T's Tea On TV - Lawrence Of Arabia

T's Tea on TV - Lawrence of Arabia

Spoilers ahead

We start the movie with a disclaimer saying that as per directorial wishes we will be subjected to a dark screen with the soundtrack alone three times during this 138 minutes movie.

The pretentious-o-meter is already off the scale.

We start off with a game of ‘is he driving against traffic or is this england’ so far it’s anyone’s guess since he crashed and presumably died. Who’s to tell.

Apparently it was England.

Alright, we’re done with the frame and this man has the strongest gay vibes I’ve ever felt hit me. Also he enjoys a bit of pain.

He’s a shameless brat.

I know he’s a military man for a colonizing force but I’m fully going to harp about his gayness.

I have been told that there will be absolutely no women anywhere for the whole length of the movie so I can only hope the gay vibes will increase.

I feel like people would complain a lot less about excessive running scenes in the hobbit if they watched Vertigo, Braveheart and Lawrence of Arabia.

This murder is homophobia. They were just starting to get gay.

And here we have the first bit of colonial propaganda.

There is nothing straight in a man sprawled over furs, looking from the down up another man in uniform.

“Who do you take your advice from?”

“I’d like to hear the blonde twink”

Maybe there is a bit of colonial critique? Did I walk in biased? Is this just a white saviour story? I admit I know nothing of the historical figure besides the fact that he was supposed to be hot as fuck.

Since running shots were too dynamic let’s have a couple of minutes of a man sitting.

And then more gay vibes. “I will cross the desert with you”

Ali is a gorgeous man here to bless my television screen. For all you Drarry artists those two are a great reference. You’re welcome.

All these stolen glances and open competitiveness are a gift upon me.

It might just be the translation but Lawrence just left “the kids” with Ali. We’re already in married with children territories.

I make fun of all the riding shots but the flat lines of the desert horizon and sky are actually very nicely used to create narrative tension.

We have very nice baby gays and distinguished adult gays.

What is this, only accepting water from his husband? Is this tender gayness I see?

Lawrence just let Ali give him another name. He changed his name. Fuck this. This is so tenderly, achingly homosexual.

He tucked him in and he is burning the symbols of his belonging to anyone but Ali himself.

Nice textbook cultural rebirth but it’s so gay I love it.

Still white savioury. I was momentarily blinded by the gayness of it all but mother brought me back on track.

“What are you doing here, English?”

“What you see, frolicking in the desert.”

We were lacking in child soldiers now that I think about it.

This shade is sharp. For a people that lives in the desert the art of throwing shade saves lives, and Ali did say he knew how to read.

I just realized 138 minutes is just part 1, there are 80 more after that. I hope the tender gayness can carry me through.

Ali brought him flowers and called him prince, but now they’re splitting up.

Ali is watching him go all misty eyed and I want to hold him because I feel he’s going to die soon.

One of the baby gays is dead. Now I’m even more scared.

At the 2 hours mark I’m taking a break to have dinner. By my calculation I still have a  hour and a half to go.

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