sexuality should be expressed. What you're doing is really problematic actually, given how much it really doesn't gel with how my group thinks gender and sexuality need to work. I just wanted to give you a friendly heads up and give you the chance to change before I do anything like call you out publically.

Oh what's that? If you change what you're doing to satisfy me, then a completely different extremely insular groupthink circle of the internet will be mad at you instead? Yeah that's completely true. Luckily this is easy! My groupthink's group-think is the correct and progressive one. Their groupthink's group-think is really problematic and narrow-minded. I hope this helps?

Oh you're still doing what you're doing. :/ Okay man it's just that there's kids in my group, you know? Teens. They're literally kids, and you're making them super uncomfortable because we told them to be uncomfortable. Won't you think of the kids? This argument has never once backfired on a member of the queer community.

Oh. Okay. Well, I mean I was being really polite and respectful and you've just been rude so. Tell you what. If in 5 years from now the narrative has shifted such that the common queer community now supports what you're doing, I'm gonna act like I actually always supported this and have always been on your side. That's a good compromise right? Cool.

Anyway, I think that's totally fair of me. I'm gonna go warn everyone I know about how you're an unsafe person to interact with. This is for protection of the queer community. I'm a very good person.

my fellow Americans you have to let yourself feel hopeful about the future under a Harris/Welz administration. Yes, even when you have criticisms of them. Yes, even when some of their decisions disgust you. You have to stop waiting for a messiah to come in and fix everything and be a perfect flawless savior. because that is obviously never going to happen. There is a very real chance to greatly improve public schools and healthcare and disability services and environmental policies and anti discrimination laws. You are allowed to want this. You have to want this, or else you resign yourself to hopelessness.

I’m watching that documentary “Before Stonewall” about gay history pre-1969, and uncovered something which I think is interesting.

The documentary includes a brief clip of a 1954 televised newscast about the rise of homosexuality. The host of the program interviewed psychologists, a police officer, and one “known homosexual”. The “known homosexual” is 22 years old. He identifies himself as Curtis White, which is a pseudonym; his name is actually Dale Olson.

So I tracked down the newscast. According to what I can find, Dale Olson may have been the first gay man to appear openly on television and defend his sexual orientation. He explains that there’s nothing wrong with him mentally and he’s never been arrested. When asked whether he’d take a cure if it existed, he says no. When asked whether his family knows he’s gay, he says that they didn’t up until tonight, but he guesses they’re going to find out, and he’ll probably be fired from his job as well. So of course the host is like …why are you doing this interview then? and Dale Olson, cool as cucumber pie, says “I think that this way I can be a little useful to someone besides myself.”

1954. 22 years old. Balls of pure titanium.

Despite the pseudonym, Dale’s boss did indeed recognize him from the TV program, and he was promptly fired the next day. He wrote into ONE magazine six months later to reassure readers that he had gotten a new job at a higher salary.

Curious about what became of him, I looked into his life a little further. It turns out that he ultimately became a very successful publicity agent. He promoted the Rocky movies and Superman. Not only that, but get this: Dale represented Rock Hudson, and he was the person who convinced him to disclose that he had AIDS! He wrote the statement Rock read. And as we know, Rock Hudson’s disclosure had a very significant effect on the national conversation about AIDS in the U.S.

It appears that no one has made the connection between Dale Olson the publicity agent instrumental in the AIDS debate and Dale Olson the 22-year-old first openly gay man on TV. So I thought I’d make it. For Pride month, an unsung gay hero.

missed you

pairing : shen xinghui/xavier x mc/reader. i’ll be using female anatomy, my apologies 😔

warnings : 18+ fic, minors do not interact. please. use of “starlight” and “love” as pet names. pussy eating, p in v sex. rough OOC xavier (fr xavier would never act mean like this). praise.

background : he’s a needy boyfriend after a mission.

word count : 1.87k words

AN : first full on smut i’ve ever published somewhere. probably have WIPs on like my old/new wattpad but i lwk don’t wanna remember them 💔 very probable this will not be my best work but i’ll try to keep xavier in character. if anyone reads this, ty for giving this a chance 🙏

it’s been busy in linkon city these last few weeks. many wanderer attacks have taken place and the unicorns team has been dispatched often to keep the hordes of wanderers under control. while you have been teamed up with tara exceptionally, your usual partner has been sent on another solo mission.

obviously, his strength as “lumière” is a much needed contribution to keeping the wanderer attacks under control. without lumière, linkon would’ve been in ruins by now. and that, years ago. it’s not surprising captain jenna has sent him by himself to take care of some no-hunt zones.

you, however, missed the person behind the lumière persona. your dear boyfriend and partner, xavier, was continuously away from home. he casually dropped by his own apartment some days to take power naps and return to work shortly after, but never stopped by your apartment. you actually put more pressure on yourself to clear the wanderers so you can have him home faster.

after the whole team got rid of the spawning wanderers, you finally had two days off. captain jenna let you rest for these two days and had someone cover your work for the time being. you gratefully accepted this offer and hoped to finally get time and recharge with your dear boyfriend. the moment he was finally off duty, he teleported to your apartment and fell in your arms.

“you didn’t even bother taking the stairs? i’m just a floor under you,” you say softly, running your fingers through his hair and untangling it. you can feel him nodding against your neck.

“i wanted to see you. i missed you,” he admits. you chuckle at his vulnerability. it was very adorable, and you were reassured to know your feelings weren’t one sided. “i missed you too, xavier.”

he nuzzles his head in your neck and, as you both start to relax, you feel his hand sliding under your shirt and kneading the skin of your waist. a little gasp leaves your mouth as you stare at him, surprised. “what are you doing?”

he chuckles and his hands trail up higher, enjoying the feeling of your skin against his own. “isn’t it obvious? i missed you. i need to feel you. it’s been so long…” he trails off sleepily, his head buried in the crook of your neck. his hands stop right under to breasts, gently drawing circles on your skin. he starts kissing your neck, small pecks that eventually become more desperate, more passionate. you bite your bottom lip to keep small moans from leaving your mouth already.

“i thought you were tired. shouldn’t you sleep instead?” you tease him sarcastically, one hand going to the back of his neck and rubbing it. he doesn’t answer, too preoccupied to make you feel good. his lips trail up your neck, reaching your jaw as he lightly sucks on it. he kisses your cheek, the corner of your mouth, until his lips finally land on yours.

at first, he is gentle. your hands grab his cheeks, leaning into his touch as the kiss continues. but the moment you pull back to catch your breath, he immediately kisses you back, turning more passionate and almost aggressive. his tongue pries itself into your mouth, battling against yours. his hands slip under your bra and his fingers toy with your nipples, desperate to hear a single sound come out of your mouth. your mind is hazy, feeling yourself grow wetter at his touch. how pathetic, you were already so aroused and he practically didn’t touch you yet. after that kiss that seemed to last an eternity, you let out a small moan, and xavier stares at you with a smirk on his face.

“good girl,” he praises you, his hand stroking your messy, undone hair. “keep making these sounds for me, okay? you sound beautiful.”

he raises your shirt over your head and throws it to the other side of the room. his lips lock onto your erected nipples, sucking on them one at a time. seeing them all red and swollen for him was wonderful. he wanted to make you feel good. he needed you to come undone with his touch, and his alone.

“x-xavier, you-“ you cant finish your sentence as he dips a hand under your pants, stroking your wet, clothed sex. every time his fingers brush against your sensitive clit, you cant keep yourself from shuddering, a mess under his touch. “feel so good, need you inside me. please,” you beg. he looks at your sternly, his eyes darker and more serious than when he introduced himself into your apartment.

“you need me? you need my cock?” you nod desperately, body jerking as his fingers tug the band of your panties teasingly. “then beg for it, starlight.”

he releases the band of your underwear to remove your sweatpants first. when he sees your legs, he immediately gets on his knees and trails kisses up your calves, to your knees, to your thighs. he looks up at you, his eyes expectant. “cant beg? then i’ll have to take this matter into my own hands.”

his fingers tug the band of your panties and slides them off your thighs. he pries your legs apart and holds them still as his head dives into your fold. the moment his hot tongue is in contact with your wet pussy, you twitch, legs struggling to stay open.

“so wet for me already… hm, you really needed this, didn’t you?” he whispers as he leans back from your cunt, staring up at you. when he notices you can’t hold your gaze on him, he scoffs. “look at me, love. look at who is making you feel so good.”

his tongue circles around your clit and suckles on it, enjoying the feeling of your hips grinding it his face. he decides to delve into your folds, reaching places you can’t by yourself. and oh, did he love how good you taste. he could feed on your essence for hours and he would want more. his thumb circles as he eats you out, his groans muffled by your cunt. he started grinding his hips on the edge of the couch as he felt more and more aroused, his erection straining in his pants. you, too, kept grinding your hips on his face, riding it.

“m’gonna cum,” you whisper, your words cut off by your desperate moans. it doesn’t take long before you cum on his face, your juices coating it. he keeps eating you out through it, lapping up at your insides until your body finally relaxes. he could see your eyes closing and grabbed your jaw, squeezing it.

“didn’t you forget something?” he asks while tilting your jaw to look at him. your words come out in a jumbled, incoherent mess. you struggle to look at him, feeling already overstimulated after your orgasm. he only sighs and unbuckles his belt.

“i’m not done with you, starlight,” he whispers next to your ear, throwing his belt away once he sees unbuckled it. he opens the zipper of his pants and you see his straining erection his boxers. he grabs your jaw again and tilts it to face him. “my face is here, love.”

“p-please, xavier… i need you,” you finally manage to whisper, his eyes boring into yours. you see a slight, proud smile on his face and he releases his hold on your jaw, only stroking your cheek. “hmm, you’re actually in a better state than i thought you’d be.”

he chuckles, kissing your cheek as he slides down his pants and boxers to let his cock spring free. “maybe i’ll be gentle so you aren’t completely wasted tomorrow,” xavier says calmly, his hand on the hilt of his cock, precum already glistening on his tip. “or maybe i should just fuck you dumb? you usually like that,” he adds, his warm breath on your neck. you make small nods and he smiles, his cock teasing and circling around your entrance.

“p-please fill me up,” you whimper. he honours your wishes, but does it slowly. his cock keeps teasing your entrance while his fingers pinch your nipples. he keeps whispering praise in your ear before gently settling inside you. your walls instinctively clench around him as he first bottoms himself inside you, which incites a whimper from him.

“i missed this… oh, you’re perfect, love,” he whimpers with shaky breath, nipping at your neck as he starts thrusting in and out of your cunt. “m-more, please,” you ask, and you feel him smile against your neck. “such a good girl. i’ll give you more.”

xavier keeps sucking at your neck, his hands settled on your breasts and he starts rutting into you, his cock reaching places you weren’t able to reach on your own. his length was perfect inside of you, pulsing from inside you as his lips landed on yours, tongue battling against yours.

your hand reaches behind his head, passing your fingers through his hair while he keeps rutting into you, his pace getting rougher and faster. the knot in your stomach forms once again and your legs quiver as you grind your hips against his own. you tug back on his hair to stop the kiss. “i’m gonna come- ugh, gonna come soon,” you whisper. a whimper comes out of his mouth, his cheeks flushed red. his cock pounds your insides, your eyes couldn’t help but roll back.

“y-you’re so hot when you pull my hair like that- fuck!” he whimpers against your lips before kissing you again like he’s starved. your moans slipped from your mouth despite his lips as you felt your climax approaching sooner than later.

“i’m gonna come too, ugh…” he adds, pulling back from the kiss and staring at your beautiful, flushed face. “you can hold it, starlight. for me?” he pleads, puppy eyes making him seem almost innocent as opposed to his cock abusing your pussy. “i know you can. you’re so good, so perfect…”

at his praise, you tried holding back, but it only spurred you on more. “i love your pussy. i love you. you’re such a good girl for me,” he whispered to you. you finally came, your slick juices coating his cock generously as he finally bottoms inside you one last time, long and thick spurts of hot seed filling you deep. he buried his dick inside you as you both recovered from your combined orgasm. he holds you close to him, breathing in your scent which he could never get enough of.

“i didn’t even get to ask you how your mission went,” you mention, stroking his cheek with your thumb.

“why would you want to know what lumière was up to?” he retorts in annoyance.

“because lumière is cool! i like learning more about him,” you say, obviously waiting for a reaction. after seeing him pout, you decide to give it up. “i know he can’t compete with my dear boyfriend though.”

“that’s not good enough for an apology.”

“i’ll let you borrow my electric stove then.”

xavier smiles and nuzzles his head against your neck, leaning into you. “i really love you.”

“i love you too, xavier.”

AN (2.0) : i sure do hope no one irl associates me with this blog. if someone knows me, please pretend this never existed and ily<3. i cant be shamed more than i am actually. btw did not proofread and wrote this within 3 days (it shows) so quality sucks i’m sorry. finals are shit.

★no reposts ! please give credits to xiwatchthemoon★