By Dorothy Muriel

~✧°+* 34/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

06.09.2023

(this post was written several days in retrospect)

This is the day birthday preperations really kicked in, so a lot of cleaning was done.

I also attempted to be productive in the morning and looked for internships. I have to do one mandatory, 8 week long internship as part of my undergrad programm and it's the main thing holding me back from finishing my BA. I innitially wanted to do the internship around this time but wasn't able to find a spot, so I'm pushing it (and writing my thesis) back a whole semester.

Positive things I did today:

helped clean

looked for internships

Hours slept:  ~8hrs 30mins Screentime: ~9hrs 15mins Steps taken: ~700

Does anyone wanna be 2014 revival mutuals??

they should invent a being in your twenties in which you do not feel your life is unsalvageable and ruined

VIVA LAS VENGEANCE (2022) Panic! At The Disco

~✧°+* 11/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

10.08.2023

More literature review and spending lots of time outside.

Building and keeping routines has always been a struggle for me. It works during the semester because I build my personal routine (when to get up, when to have food, when to do chores) around my classes, but during the semester break it all falls apart :') So for the past week I've been making an effort to get up at a reasonable time and head outide right after getting ready. It's done wonders both for my productivity as well as my mental health

Positive things I did today:

kept the duolingo Spanish streak going

continued literature review

continued reading All Quiet on the Western Front

went for a walk

Hours slept: ~8hrs Screentime: 5hrs 30mins Steps taken: ~8.900

Various stars & moon details from my gouache paintings 🌙✨

saw someone refer to not knowing how to keep track of your money as "girl math" ......why are we in this weird era of treating women like idiots but repackaging it to sound cute and quirky. We All Need To Stop

the devil’s whispers:

you can do it tomorrow (if you don’t do it now you’ll never do it ever)

you have a lot of time left (life is actually pretty short and we don’t have that much time)

you can skip this one little thing today (you are functioning solely due to the fact that you have a routine)

i must respond to this one thing that is bothering me immediately (you don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head)

I must check my phone (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head)

panicking is productive (panicking never makes a situation better, but in fact exacerbates it)

I must listen to music while doing the most minute task (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head. and I like music as much as the next person but moments of sheer silence are crucial)

I must befriend everyone (some people just don’t mesh together and that is ok)

I can skip working out for the day (working out does so much for ur physical AND mental health)

If misfortune happens to me it’s because I am uniquely unlucky (misfortune has nothing to do with preordained circumstances and everything to do with random odds)

If I am mistreated it’s because I am a horrible person and I deserve it (most times people are projecting their issues onto u and it has nothing to do with u)

if I make a mistake I am uniquely horrible (we are all human and we all make mistakes. the important thing is to hold ourselves accountable and learn from them)

I must have this one thing I really want now (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head. also whatever u want will still be here tomorrow so this sense of urgency is false)

I am uniquely hated/disliked/ostracized (most people are busy w their own lives and don’t have the time to be hating on u. and if they really are then their life is pretty empty and their opinion should not be held in high regard to begin with)

I just finished reading All Quiet on the Western Front and I have so many thoughts and feelings, I don't know where to put them, what to do with them, how to deal with them.