My Younger Sister Announced She Was Going To Marry Tom Holland When She Grew Up.

Lester: hey, do you think I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

Zeus: I don't regret my decision in turning you mortal. You're clearly a hazard to society.

Meg: and a coward. Do twenty.

Edmund Pevensie lion witch and the wardrobe

Edmund felt a sensation of mysterious horror.

Half of Apollo’s myths is just him (tryna) being a good dad

My mom helping me with homework: If John has 90 apples and you take away 11 times 5 how much is it?

Me: *takes longer than 30 seconds to reply because I’m doing the math*

My mom: IF JOHN HAS 90 FRICKING APPLES AND YOU TAKE AWAY 11 TIMES 5 BENDITAS MANSANAS CUÁNTO TIENES HIJA????*

Me: I don’t know!*whimpers*

My mom: Didn’t they teach you this in school! And don’t talk back to me.

Me: no...

My mom: Ay Dios Mío, ima get your dad and see what he has to say about this.

My dad: You calculate the 500th degree angle of the 5 to get 6 and then you add how many you have left over our previous equation...

Me: OH MY GODS IM NEVER ASKING FOR HELP AGAIN

*basically means in Nicaraguan- a type of Spanish- Lol- IF YOU HAVE FIVE F***ING APPLES HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE LEFT??????

I remember when I was in like high school and I’d be sleeping in my bed peacefully, and then I’d wake up and be like- Wait a minute, why isn’t my mom yelling at me to go downstairs and eat?

So I walked to the window and saw snow falling to the ground. I’d go back to bed and snuggle in the covers when my mother would burst in and tell me it was only a two hour delay and I’d feel like murdering somebody.

Also, when I wanted snow, I’d look out the window and be like- cmon snow! Snow! And the snow would never fall and I’d have to go to school.

Please tell me I’m not the only one...

Hallmark

Watching Hallmark movies should deserve a prize.

If by choice, you get the prize of You Could Love In Hell, and if by force, Bless Your Soul. I have a very bad reputation with Hallmark Movies, as my grandmother on my moms side watched TeleNovelas I suppose I should be used to it, but my aunt loves Hallmark movies. The drama, the love, the Christmas, the mystery. The whatever there is in Hallmark movies.

Oh, I’m not being mean to those who think watching Hallmark is a hobby and they adore it, I just feel like nobody should be forced to watch cliche romance.

Love, Hestia M.

My band on a daily basis lol

our bd hasnt been giving us any time to tune during rehearsals so we up in the high woodwinds like

clarinets: have completely given up

flutes: still frantically trying to match pitches between songs

Me: I mean, there can't be more beautiful people in this seri-

Rayla's Parents:

Me: Well, fuck.

cop: turn around

apollo: every now and then i get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming ‘round

cop: TURN AROUND

apollo: every now and then—

apollo: *gets tased*