If C1′s Finale Was A Homage To A Life Well-lived, A Heartfelt And Bittersweet Goodbye, With Liam O’Brien

y’all are missing out on the funniest relationship dynamic of CR2

Forget about the tangled web of love that stretches between the M9 (barring Caduceus our aroace king of staying out of drama), I would love if the love triangle between Fjord, Jester and Caleb just somehow naturally fell into a little triad all on its own.

Like no dramatic love confessions, they do that shit constantly with each other in secret little ways, but just Jester coming home to her mother like

Jester: mama I want to introduce my partners to you

The Ruby: ah yes that handsome orc boy that you kept going on about, he was so--

The Ruby: wait, partners???

Jester: lmao yeah I have Fjord, who rejected an eldritch monster he was accidentally raising to get close with Mother Nature herself, but that hobo wizard who eventually cleaned himself up and became one of the most powerful casters around is also my bf.

The Ruby, the actual sex god on this plane of existence and all others: hell yeah my daughter deserves the best, get ‘em my baby girl.

The dynamics of it are so funny as well. Like, Caleb is a highly respected wizard now under the tutelage of several powerful figures, so any time he goes to some sort of elbow-rubbing-fancy-pancy wizard event he of course brings his beaus.

And people are like??? “Ah yes, members of the iconic and world-saving group you are part of Mr Widogast, they must be of such high pedigree.”

And then someone recognises Fjord as Captain Tusktooth who had some sort of fake accent going on for years at a time (and didn’t he sleep with that Captain lady who was horny for water or something??? And then get her killed by the pirate king? There was something about a forbidden eldritch god?) and is praying that Mr Widogast’s other partner is normal--

but the first thing that Jester tells anyone is: “have y’all heard about my mother, best lay in the land? I am the daughter of the greastest sexer around and my childhood imaginary friend is my personal god, anyway how are you?”

Even better, out of the three, the tiny blue tiefling is the only one who can pick up and hoist their partners around, making the comical sight of long-cat and long-suffering Caleb being slung bonelessly over one shoulder, while a blushing Fjord is held like a football under the other as Jester parades them down the street in her cute frilly dresses.

Fucking FjordxJesterxCaleb is where the good shit is at wake up sheeple

Looks like they could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll: Harry Potter

Looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you: Hermione Granger

Looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll: Ron Weasley

Looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you: Ginny Weasley

Could kill you by feeding you too many cinnamon rolls: Molly Weasley

BILL CIPHER

Krei: You've been avoiding me, Callaghan.

Abigail: How did you do that without turning around?

Krei: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Everyone talks about how much Emily, Ally and Lou heckle Brennan on a daily basis, but we don’t talk enough about how it’s Siobhan immediately pick up the instigators thread and fuxking bolting. 69% of Bullying Brennan sessions are someone starting shit and the other 31% is siobhan gleefully taking the chance to roast the man who once took over a room in her shitty NY apartment that fuck

the famous ass-eating monologue??? And it’s constant repeats through the seasons?? She just wants reddit to eat Brennan’s ass like he deserves

So I had a lot of feelings about the bubble changing Mabel, especially after reading this and of course this awesome post here, and then I began to wonder how it would fit in TAU. Also @marypsue helped too!

————

Mabel coming out of that bubble changed and Bill made a big mistake, using her mind to fuel his apocalypse. Mabel who is chaos personified, Mabel and Dipper who thought the reality warping would stop once they were out of the bubble but it…doesn’t look like it? Eek. But then there are more important things going on to worry about; that Mabel’s eyes are still glowing white, flowers that smell of macaroni and cheese follow in her footsteps, that there’s a herd of kittencorns springing into existence just at her mention-that all can wait. 

Here the Transcendence happens in the wake of Weirdmageddon, and the tear is repaired and the damage undone but nothing will ever be the same again and there is no hiding magic anymore. Here Bill still gets the shit beat out of him, still he tries to possess Dipper as he dies, still Dipper fights him and wins. 

And yet as Mabel watches, Dipper’s chest falls still, stops moving. She runs to him and puts her head on his chest, but there’s no beat, no sound. He’s dead, her twin is dead and no, no no. 

Mabel, eyes so bright white looking at them is like looking at the sun and encased in a bubble that swirls with a million colors. Mabel who tears reality apart, ripping into the very fabric of existence, shattering and reforming reality so that Dipper lives. 

The demon thing is kind of unexpected, she admits to herself afterwards, but at least Dipper is alive, is still with them, and that’s what counts.

After pulling that stunt Mabel returns to normal, her power spent in keeping Dipper alive, in helping him transcend. Or at least, that’s what it seems.

Because Dipper can’t see any trace of power left on his sister, doesn’t see anything out of the norm in her aura, in her soul, and yet sometimes it rains when she cries and one day snadgers are just, suddenly a Thing. Like, been around for all of human knowledge, in the history and science textbooks, yes of course snakes and badgers can make snadgers just like mules, duh. He has no idea what Mabel can do or how he does it and it terrifies him a bit (if he’s not the smart guy, then who is he?)

Dipper who still possesses Mabel to do Mystery Twin cult-bashing shenanigans but he doesn’t peek into her Mindscape any more, not after the last time left him on the floor staring at the ceiling dazedly and wondering what the fucking fuck he just saw. Dipper who eons from now will have the might to destroy the world (he knows this, feels it in his bones), but he looks at his sister and knows with that same bone deep certainty that if she wanted to, Mabel could destroy it all now without a second thought. Because he is still bound by rules and deals and wards but there is nothing constraining Mabel, nothing that can hold her back other than herself. Dipper and the day he realizes he holds not just Bill’s power within him, but Mabel’s as well and then he goes and stares at the wall for a bit.

(He laughs when people call him the Lord of Chaos. He’s no ruler, only its servant and subject. Mabel, though. Mabel is the Empress of Chaos, the embodiment of madness and sheer possibility.)

Mabel doesn’t tell Henry at first because honestly, it’s almost never a big deal or issue and she isn’t sure how to explain and there’s the whole “my brother is a demon” thing and dating moves to getting married and it never comes up. Then Mabel gets pregnant and suddenly everything is going haywire. All the cartons of ice cream at the supermarket turn to pickle flavor, she cries and it rains frogs and kittens and bowties. And one day Mabel leans up to kiss Henry and burps madness bubbles in his face on complete accident oh my god. Henry gets a bubble full in the face and afterwards coughs up some fur and feathers and just Looks at Mabel. They end up on the couch, Mabel curled up in his lap, and murmuring into his shirt because she’s so scared and she fucked up and she doesn’t know where to start or how to explain and and-

Henry just gives her a gentle hug, and “It’s okay, you told me now, that’s the most important thing.” Then he looks at her stomach and asks “Um, are the babies going to do that burping thing?” and she laughs because everything is okay again.

(She makes him feel like the hero of all his favorite stories, the books where the brave adventurer stumbles into a world stranger and vaster and far more magical than their own. When they kiss sometimes his mind explodes into a riot of color and sound, madness on her lips. She’s disorder and bedlam incarnate and the kindest, sweetest woman he knew and every day he felt so privileged to be loved by one such as her.)

Dipper telling the kids bedtime stories about how Mom saved the world; he just did the cleaning up afterwards. Willow looks at her mother and Mabel in Willow’s eyes are the swirling colors of madness bubbles, a thousand flashing swirling maelstrom of color. It should hurt her eyes, hurt her brain but it doesn’t because, well, it’s Mom (and if Mabel is Chaos, then the triplets are the children of Chaos. There’s a bit of madness in all three of them.) Triplets and the shenanigans they get into because like attracts like, and weird attracts weird.

Willow still almost drowns when she’s fourteen, and Henry still becomes the Woodsman, but the difference here is that when they call Mabel, they don’t get thirty seconds into the call before there’s a feeling of plib and Mabel spilling out on the floor of the living room, the thousands of miles from Australia to Gravity Falls nothing to her will. Dipper can see the tear in reality his sister made mending itself. (He can see what would have happened if it had been him and her that rescued Willow. Sees eyes glow a cleansing, horrifying white and a pink haze rise around her. Sees her raise a hand and clench it into a fist and every soul in the room is obliterated, gone completely from the cycle of reincarnation, completely and utterly dead and gone in a way that no demon, no god, not even him can do. His sister glows and blazes before his eyes and she is utterly terrifying.)

It’s easier, in this timeline, for Henry to accept the Woodsman. How can he not, when he looks at his wife and there’s something beyond human comprehension hiding in her skin, sometimes he holds her at night and the world goes mad around him and he loses all sense of time and place and self. But she’s more than that, she’s love and sweetness and distractability and maybe there’s something a little (a lot) Wyrd about her but that’s not all of who she is, just like the Woodsman is not all of who he is. And maybe he’s not quite human any more, but neither is she, and together they make a perfect pair.

Just.

Literal Goddess of Chaos and Destruction Mabel Pines.

AFTG au where everything is the same except Neil and Andrews attempts at gifting each other CRAZY FUCK-OFF expensive things is somehow ratcheted up another notch until someone (Nicky) notices them spending their literal life savings on each other and calls them out on their mutual attempt at making each other their sugar baby.

(Neil is confused as per usual, Nicky is fuxking delighted at these disaster gays competing to make the other their baby without a single word, and the rest of the foxes are internally screaming about how dumb the whole scenario is because neither will admit something more is going on. Aaron just doesn’t want to think about his brother fucking anyone let alone the suicidally stupid sugar baby who has the mafia after him)

(Andrew is contemplating murder more than usual while simultaneously looking at bigger houses in Columbia because Neil just upgraded his car that fucker)

The most homophobic thing about the Strange Case of Starship Iris is the fact that the agents listening into the crew’s frankly terrible attempts at discussing emotions, bartering for glasses of ice, Brian and Krejjh’s cute as fuck spouse banter, and the romance drama between Kay/Violet or Sana/Campbell/Ricky, is the fact they have not stopped investigating just to let this fucking sitcoms of a disaster crew continuing running.

Rip to the regime but if my queer ass was an agent I’d be convincing the higher ups to let me listen to Kay fail to woo Violet with mint leaves for hours.

Marichat/Reverse Crush AU/How-stupidly-complex-can-we-make-the-love-square-until-its-incomprehensible AU/Or whatever the fuck you call this

It starts because Chat remembers Ladybug's voicemail asking if Marinette was "cute" way back with Evillustrator and snowballs with every dodged request for Multimouse on the grounds of "keeping her safe" since her "identity was known".

And Chat, as he's want to do, puts 2+2 together and gets fucking 23.

Now Chat thinks Ladybug is not only in love with Marinette, but has been secretly pretending to be in love with the famous oTheR BOy maybe to throw Chat off her scent, or maybe because she thinks he won't accept her, oh my god does she think he's homophobic??? What should he do???

Be a good friend and support her, that's what!

Meanwhile, Ladybug has been going through the 5-stages of grief thinking Chat has been scorned by Adrien Agreste at some point since every time she mentions the model Chat's response is increasingly hostile. At first she thought Chat hated Adrien, but all his comments seem to be critical of his inability to face conflict?? Or show his true feelings?? "Pretty boy" is said with such scorn that Ladybug (who is also the Anxiety-Catastrophic-inclining Marinette who regularly declares her own death at minor inconveniences and whenever she gets hit with her long list of secondhand embarrassments) has made up a whole backstory of how Chat is secretly bisexual and is using Ladybug to get over his horrific attempt at trying to express his feelings towards Adrien oh poor Chat she totally understands where you're coming from you poor kitty.

Cue Chat trying to wheedle out Ladybug's secret relationship with Marinette by making more comments about Multimous and how nice it was to do that mission with Marinette! Can he do it again? While also making more visits to her balcony to figure out why LB fell in love with his shy, awkward, yet brilliant classmate and oh god oh no she's actually really funny and sassy and way too cool for Chat or Adrien LB has fucking TASTE!!

(he also has been really emphasising his support for gay rights every time he hangs out with Ladybug (which isn't helping his 'secret pining bi' angle LB is frothing over) to the point where even local news outlets and the LadyBlog are debating whether Chat is queer af (which has always been a pretty firm belief in Paris, what with the leather outfit and hand gestures like ✨you know✨) or just pro-LGBT+)

On the other hand, Marinette has being trying to suss out this ""secret mean side"" of Adrien's that has made Chat into such a scorned lover, resulting in her being a little cooler to Adrien, which in turn has made her actually capable of speaking to him now he isn't some perfect figure on a pedestal.

("Plagg! Marinette frowned at me when I accidentally bumped into her today and told me to 'watch it, pretty boy' before leaving!!! She didn't stutter like usual, which I thought she did because she hated me, but what does this mean now????"

"That I'm not paid enough for this")

Except Chat has also been sniffing around her balcony a lot and she can't help but feel sorry for a fellow Adrien-Lover, so now she's been spending a lot of free nights with him and wow he's actually so sweet and shy beneath the flirty attitude and oh no he's actually kind of hot, and if Ladybug was the rebound from Adrien does that make Marinette a viable love interest??? W H A T???

This got away from me, but honestly we're at the point that it'd be so much funnier to make the lovesquare even more complex like yeah fuck it up you two dumbasses.

Ever heard of that one text post where OP’s sister burns her hand and pulls this schist? Yeah. Yeah. Seemed like a very Hamada-esque thing to go down, sO…

razzlepazzledoodot if I burn u burn with me