How Is Trump Alive?? Like Hes Rlly Gone Thru His Whole Life Like That …. And No One Has Ever Just Fuckin

“Chipmunk tasting almonds for the first time”

(via)

kinda adorable how it takes the moon almost exactly a month to blink

A villager came to me begging for help. Something about his crops failing due to lack of rain—honestly, I wasn’t paying attention. I leaned on my staff and asked, “What are you willing to pay?”

He paled, stammering something about not having much, his hands fumbling nervously. I let him sweat for a moment, then waved him off with a laugh.

“Relax,” I said, “this one’s on the house.”

And so it rained. Not on the fields, of course—just on his roof. Heavy, relentless, endless. His crops remain bone dry. The roof, however, has never looked wetter.

Nothing like a little workout session 🦀

tag ur blonde friend

so my mind has a classification system i still haven't dissected, and that combined with the fact tumblr puts so many random fandoms on my dash means that i sometimes Mislabel things mentally.

anyways: for a period of ~18 months i thought Sarcastic Fringehead was the stage name of this performer:

Two wizards arguing over weather staffs or wands are better and then some bard shows up and is like

"actually instruments are better!"

and then one of the wizards goes

"Stfu you fake ass caster" and backhands the bard

I bet you wish you were in a red barn being fed oats. Horse.