By Dora.tattoo

If i die in ny aleep my message to da world is

Thank you women and-

*sees a bug outside my window*

god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything

Have u considered letting it lick your eyelids

cats get so personally offended that I don't want my eyelids rubbed with sandpaper

Someone get this man a pony oc stat!

Team Kendrick or team Drake?

...

What ...?

if you’re the dead wife and i’m the dead wife then who’s looking back at the gates of the underworld????

i love the magic in jonathan strange and mr norrell. no system, just mysticism, folklore, and nature. that kind of mystery and wonder is something i love in fantasy. don’t need intricate world building or detailed magic systems, give me the sense of wonder.

My one friend group can't stop saying, "See you in hell!" in a cheerful voice instead of, "Talk to you later!" and my other friend group can't stop calling things "penis" instead of "cool" or "good", so I just unironically uttered the phrase, "Sounds penis, see you in hell," as I got off the phone.

every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again