I’ll Have What He’s Having

   "Jeremy." he whispered. Scout stayed hugging himself, staring at the river below.  "Schatz..."  He let his eyes dart over to Johan, and God... The man was like his own personal Medusa, trapping him in place whenever he saw his eyes. That was how the story went, right?

   "Doc-" 

   "I would kill for you."  Scout hadn't been able to say anything. He didn't even remember if he had anything to say. He just sat, sitting on the edge of the bridge, staring helplessly into the Medic's painfully sincere eyes. He was good at acting, Scout knew that. Scout had seen him lie, knew that he was better at it than the friggin' Spy. This... This was so honest it hurt.

   The silence was like a gap in the universe; Time wasn't passing, nothing was moving, it was just the cool blue light from the moon shining onto Johan's gorgeous face and that one sentence, hanging in mid air. "I love you" had been big, but it hadn't stopped everything. "I need you" had been a desperate cry caught in the dark between kisses, but it had been made important by how fast everything was flying around them.

   "Jeremy?" Johan asked quietly, snapping time back into motion. Scout blinked.

   "I-I... Doc?" he stammered. His heart was pounding. Kill? For... Him? That shouldn't be that shocking, he had seen Medic kill before. Hell, he probably enjoyed killing more than anyone else at Mann Co. But everyone just respawned at the end of the match and shook hands. Did that count? Nobody was really dead, nobody left with any long lasting trauma, and none of them were gonna get charged with murder... Probably. He must have instinctively flinched away from the older man, because his much larger hand flew to Scout's, almost like he was begging him to stay. Scout didn't need him to beg. Scout would have forced himself to stay.

   "I... I'm sorry-" Medic began.

   "Do you mean it?" Scout breathed, catching him off guard. Johan's blue eyes scanned him for something, some hint of ulterior motives... Or something. His mouth was open just a crack, making him look so vulnerable, so afraid to be rejected by a boy half his age and half his size. Scout watched as he closed the crack and swallowed, putting himself back together as the unstoppable force of nature that was the RED Medic.

   "Yes. Of course." he answered, firmly. The sincerity in his eyes didn't hurt anymore. It was still intimidating, and frankly fucking terrifying, but it wasn't a terror meant for Scout. It was meant for anyone who would be stupid enough to get between them. Be it Spy, or the jackasses in the real world, or hell, the Administrator or... Or... Who cared? They were all the same, just squishy lumps of blood and meat that Johan could tear apart without even a second thought. All that power... All that primal terror, it was Scout's to control. "I would kill for you" wasn't just the manic joy that he took in violence, it was devotion. Medic would kill for him, for Scout. Nobody else.

   He pushed himself forward and threw his arms around the older man's neck.

   "I love you." he whispered, threading his fingers through the greying hair at the back of his head, holding onto it like a lifeline. As sure as the sun would rise in the morning, Medic's hands did the same. One on the small of his back, the other cradling his head, finding lifelines of his own.

"I love you too." Just one hand was nearly the size of Scout's whole head, and that just made him feel safer. He could squeeze his eyeballs out of his skull without breaking a sweat, but he wouldn't. He was soft, gentle, warm... Only for him. And God damn, wasn't that the best feeling in the world.

slowly approaching bear

my scout loadout is so polite

hey since you’ve posted two pieces in a row about my boy Scout I was wondering if maybe you could write more your thoughts/your hcs about him? I think he’s really interesting and I don’t often see people realize that he’s more complex that what he seems, like this man just seems very sad inside. i really like your analyses and your takes are some of my favorites

hope you have a good day!

Appreciate it! Although I probably won't say anything particularly new... Okay, let's talk about Scout!

Though he no doubt wears the persona of a confident cool guy, protecting his ego from vulnerability, I wouldn't say there's sadness inside him. More accurate would be fear.

People with sadness baggage are pretty passive and quiet. And Scout's reaction is to hit, run, scare away, cling anxiously to the object of security. That's fear. He's fearful.

He doesn't think about it much, he's a pretty happy guy in the environment he's in. But if something makes him go off the rails and he starts, God forbid, thinking.....

His core fear is not living up to his place in the world. He knows there's a place for him, but for some reason he feels like people think he's not good enough to take it. Anyone better and stronger could take his place at any time. He's on bird's rights here.

Growing up with older brothers, being not good at school, being the smallest and youngest mercenary of the team, this feeling doesn't leave him ever. It's a tiresome inner struggle: "How do I make my stay secure?", "How do I become worthy?"

Falling into this cognitive trap of searching for self validation in the outside world instead of inside of himself, he was doomed to be stuck in ambivalence:

To continue to pretend, risking being exposed as an imposter, or to be sincere and inevitably endure the unbearable pain of rejection and loneliness?

He laughs and taunts and overexplains himself so much. He clings to the only thing he's better than everyone at. He overcompensates; he demands attention and tries to make himself bigger. He hates being alone as it basically feels like being actually pushed off his place in the world. He clings to people but immediately pushes them away for being too dangerously close to finding out his fears. He needs to be with everyone to know and to control what they think about him.

And it never makes him calm down anyway, since all those efforts take a lot of energy. Tiresome to be, tiresome to pretend. And the prize is nowhere near the sight.

This loop of pain will never end, unless he breaks the very core mindset of his. The answer is stepping into this fear, but he can't even think about it! It feels like death! His ego will die and it's going to feel like he's dying as a whole.

A full existential, primal fear of an child to be rejected by his parent. "Not worthy of living".

(Based on the Lise Bourbeau's model of 5 soul wounds: Abandonment)

Whomp whomp

idk if anyone has done this yet but uhmmm

og down below

Sneak peeks of some horses I've been posting on Patreon 🐴

How to Seduce the TF2 Mercs

Scout

Pay attention to him. Give him genuine compliments and honest feedback. He wants to feel loved and like he's worth someone's time.

Kisses and physical affection. Mans thinks about the time you put your hand on his shoulder for weeks.

Just say you love him, man. He's been overlooked his whole life.

Soldier

Take him seriously- don't belittle him or make jokes about how he views the world. He knows he's a little crazy but he is genuinely trying his best to make the world a better place.

Defend him!!! If someone shit talks him, punch that motherfucker in the jaw!!

Honest discussions with you asking a lot of questions, take the time to get to know him and you'll have a defender for the rest of your life.

Pyro

Much like with Soldier, defend them and take the time to get to know them.

Gifts, gifts, gifts!!! Give them gifts!

Be a little flirty ;> don't baby them! Treat them like the adult they are!

Demoman

Bro just ask to fuck. He'll probably say yes.

He loves a bold mf that knows how to take what they want. Come on to him, buy him a drink, and ask if he's got any company for the night.

If you're going for something a little more long term, just remove the sleeping aspect. Just say you're interested in getting to know him you'll most likely get a date and see how things go.

Engineer

He's a sucker for practical use gifts (i.e. mechanical oil, a new wrench, etc) or sentimental gifts (photograph of you two, love letters)

Call him handsome! Call him pretty and a gentleman! Appeal to that cowboy energy and treat him all respectful like and you'll definitely catch his interest.

If you're not the type to do all that song and dance, go the opposite route. Stump him with a logistic problem and tease him about it. He'll nonstop think about you for months and bitch about you to his sentries.

Heavy

Mikhail likes hotheads and determined people, someone who's not afraid to fight if the situation comes to it.

Ask him about general things and slowburn that mf about nice conversations until you two can talk about personal things.

Ask him to help you clean your guns! Ask him weaponry questions about what would suit you better in the field!

Medic

GET THIS MAN SOME ORGANS. GET HIM SOME FUNDING!!!! get him a lil lovebirddddd

Take the time to get to know his birds and if the birds like you, Medic automatically likes you more.

Take an interest in his medical discoveries and his life! He's a prime yapper and wants to t a l k. That's why he never shuts up when doing surgery.

Spy

Romance him traditionally, to be honest. Keep it classy and court him like the romantic he is. Roses placed in his locker, prime dinners delivered to his door, BE A ROMANTIC ABOUT IT.

If you can't dance, ask him to teach you "for a mission" (He will know that you're the one behind all the flirtatious gestures bc he's SPY)

Butter up that man like he's a piece of toast. Handsome young man who captured your heart and holds it hostage. Classy gentleman that could get away with world domination with gorgeous eyes like that.

Sniper

Don't come on too strong, he's a bristly one. Be calm and casual. Hit him with that friends to lovers.

He's more of a tough nut to crack and insecure of if you actually like him, so be sure to flood his mind with ambiguous hints when you think you see signs of him showing interest in you.

To really seal yourself in his heart, spend a lot of quality time with him! Go camping, hunting, fishing, driving, anything that gets the both of you alone and quiet.

This is another redraw of something I made a while ago :] edit I low-key hate the way Medica face looks In this tbh