Starting Tomorrow I Will Be Super Normal Fun Kind Sexy And Functioning

Something that I've been thinking about lately: the difference in how Theo talks about Pippa compared to how he talks about Boris in his adult years.

Theo talks about Pippa like she's perfect, or at least the perfect one for him. He's convinced that she is the one he is meant to be with, the only one who could understand him. But the way he talks about her doesn't come off as love, but as an obsession instead. I'm not saying that he doesn't have any genuine love/affection towards her, I'm sure he does, but he has definitely romanticized her existence to the point that the person he thinks he's in love with is completely different than the real one. He barely knows the real Pippa because getting to know her would mean that his fantasy would dissappear. So he ignores all those things that don't match his ideal version of Pippa and talks about her like she's perfect. Her imperfections, if he mentions any, are endearing. But, still; somehow most of the times where he tries to compliment her end up sounding weird (Unexpected glimpse of her white armpits). He can't say anything about her that isn't superficial because he doesn't see her as real person but as his walking fantasy.

Meanwhile, Theo seems to want to reminds us (and himself) everything bad about Boris. He is quick to point out his faults, even when he says something nice about him or expresses his feelings about him. And surely, Boris does have a lot of faults, but it's weird how often Theo talks about them unprovoked. Like he wants to make sure everything else he says about him doesn't sound too gay. He focuses on the negatives because he is afraid of his feelings. He isn't ready to admit that despite his faults (which were numerous and spectacular), he still loves him. He likes to point out all the ways that Boris is different than him, almost like he's trying to convince himself that they belong in different worlds, like they could never work out, despite it being quite obvious that the two of them aren't very different where it counts. Regardless of these habits of his, Boris is real to him. Perhaps the problem is that Boris presence is his life forces him to acknowledge his real self too. (A self one does not want, a heart one cannot help.)

In conclusion, despite Theo's best efforts to convince himself that he's totally straight and in love with Pippa, I think it's quite obvious to everyone with enough reading compensation skills that the one he loves is Boris. He can talk shit about him and put Pippa on a pedestal all he wants; but the truth can't be hidden. Donna Tarrt told me this personally btw, don't doubt me.

We are an awful lot alike, Theo.

theo decker is like "i will only pursue romantic relationships that are doomed to fail. the only two women i love are shallow projections of my own trauma, and cannot love me back. i will self-sabotage by entering loveless relationships with emotionally distant women. the last time i felt true love for another person was with my childhood best friend. i am a heterosexual."

yeah i think his ass is having some revelations.

I think if Vecna went inside Mike’s head he would be too overwhelmed by his self-hatred, anxiety and PTSD that he would acquire human feelings and stop being a villain and that might be how they win.

& you know what it actually IS lifechanging to smile at strangers & say please & thank you & goodmorning & compliment someones outfit & help someone in need & be more accepting of loving other people just because they are other people!!!

just googled my symptoms and it turns out it was boris i missed, the whole impulsive mess of him: gloomy, reckless, hot-tempered, appallingly thoughtless. boris pale and pasty, with his shoplifted apples and his russian-language novels, gnawed-down fingernails and shoelaces dragging in the dust. boris - budding alcoholic, fluent curser in four languages - who snatched food from my plate when he felt like it and nodded off drunk on the floor, face red like he’d been slapped. 

omfgggg i wish love was real it sounds so fun and interesting

A girl puts a knife to your throat and your immediate instinct is to kiss her. Melissa, you relatable bitch. Congrats on living the dream.