Thisfeelswrong - This Feels Wrong

I'm literally in an abusive relationship with myself, I constantly belittle myself, and put myself in situations intentionally to be harmed.

the feeling when you just wanna be alone and push everyone away so you could quietly kill yourself vrs the feeling of never wanting to be alone and just wanting to be held and told itll be okay even when it wont.

It’s really weird growing up, because now I don’t tell anyone anything. As I know deep down no one wants to hear what I have to say.

did you hold me knowing you were going to let me go?

“I’m not going anywhere”

“you won’t scare me away”

“It’s okay to lean on me for support”

“you’re my closest friend”

“I don’t think you’re too much”

“I’m not going to do what they did”

“I want to be with you and only you”

“I love you”

“I’m sorry I just can’t do this anymore, I hope you can understand”

when you finally reach that numb after the breakdown >>>

I’m done, defeated. Some of us aren’t meant to be loved. Today is the day I will try to accept that. Keep to myself. It’ll hurt. A lot. A lot. But I’m done. My life has been agony and my fragile heart can’t take this anymore. I’ll always be an object. To be used then thrown away. I’m not good enough or worthy of being loved.