Winter Light -   William H. Hays , N/d.

Fly, fading past the bend;

I wait, just to watch it go.

                      – Ashes by Madi Diaz

Just create the thing you want to create. Because who's going to stop you? Oh, it's you yourself? Well you can't let that bastard win, can you?

Hm, what are they talking about?

this post was mainly about ford trying to convince himself that he isn't stupid and he used bill as much as bill used him. instead of accepting his feelings or fully admitting what happened, he uses this 'reassurances' as ways to cope. he was the genius who will change the world, and now he became the genius who saved the same world. i imagine him being a little vulnerable around his family and admitting things but mostly he is overly protective about this topic

oh, of course ford might have been naive for believing bill's manipulations but that doesn't exactly mean he is stupid too. sure, bill's intentions were far more different than what he told but regardless, he chose ford. out of every human he could use, he trusted ford's intelligence to build an inter-dimensional portal. and mind you, he succeeded.

"bill was using you" then what? ford was using him too. they were on a deal, actually. that means both parts get something out of it. plus, he was a little too much focused on his feelings, his admiration. if not he would've definitely realized something is off with bill.

would he though?

when bill told a story about how he cut a disrespectful garbage's head and displayed it on a square, a lesson to all, ford murmured. when bill sectioned human kind in two; people like ford & others and talked about how much of a material waste others are, how they will never understand ford and exploit his intelligence, ford thought about certain someone who looks just like him. he nodded in agreement when bill casually kept going on how it would be better if they erase out of existence.

he had similar thoughts after all. bill was just more open and violent about them. but wasn't bill always like that? ford never saw those ideas as cracks in bill's mask or slip-ups from his manipulation. he was just bill.

even now he doesn't think bill lied to him all the time because he didn't have to. ford felt himself shiver. those weren't cues for him to realize. he knew and admired bill regardless. admired him with them. admired him because of them.

meet me here

Oliver failed. Oliver failed. He failed. Venetia lost interest, Farleigh came back, Felix found out his lie. He is not a brilliant mastermind who plotted the whole theft from day on, he popped a boy's tire so he could get close to him, to bask in the nearness to his warmth, and that was enough until it wasn't.

He isn't a genius, he's attentive and greedy and lucky and he can't help himself. He was pretty enough and Elspeth was broken enough that it worked in his favor after nearly 20 years. He tells himself he orchestrated the whole thing from the start, that it was "just work," and that he didn't gradually want more and more and more, and if you believe him, you failed too.

Come on... it's only one drink.

ねえ、一杯だけ

my muse and I

i love how it cuts to luka on stage in this scene. both of them trying to survive and struggling to do so. fighting in their own battles.