I Hope This Is My Last Year

my first cross stitch

There’s really not much to this post, I just wanted to share the finished piece of the cross stitch I started. This is gonna get turned into a quilt pillow for my aunts birthday in March, I really hope she likes it. She’s obsessed with the beach and if she could would spend every day there- as I kid I used to think she was a mermaid in disguise lol-

I ended up not doing the little knot details because I couldn’t get it and was becoming a little bit frustrated, but I plan to try again at this on a future project

why is job hunting so hard now?? In high school I got a job so easy, but now in college it’s like I fit all the requirements but you don’t feel like hiring anymore after saying you were desperately understaffed?!!??

I got my permit guys!!!!

guys I’m so nervous, I’m about to go and try to get my permit again!

I don’t want to go back to uni tomorrow but I have to, I love my roommate but sometimes I feel unwelcome in the dorm.

honestly I’m debating on being up my bpd and depression to my counselor since I think he can understand and not judge me on it, but idk yet. I’m almost done with my freshman year so that’s something I guess

I thought that I was better

I genuinely thought that I was getting better, that I was moving on from my past. That I wasn’t the same 83 pound ball of depression and suicidal thoughts. But now I can realize that recovery isn’t a liner line, it’s a wave that has high highs and low lows. Some days it’s be a high, while others are a low. I may be depressed and doing things I shouldn’t do, but I’m not starving myself and I’m not cutting myself. And for me that’s a win. Yes I’m hurting in other ways, but I’m not bleeding and I’m not skin n bones anymore. I have scars that show I lived and I’m 105.8 pounds now. Technically I’m still in the bmi underweight category but not by much. I’m at a happy weight. And while yes sometimes I forget to eat, and others I say that I don’t deserve to. That’s all a part of my recovery, it might not be how others recover as each and every person handles things differently. All forms of moving forward- yes even the ups and downs- are a valid form of healing and progress. It shows that you are strong and kicking whatever it is that you are facing in the butt.

Sorry that this was so long, I’m on day three of not sleeping and needed to get this out. Good night or good morning, I hope you all have a lovely time. -3rat

Would anyone be interested in joining a pr04n4 discord server?

I’ve been thinking about making one for agessss but I’m not sure if people would join and be active

Reblog if ur interested!

Guys I’m having a freaking panic attack rn, I’m helping a friend of mine find out who was told about an accident. And just this whole topic is really triggering to me, but I want to be a good friend and support my friend. But I’m kinda spiraling about it

Photo haul of college

I have sooo many photos of my first semester, this isn’t even half of it

You are not a bad person for having used escapism as a coping mechanism when you were younger. You are not at fault for why you did. You did what you needed to in order to survive. It is not your fault you ended up developing it as an unhealthy coping mechanism. You were a child who needed to survive and cope.

What I mean when I do not control the hyperfixation.