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Sometimes

Sometimes I start to cry reading the work of others and my tears are made of salt. They burn rolling over my skin but I like the taste of each one as they clean my bloody lips. 

Sometimes I cry and my head starts to ache with the hammers I couldn’t build and it’s ringing ringing ringing,  

and it hurts. 

Sometimes the lump in my throat refuses to go away so I choke it down until I’m coughing, but that’s okay because all breath is temporary. 

Sometimes I tell myself to revel in that fact. 

Sometimes I try to force my fingers into something they are not. They burn and tremble as I twist them into tools, into something of value. I plead with them to bring me joy, but my throat hurts from the crying and they do not want to help me. They turn into weapons instead, and I suddenly understand my friends who sunk into existing all those years ago. 

Sometimes I wonder why I did not fall too. 

Sometimes I think I’m still falling.

Sometimes I think of Him and I try not to because I despise still having a Him, because I thought delusions of a mangled past would last longer. Because he never thinks of Me. 

I know I don’t. 

Sometimes I think about being seven and how much I hated being seven. Even when it was all I knew.

Sometimes I think about being seven and listening to Taylor Swift because I hadn’t been told not to, not yet, and knowing that the words contained a future. I miss thinking of a future. 

Sometimes I think about flying off of a swing and I don’t know why. The word ’outstretched’ comes to mind. 

I am reaching. Always reaching. Always for something. 

Sometimes I think about being seven and listening to Taylor Swift and how I would never compare my words to hers. Not then.

Her words were a distant beckon, mine a supercilious shout. And they were mine. Then.

Sometimes I worry that my words are no longer mine, but sacrifice is a picture I admire, never beckon. 

Sometimes I cry reading the works of others, and I when I ask myself why, the answer is a ball of yarn. My cat bats it away before I can unravel it.

Sometimes my friends tell me things. 

They tell me they would die for Harry Styles and I try to imagine such an altruism, but then I am consumed by thoughts of darkness, of endings, of gone, and I lock my thoughts away into the drawer my mom built for me when I was seven.

Sometimes my friends don’t tell me things. Sometimes I ask them not to. They forget, and I forget, and we move on forgetting together. I am grateful that my friends have more faith in the weapons attached to my hands then I do. I am grateful that their words are still theirs.

I am grateful they do not know that I have lost mine.

Sometimes I look for my words, before the fallacy of it all starts to choke me, and I am a turtle in an ocean of trash, alive but struggling. I claw it off my neck and stagger on anyway, realizing that having weapons instead of fingers can be useful.

Sometimes I lie. I told myself I wouldn’t, not ever, but that was when I was seven and believed the world deserved truth. It still does, but I do not. So sometimes I lie to myself, and I tell myself I’ve lost my words. 

My words are not lost. They are locked in the drawer my mom gave me. The drawer I despised even more than being seven. 

Sometimes I unlock the drawer. I had to unlock it to write this, and I wrote this because I was crying over the work of others. 

Sometimes I consider smashing the drawer. But would my words return then?

Or would they be lost forever?

Reminds me of the time my pricincal read the Star Wars smut I was writing because I was an idiot and used a school account to create it....

Ah the blunders of youth.

i went to school with a girl who had to have a talk with the principle because she wrote one direction fanfiction on wattpad and they were like concerned about her future but she didn’t stop

brave

Why I Love Yuri On Ice: A Brief Lesson in Music Theory

I began learning Yuri On Ice on the piano a couple months ago, and here’s my thoughts on it:

No song, in the 10 years that I have been studying music, has been so enticing, made me so desperate to master it, that I would dedicate as much time and amount of headspace to it that I have for Yuri on Ice.

It is due to such intense concentration and analysis that I began to notice the true beauty of this song, which lies in the music theory weaved between each note. Music theory is like any conspiracy- sometimes it’s there, sometimes it isn’t, and it can be hard to distinguish the red herrings from the true intent of a piece. However, in the case of Yuri on Ice, my theory connected so well to every clue laid out throughout both the song and the show, the thought of it being incorrect never crossed my mind.

First, to understand the theory laid out in song form, it is important to examine it from a visual perspective. The song, Yuri on Ice, comes from the similarly-named anime TV show Yuri!!! On Ice. For anyone that hasn’t seen the show, it tells the tale of Japanese figure skater Yuuri Katsuki, who has reached rock bottom in his career and close to giving up as a skater, until his childhood hero and current competitor Viktor Nikivorof decides to coach him. Together, the two progress through the many rounds of an international skating championship, learning about life, love and each other along the way. It is a simple narrative, but presented masterfully, and the romance between the two is one that is widely beloved by fans all over the world.

As the show is based around figure skating, there are many instances where we see Yuuri perform, each one set to music of some kind. This is where Yuri on Ice comes in. It is introduced as a song written and recorded for Yuuri’s Free Skate Program by a friend of his attending a music conservatory. He specifically requests a song to represent his skating career, highlighting the more recent events of meeting Viktor and renewing his confidence to skate one more time. 

Now, unpacking the music theory in all of that may first appear a little difficult, as the main way of understanding a song in media is analyzing where and when it is played. In movies produced by studios like Star Wars or Marvel, there are specific character/moment themes that are played when the characters they represent are onscreen, or even more frivolously, when anything important happens. Unfortunately, in the case of Yuri on Ice, the song is almost exclusively played while Yuuri is performing in competitions, moments that don’t include a whole lot of emotional weight or relevance.

But this doesn’t mean that the theme does not appear elsewhere. Almost every instrumental song throughout the show contains elements of the Yuri on Ice theme (all composed around the main notes Ab, G, F, and Eb), so much so that I find it hard to not consider all of them the same song. It is most prominent in the song Heartbeats, which plays during many important moments between the couple.

Even more important than that, however, is the fact that music theory concerns more than just the placement of a song or theme. The actual notes in a song, and how they are composed to interact with each other, is far more crucial to any meaning it intends to hold.

As I said, Yuri!!! On Ice follows a very specific progression of Yuuri’s connection to Viktor. He starts off alone, meets Viktor, starts working with him (but a bit clumsily), learns to operate in unison, and it all culminates with the two falling in love by the end. The realization that I came to while learning this piece is that the song itself expresses their story perfectly.

To explain, let’s assume that the right hand (which plays the top of the piano) represents Yuuri, and the left represents Viktor. Yuri on Ice starts off with a simple trill played almost entirely by the right hand. There is no backing, no harmony, and the segment is essentially a solo. Just as Yuuri is in the early episodes, it is an isolated sound, with nothing to compliment or amplify it.

After a couple bars of this trill emerges one, resonant bass note. I believe this represents the moment in the show where Viktor and Yuuri cross paths, but do not interact. One brief moment of his presence in Yuuri’s life, and then it’s gone.

Following are a couple more bars of the trill, then, just as Viktor found his way into Yuuri’s life unexpectedly, the left hand returns out of nowhere, joining the right hand to play a fast-paced arpeggio sequence. Despite the emphasis in this being placed on the right hand, both are required to complete the segment, and the left hand works to amplify the sound of the right.

After the arpeggios comes a crossover sequence that truly utilizes both hands. As the right plays the main portion of the melody, the left plays the bass while occasionally crossing over the right to complete the melody. Both hands must be played in perfect unison to achieve the effect of one harmonious tune. By this point, Yuuri and Viktor have begun to work together, falling into place as partners both on and off the ice, and the song expresses how far they’ve come and the beauty that they can create together.

The song essentially continues in that manner for another 3 minutes, every segment relying on both hands to sound complete, just as Viktor and Yuuri needed to remain together to retain their success on the ice and as humans.

In essence, the song Yuri On Ice may not have lyrics to state what it represents, but the evidence is there among the notes if you only know where to look. It’s a love song, as poetic as any other, telling the tale of one of the greatest love stories ever written, without ever having to state that explicitly.

“in sound effects, what’s the difference between nascar and f1?”

You can only REBLOG THIS TODAY

harry styles is so beautiful. he is poetry personified. he shines brighter than stars, shimmering like golden dust. he is soft piano, he is a fast string quartet that makes you feel like dancing atop a grassy hill. he makes the butterflies in my stomach spin tornadoes, and he makes me smile so hard it presses dimples into my cheeks. he is sunshine shining through wall to wall glass windows. his beauty makes me want to twirl and dance. he is glowing. he is beautiful.

hell yeah

Satans New World Order let’s goooo

Who’s joining me??

I COULDN’T HATE IT HERE MORE IF I TRIED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

everyone should reblog this with their favourite, footballer, formula one driver, superhero and disney princess — it’s for science

AJFSAKLJFSDKLJFKLJLSKF- BERRY YOU SWEETHEART

Consider me punched!!!!

LOVE YOU ❤️✨❤️✨

IM GONNA STAND ON MY SOAP BOX RIGHT NOW AND YELL ABOUT FRIENDS REAL QUICK PASSIONATELY

@churchofrileytanev YOU!!!!!!! OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO NICE??? HOW DO YOU DO IT????? IT SHOULD BE A CRIME TO BE THAT NICE AND SWEET YOU ABSOLUTE DEITY. I HAVE FOLLOWED YOU FOR SO LONG AND I ADORE YOU BUD. KEEP DOIN WHAT YOU DO.

@goalies YOU BETTER PREPARE YOUR BODY BECAUSE I’M GONNA BODYSLAM YOU WITH LOVE. YOU ARE SO FUNNY AND GOOD AT DRAWING AND ARE SO POG. YOU MAKE ME HAVE A LOSS FOR WORDS 24/7 BECAUSE??? DAMN YOU ARE JUST WONDERFUL

@tychnoblade YOU!!!! FUCKER I WILL DROPKICK YOU WITH LOVE INTO A FLUFFY BEANBAG CHAIR CAUSE YOU DESERVE IT MORE THAN YOU THINK!!!! YOU ALWAYS SAY THE MOST WEIRD BUT FUNNY THINGS!!!!! YOU!!! GAH YOU MAKE MY HEART GO AAAAAAAAAAA EVERYTIME YOU SAY SOMETHING

@hollyjollyjosty I’M NOT GONNA LEAVE YOU OUT OF THIS ONE BUCKAROO. YOUR ART??? POG!!!!!! YOUR PERSONALITY???? POG!!!! YOU AS A WHOLE?????? EPIC POG!!!!!!!! YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY, AND EVEN THOUGH WE DON’T TALK A LOT I NOTICE YOU IN MY NOTES ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!

@theothermercedesdriver-main WE HAVE BARELY TALKED BUT.. PHENOMAL PERSON!!!!!!!! YOU JUST- AAAAAAA!!!!!!! YOUR F1 CONTENT IS POG AND YOU SHOULDN’T UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF. I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE CHEST WITH LOVE!!!!!!!

Can you and the other Pierre stans manifest Pierre beating Max?

.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·. we’re on it .·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.