Not That Anybody Asked, But I Think It's Important To Understand How Shame And Guilt Actually Work Before

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

More Posts from Timetobetraumatised and Others

4 months ago

hey don't cry. 7,401 species of frog in the world, ok?

1 year ago

The fact that Tolkien realized he’d created inconsistency for LotR with the first published version of The Hobbit and then retconned it with the in universe explanation of “Bilbo is a liar,” is never going to stop being both equal parts brilliant and funny.

1 year ago

Download this easy DIY clothing repair guide (only 10 pages) from Uni of Kentucky

Download This Easy DIY Clothing Repair Guide (only 10 Pages) From Uni Of Kentucky

link to PDF

https://fcs-hes.ca.uky.edu/sites/fcs-hes.ca.uky.edu/files/ct-mmb-147.pdf

5 months ago

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

8 months ago

anyone else seeing weird mysterious failures on Tumblr

8 months ago

Wait, I have something to give you!

[The heebie jeebies has been added to your inventory]

5 months ago
Hi. I Haven't Posted Anything At All For A Long Time, But Now I Have Something For You. I'm Sorry, I
Hi. I Haven't Posted Anything At All For A Long Time, But Now I Have Something For You. I'm Sorry, I

Hi. I haven't posted anything at all for a long time, but now I have something for you. I'm sorry, I feel so bad... I don't have the strength to move on, but I will share this surge of feelings on an electronic canvas with you. Take care of yourself.

1 year ago

We have all been talking about how bad Greek mythology representation the Disney "Hercules" movie is, but I want to stress out something very precise. An association shown in this movie that is often repeated in a lot of bad mythology works that show they do not know their source material.

I am talking about Disney-Hades' association with fire. Not only is it just the most anti-Hades thing to have him with a fiery temper - because Hades in Greek mythology was precisely an emotionless god, a stoic, hard, cold and shadowy figure, who only rarely got angry and only under exceptional cases (the two only cases where he got angry to my memory are the Persephone stuation, and the Asclepios one). But it also makes us believe that "fire" meant the same thing for Greeks as it means for us.

By that I mean: Hades as the god of the underworld can't be FURTHER away from the symbolism of fire in Ancient Greece. In Greek mythology, fire is life, action and emotion. It is the fire of the forge and of Hephaistos' crafting. It is the fire of Helios the sun. It is the fire of Hestia, the hearth of the home. It is the fire of Eros' passionate love. But one thing that is made clear in Greek mythology is that the underworld, and the realm of the dead, is a place with no fire, no warmth, no light. It is darkness and silence and coldness - the very antithesis of what life is supposed to be.

In fact, it isn't just a misrepresentation of Greek mythology - because a lot of Indo-European mythologies share this concept of the underworld as devoid of fire and light. From the Mesopotamian Underworld where the dead eat dust, to the cold and damp realm of the Norse Hel, in the ancient world fire was NOT associated with afterlife in a single way.

No need to tell you that Disney's Hades was actually more influenced by the Christian Devil than by the actual Greek figure of Hades - to the point that his early concept art has him in the traditional "red devil outfit with horns and a tail". And the heavy presence of fire in his character is a leftover of this very Christian take on the character - since he is supposed to be the "bad guy of the underworld", and so we jump on the "fiery hell" of the Christians.

There's no fire in the Greek Underworld - except for maybe the Phlegeton river, probably the only fire within Hades' realm - as the whole thing was that you became a "shadow" in the Underworld, and wandered for all eternity in the darkness, robbed of your voice and memories (unless some kind hero came with some blood to feed you). Well, its a tad bit more complicated than that but the idea stays - no fire in the underworld. Fire belongs to homes, to love, to forges, to the world of the living, not the one of the dead. Heck, according to the Prometheus myth, fire was originally from the realm of the IMMORTALS and the sole property of the gods of OLYMPOS! It was what made humanity closer to the gods (aka closer to immortality, aka further away from mortality). The idea can't be clearer: in Ancient Greece, fire was life.

1 year ago

Viggo Mortenson does not get enough credit for delivering lines like "not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall" with a complete sincerity and gravitas

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