You Will Not Only Have To Walk Her Down The Aisle To Give Her Away To Her Boyfriend, You Will Then Have

But she appreciates the gesture.

Chapter 5

“Why do you call daddy ‘Maid’ now, mommy?” four year old Mary asked Kate as they sat at the breakfast table. I turned back quickly to the stove to finish frying the eggs. It had been three weeks since Vince moved in, and even though I knew a conversation like this was inevitable, it didn’t make hearing it any less awkward.

Kate didn’t hesitate to answer.

“Well sweetie, you know how sometimes in your story books there’s a king who’s in charge of a palace?”

Mary nodded.

“Okay good, well, Mr. Vince is kind of like a king now, and this house is his palace!”

This was language a four year old could speak fluently.

“Ooh…” she paused, wheels turning. “Does that mean you’re a queen?”

“That’s right sweetie.”

“So is daddy a prince?” Her face scrunched up inquisitively.

“No, not exactly. He’s not as important as a prince.” Kate took a sip of tea and thought for a second. “Kings are really important, and they make the rules of the palace, but they need helpers to make sure the castle stays clean and there’s yummy food to eat! Sometimes we call those kinds of helpers maids.”

My daughter turned towards me.

“Can I call him Maid now too?”

Kate chuckled. “Sure, I guess so sweetie, it’s up to you.”

“I am going to call him maid now. He has to do what you say when you call him that.”

This brought cheerful laughs from my wife. “Smart girl! Well, he does have to listen to us…you’re absolutely right. But, we can’t make him do just anything. There are a lot of very important jobs for our maid. Like right now, see?”

I carried them their plates, utterly mortified. “Please Miss, if I may have a word…”

Kate looked at me, raising her eyebrows a little in surprise. It was becoming the norm now for me to quietly bustle about my work and only speak when spoken to.

“Umm…I'm…sorry Miss… I just wondered if you could maybe encourage her to continue thinking of me more as…as…”

My wife tilted her head. “What, exactly? You’re the one who started all this. You planted the idea of having Vince become boss here, and now you’re going to have to live with the consequences.”

There was an awkward silence, finally broken by my daughter.

“Mommy, is the maid being naughty?”

Kate turned to her, amused. “Yeah sweetie, a little bit I think.”

“Should we put him in timeout?”

“Well, we could…but we need our maid to finish taking care of breakfast for us. Tell you what, I have an idea. You know how you have a sticker chart that lets you earn prizes? Let’s make a chart for our maid! See, our maid has a very very special treat that it sometimes has to wait a really really long time to get. We’ll make a chart for our maid, and every time it’s really really good we’ll put a smiley face which will mean the maid gets it’s special prize one day sooner. But when it’s naughty we’ll put an X or maybe a couple X’s so it will have to wait longer for it’s treat. What do you think?”

The four year old clapped her hands. “Yay! Prize chart for maid!”

Kate had me go get a piece of paper and make a grid with two long rows. Each row had space for twelve smileys or Xs. This was humiliating, but at least my kid wouldn’t be unknowingly adding more than twelve days to my next unlocking opportunity.

Unfortunately Kate had the same realization.

“Tell you what Mary, how about we make the smiles mean one day, and the X’s will mean a week? That way the chart won’t fill up too fast.”

Mary may not have fully comprehended the concept but she happily agreed.

“Okay…very good. Now, let’s see.” Kate gave the pen to my daughter and slid the chart beside her on the table. “How many X’s should we give our maid for punishment this time?”

My child confidently took the pen and proudly scribbled three big X’s onto my new chart. I whimpered under my breath as Kate took the paper and handed it to me.

“Don’t you have something you would like to say to Mary?” She asked, a wicked smile across her face.

My heart sank even further. I turned to my daughter, holding the paper in front of my apron.

“Yes, umm…thank you Miss Mary for my…my punishment.”

God this hurt.

“There we go.” Kate said, turning back to her breakfast. “You’re welcome maid. Now go back to your work, and hang that chart up on the fridge where Mary can reach it.”