Today The Girl Ringing Me Up At The Gas Station Said “ok, Have A Nice Day. I Love You” And I Said

I learned how to love myself when I chose to love humanity. 

I think it's hilarious that hands down the worst way to learn magic is the actual rulebook. Please do not read that. It's just there for reference when something weird happens

Babygirl I can make references to media I haven't even consumed

i think all quiet on the western front and the lord of the rings are in direct conversation with each other, as in theyre the retelling of the same war with one saying here’s what happened, we all died, and it did not matter at all and another going hush little boy, of course we won, of course your friends came back

You wouldn’t think that flamingoes are extremophiles just from looking at them. It’s like somebody tried to build the vertebrate equivalent of that fungus that lives inside nuclear reactors, and ended up with a gangly pink dinosaur with a spoon for a face.

Turn based sex. Take as long as you need to think of a strategy.

if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it.