Devote Your Heart.

suicide ideation is so familiar to me that i find it really weird that it's meant to be go away just with a medicine. i fed it and let it roots grew and settle in my brain. it is more than a chemical deficiency to me. this actually became my personality and i don't want to let go

i want a kitten

oh, of course ford might have been naive for believing bill's manipulations but that doesn't exactly mean he is stupid too. sure, bill's intentions were far more different than what he told but regardless, he chose ford. out of every human he could use, he trusted ford's intelligence to build an inter-dimensional portal. and mind you, he succeeded.

"bill was using you" then what? ford was using him too. they were on a deal, actually. that means both parts get something out of it. plus, he was a little too much focused on his feelings, his admiration. if not he would've definitely realized something is off with bill.

would he though?

when bill told a story about how he cut a disrespectful garbage's head and displayed it on a square, a lesson to all, ford murmured. when bill sectioned human kind in two; people like ford & others and talked about how much of a material waste others are, how they will never understand ford and exploit his intelligence, ford thought about certain someone who looks just like him. he nodded in agreement when bill casually kept going on how it would be better if they erase out of existence.

he had similar thoughts after all. bill was just more open and violent about them. but wasn't bill always like that? ford never saw those ideas as cracks in bill's mask or slip-ups from his manipulation. he was just bill.

even now he doesn't think bill lied to him all the time because he didn't have to. ford felt himself shiver. those weren't cues for him to realize. he knew and admired bill regardless. admired him with them. admired him because of them.

Белые ночи

plans for the next riso sesh

the tenfluenzafication of fyodor dostoyevsky

look at them

stormbringer concept thing