JOE KEERY As KEYS FREE GUY (2021) Dir. Shawn Levy

Look, I may not be an explorer or-or an adventurer or-or a treasure seeker or a gunfighter, Mr. O’Connell, but I am proud of what I am. I...am a librarian.

what's so great about the mummy 1999?

are you ready for this? 

it is the most wonderfully made, historically inaccurate, giddily fun, perfectly paced, goofy horror movie romance novel bullshit bonanza that has ever blessed the silver screen.

i mean it is just so beautifully full of every genre without being overwhelming.we’ve got: comedy, action, suspense, horror, romance, adventure, ancient aesthetics, and it’s a period piece. all perfectly balanced and blended into one movie.

and the characters are so LIT

we got our main babe, evelyn “motherfucking” carnahan, a super-klutz librarian, total history nerd, and certified badass/damsel in distress. she raises the dead on accident, because she cannot resist books, and has the guts to put that motherfucker back where he came from and literally saves the world.evie’s greatest hits: 

“what is a place like me, doing in a girl like this?!”

*after totally destroying the library* “i’ve just made a bit of a mess in the library.”

“no harm ever came from reading a book.”

evelyn: *upon opening the tomb* “i’ve dreamt about this since i was a little girl.”rick: “you dream about dead guys?”

“oops.”

then we’ve got rick “brendan fraser” o’connell, your not-so-typical battle hardened gun slinger with a heart of gold. he seems filthy, rude, and a complete scoundrel at first, but then he turns into a literal puppy, with massive heart eyes, that worships the ground evie walks on.rick’s greatest hits:

*screams at mummy*

*screams at sand*

*screams at things that are illogical to scream at*

*screams*

next is our Comedic Relief Character™, jonathan carnahan, who also rises above his trope. he’s there for the laugh sure, but is never useless. he actively helps to move the plot along and isn’t just there. he also is the farthest thing from brainless and annoying.jonathan’s greatest hits:

evelyn: “have you no respect for the dead?”jonathan: “of course i do, but sometimes i’d rather like to join them.” same.

oh and that time he was like “IMHOTEP” and saved his own ass like that was so smooth, y’all know what i’m talking about right??

then there is ardeth BAE. he is the audience rolling his eyes because *sighs* white people. he’s tired of these motherfucking mummies in this motherfucking desert. literally prettier than everyone.(he has a much bigger role in the mummy returns, but is still so fab here)

and of course THE MUMMY. imhotep. actual emo. literally carved some poetry into the back of his sarcophagus when he was buried alive with flesh eating bugs, because he is that Extra™. just wants to bring his girlfriend back to life so he can make out with her without it being treason. 

and all the side characters are also gr8.

now i wanna take a moment to talk about the romance. because it is so BEAUTIFUL. like usually in action movies it’s macho man undermines girl and they bone. not here. no time for that shit. 

rick and evie have such a great relationship based on mutual respect and affection. they both cater to each other’s strengths and cover each other’s weaknesses. they are the literally definition of: “those two. in a fight, they’re lethal. around each other, they melt”

what else, i could literally talk about this movie all day.

the special effects have held up pretty well.the music score is GORGEOUS.the costumes are amazing.the makeup, especially for anck su namun, OH WOW.the george of the jungle era brendan fraser sign me the fuck up.rachel weisz.

so many good things.

it’s just great.

#i secretly rate every action movie from 0 to the mummy

it’s a beautiful mess of a movie that can be enjoyed by people of all ages and transcends time and posterity as the alpha mummy movie, and to those who disagree i beseech you:

The Evermore Grimoire: Astrology

Gemini (May 21st to June 20th) is is the third astrological sign of the zodiac. In Greek mythology, the constellation Gemini is associated with the myth of Castor and Pollux, the sons of Leda (queen of Sparta) and either Zeus (king of the gods) or King Tyndareus of Sparta. They were inseparable throughout their lives, growing closer as they grew older. Together, they fought alongside each other in numerous battles and adventures. However one day Castor was tragically killed. Despite his death, Pollux decided to share his immortality with his brother so that they could always be together. Traits associated with Gemini include being smart, passionate, and dynamic and just like the twins they are known for having two different sides they can display to the world. Energetic and quick-witted, Gemini never gets stuck in the past and doesn’t ruminate on what might have been. Instead, they move forward with glass-half-full optimism and an ability to always look on the bright side (and land on their feet) in nearly any situation. With a mind that’s constantly racing, even when they’re just quietly hanging out, the Twins never get bored. In fact, Gemini are happy keeping their own company, and can often turn their solitary daydreams into reality. Despite their unfair rep for being two-faced, once a Gemini is in your life, they’re loyal for life but they aren’t afraid to voice their opinion if they feel you’re doing something they disagree with or if they perceive you as not being loyal to them. And even though Gemini is easily the life of the party without trying, the Twins also have a deep emotional side that needs care and feeding. They also like time to themselves to read, create, daydream, and come up with new ways of sharing their gifts with the world. When a Gemini is truly in their creative element, they’re an unstoppable force of energy that can motivate, inspire, and enchant the rest of the Zodiac.

artwork by Yaroslava Apollonova

JAMES MCAVOY Men’s Journal © 2019

HENRY CAVILL as GERALT OF RIVIA “the end’s beginning” | the witcher 1x01

biting is a love language. no i will not elaborate.

The Mummy Returns (2001) dir. Stephen Sommers

If you’ve ever taken a road trip through the pacific northwest, you’ve probably seen a bumper sticker for a place called “Gravity Falls.” It’s not on any maps, and most people have never heard of it, some people think it’s a myth. But if you’re curious, don’t wait. Take a trip. Find it. It’s out there somewhere in the woods. Waiting.

HAPPY 10th ANNIVERSARY GRAVITY FALLS! first episode date: June 15th, 2012