Thewhiskeybones - The Whiskey Bones

when ur fasting time is up but you’re too afraid to eat, because you don’t want it to trigger a binge

today on “just ed things” we play our favorite game: “did i lose weight or do i just need to wash my jeans?”

You know, I know people don’t talk about it often, but self care and healing isn’t always pretty and easy. Sometimes it’s hella messy and slow. Sometimes it’s filled with days where you feel like shit, and seeing someone else doing well makes you feel worse. (Even if you’re truly happy for them, because the brain is a silly thing sometimes.)

And those days can also be where you wanna curl up in a ball, cry, and indulge in the little voice that tells you that “This is it and nothing will get better and/or change. No matter how hard you try or how long you keep at it.”

And it’s days like that where you have to be kinder and gentler to yourself. Even small things like drinking a cup of water, or reading a favorite fic for the hundredth time. But also you have to be tough. You have to tell that little voice “No.” and keeping going. Even if it’s slow and crawling on your belly. You gotta keep trying.

And taking rests is ok. Stopping to catch your breath or have a good breakdown is ok. But don’t quit. And it’s not easy. The voice can be so fucking loud and controlling. It can grab you by the throat and pull you under. But you’re a fighter.

You’ve fought your whole life and you can do it again. And one day, you will be able to fight less. And hopefully will even get moments of no fighting. But for now, you go slow. You take your time. You tell anyone else who yells at you to “Hurry up!” to shut it.

Being the turtle isn’t so bad. And retreating into your shell somedays isn’t wrong. But also remember that shell is armor, and it needs care as well. The cracks need time to heal. And that’s all ok.

Go slow, turtle. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.

Inner me: I recognize that losing the weight won't make me any prettier, I'll literally just weigh less.

My ED: Yeah, but would you rather be skinny and ugly or fat and ugly?

Inner me: