Eventually Jaune And Ren Have To Work Together To Make The Remnant Version Of Soylent, Just A Milkshake

Ruby: *Introduces Qrow as their uncle.*

Jaune: *Eyes glaze over. Sucker punches Qrow in the stomach so hard he starts puking.*

Yang: Jaune what the fuck!

Jaune: Huh! Wha-What happened? Whose this sick guy?

Bad Touch

Jaune: I love finger puppets! When I was a kid, my uncle used to play finger puppets with me all the time!

Ruby: That’s so sweet!

Jaune: Yeah… it really hurt to sit down afterwards though.

Yang: Woah, hold on-

Jaune: I was the puppet.

Plot Twist: Before they got married his wife happened to be named “Goodwitch”.

Side Quest.

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Ruby: Okay it's time we go save the world right guys!

JYWBNR: Yeah!

Civilian in distress: wait!*points to Jaune* Oh brave knight! I need your help!

Jaune: I'm sorry but I've held the team up long enough, I have to go help them save the world.

Civilian: Please! If you were to help my family you'd be handsomely rewarded!

Jaune: please sir...my friends need me, I can't delay them any longer.

Civilian: I come from a wealthy family, we can give you money or land!

Jaune: This is more important then money or land!

RWBYNR: Yeah!

Civilian: ...if you help me I'll introduce yiu to my wife's beautiful sister...she has a thing for tall blonde knights.

Jaune: ...

Yang: As if Lady Killer could be persuaded by that when he has (gestures to herself and all the other girls) right Jaune?

Jaune: ...right!

Civilian: she's got bigger tiddies then all of them. *point to team RWBY*

Jaune: *pulls out Crocea Mors* Tiddies it is!

RWBY: JAUNE!

Nora, sniffling: that's my fearless leader.

Ren: truly a man of culture.

Gotta love those Side Quests.

Dumb headcanon I’ve mentioned before: I always assumed Huntresses would use those arm implants that last for years at a time. Because, you know, super strength could break latex and they’d possibly be spending long amounts of time out of cities with assured medical supply.

What kind of protection do they use? Condom? Pill? Other hole?

Welcome back guys, gals, and nb pals to another episode of 

Sexual Wellness with Riza Today’s topic: Contraception

No method is completely free of risk, and they all have their drawbacks. But please remember to always use at least two forms of protection! 

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To answer the ask:  They both walk around with shields as their primary weapons, they each bring their own protection. Neo takes birth control and Jaune uses condoms. (Assuming they’re both Cis-gender. I’m not against either trans head-cannons)

A Thought: Jaune and Cinder end up having another throwdown, Neo sees Jaune getting some hits in and is so done with Cinder she switches teams on the spot, we get Silent Knight vs. Cinder. Neo may or may not follow Jaune away from Atlas like a stray cat after.

When I first started my fic, the biggest question I had to answer was how they would start to work together and move past just being on different sides. This is pretty similar to one of my early ideas but I thought it might be more difficult, from a story telling perspective. 

But

Pyrrha Nikos was an international prodigy and celebrity. Neo and Roman might have been living in warehouses but they had scrolls. Neo knows who Pyrrha was. Not to mention Neo participated in the Vytal Festival. She saw Pyrrha and Jaune together during the JNPR fight. 

So when Jaune confronts Cinder again for the third time, and Cinder brings up killing Pyrrha and nearly killing Weiss, Neo could put the pieces together. She would notice the sash too, which was so characteristically Pyrrha’s. In a single moment Neo would understand all the reasons Jaune fights and who he’s fighting for. And who they could both fight against. 

Ever since the fall of Beacon, Neo has been after one goal: revenge. With that goal achieved, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself. Vale is largely trashed after Beacon fell. Atlas is under high alert, Mantle is about to be overrun, and Vacuo is a desert miles away. Her choices are either fly back to Mistral and try to make her way in life, or stick it out with the only person in Remnant who can understand her, communication barrier or no

I feel like Winter probably lives off just field rations on missions and whatever the academy/base served while she was there. So if Jaune ever made her 'home-cooking' she'd just melt.

winter pigs out

Is Weiss suggesting Willow has a separate bed just for sex?

How would each member of RWBY react to finding Jaune in bed with their mom?

Summer

Ruby: hi jaune! Hi mom! mom!? Wait… *gasp*

Willow

Weiss: MOM! JAUNE! YOU TWO ARE DOING IT!? AND IN THE BED YOU SLEEP IN MOM!?

Kali

Blake: ugh mom why do you always sleep with my blonde friends?

Raven

Yang: mom! Do you have a thing for hot blondes or something?!

We desperately need to hear more about Team RASN (Raisin).

Weiss: Ruby, I think the headmaster is making fun of us with that name...

Jaune: Seems fine to me.

Weiss: *Glaring at the 6′ knight* Of course you’d say that...

Nora: Everyone likes raisins!

Weiss: *Glaring at the shortstack* OF COURSE YOU’D SAY THAT!

Can we just take a moment about an AU where Jaune ended up on a team with Ruby, Weiss, and Nora? Just one tall noodle with three smol girls.

...Jaune would deadass hide everything on the top shelves

And also do the koala sex thing with whomever among his team wants to be with him.

Oh, an Ruby sometimes uses him like a jungle gym.

~Haven~

Ruby: -and then he just started taking bites out of it!

Nora: Yeah he did! Bossman Jaune locking it down!

Weiss: That’s disgusting! Barbaric!

Ruby: I know right! He’d do it whenever he found a deer, and he’d always ask me if I wanted it first like that’s normal!

Nora: I always ate Ren’s deer hearts...

Yang: Is this just a thing now? Was Vomit-Boy that weird when we were at school?

Blake: Wait- Where did Jaune grow up again? Do you know?

Ruby: Uhhh...Ansel? East of Vale? He’d go camping out in Anima though so he knew where to-

Blake: Hmmmm.... *Locking eyes with a giddy Nora*

Ruby: What? Does that matter?

Blake: Well in many regions of rural Sanus the heart goes to the youngest in the group to help them grow stronger.-

Ruby: I’m barely younger! And I don’t need a heart to g-

Blake: But on Anima, it’s a romantic gesture.

Weiss: It WHAT!?

Yang: Wha-ha-ha-hat?

Blake: It’s a confession, or if you want to be more literal, ‘I am asking permission to romantically pursue you’ it’s actually how Valentine’s Day started.

Weiss: How could that be considered romant-

Ruby: I was supposed to eat it!?

Yang: D’aaaw... poor Jauney, had his poor gross deer heart broken again...

Nora: You wish~~~

Weiss:...Ruby you didn’t-

Ruby: I didn’t even touch it!

Nora: Tell ‘em Blakey!

Blake: *Sighs* A rejection would have been tossing it on the ground, or even passing it on to another person, Ruby, you said he could have it every time?

Ruby: Y-Yeah, but I didn’t know any-

Nora: *Hyperactive Squealing*

Weiss: QUIET! Blake! What does that mean?

Blake: *Fidgeting with pages, looking away* Well, it varies, but-

Yang: WHAT’S IT!?

Blake:...’I am already yours’...

Nora: *Cheering*

Weiss & Yang: *Angry Stammering*

Ruby: *Panicking Rose Noises*

random idea for my head cannon of jaune

walking through remnant was a long and drawn-out process. especially when you didn’t pack rations before you set out. ruby would argue that she had a lot to think about before leaving but she knew she’d screwed up. she was taught to fight not to plan a caravan. luckily jaune knew how to hunt and process his kills, sure it was sad to kill a cute bunny or a gentle deer but hey they had to eat law of nature. she only cried a little  the bad news was that jaune processed the kills while they were around. and seeing her crush bestie friend ripping the guts out of an animal before skinning it. she got a little sick to her stomach.  Jaune: “okay, ruby you want the heart?” *still got his hands covered in the deer* Ruby: *kinda scared* “what?” Nora: *gasps* “Renny it’s happening!” Ren: *pleasantly surprised* “ahead of schedule as well, congratulations ruby” Ruby: “why am I being congratulated? what’s going on” Jaune: “the hearts something that can be eaten raw, I wanted to know if you wanted it” Ruby: “okay funny guys, really funny. you almost had me” *looks around* “you’re joking, right?” Jaune: “as serious as a heart attack” Nora: *gasps* Ren: *smiles happily* Ruby: “I couldn’t” jaune: “I don’t mind, you should have it” Ren: *shakes his head, still smiling* Nora: *pantomimes eating* Ruby: *panicking*  “YOU EAT IT!” Nora: “ohmygodohmygodohmygod,” *grabs ren by the shirt and shakes him* “IT’S HAPPENING!” jaune: *shrugs and takes a bite out of the heart like an apple* Nora/Ren: *applauding* Ruby: *face pales* *softly to herself* “what the heck” ———————————————————————————————————– so fun fact about deer hearts they can be eaten raw. in vale the heart is traditionally given to the youngest member of the group to help them grow strong in minstral the heart is given to someone you care about and is seen as something romantic  in the kingdoms, proper no one eats deer heart  so three different things were happening during this story for Nora and ren, it was jaune giving a romantic gesture (a very major one) to ruby who then reciprocated (in a major way) basically announcing that they would be courting each other  jaune made a kill and as a skilled hunter offered the best part to ruby who was the youngest as a gesture to show he cared about her. but she didn’t like deer heart so he ate it for her ruby just watched her … jaune, kill an animal rip its guts out through its butt cut off its skin then eat the heart out of it still raw after offering it to her

Winter, and maybe Emerald:

jaune makes everyone dinner. how do they react?

The fact that they’re all still tinted red in the edit just makes me laugh harder at this.

Salem: GIRLS! COME HERE!

Emerald & Yang: [DANGER]

salem holding emerald and yang like they’re just two disobedient children is exactly what i needed today