Reblog The Money Pigeon For A Financially Stable Future

debating if it would be funnier to have a bumper sticker saying "my other ride is a [exact make and model of the car the sticker is on]" or "my other ride is a [equally shitty but different car]"

How to Seduce the TF2 Mercs

Scout

Pay attention to him. Give him genuine compliments and honest feedback. He wants to feel loved and like he's worth someone's time.

Kisses and physical affection. Mans thinks about the time you put your hand on his shoulder for weeks.

Just say you love him, man. He's been overlooked his whole life.

Soldier

Take him seriously- don't belittle him or make jokes about how he views the world. He knows he's a little crazy but he is genuinely trying his best to make the world a better place.

Defend him!!! If someone shit talks him, punch that motherfucker in the jaw!!

Honest discussions with you asking a lot of questions, take the time to get to know him and you'll have a defender for the rest of your life.

Pyro

Much like with Soldier, defend them and take the time to get to know them.

Gifts, gifts, gifts!!! Give them gifts!

Be a little flirty ;> don't baby them! Treat them like the adult they are!

Demoman

Bro just ask to fuck. He'll probably say yes.

He loves a bold mf that knows how to take what they want. Come on to him, buy him a drink, and ask if he's got any company for the night.

If you're going for something a little more long term, just remove the sleeping aspect. Just say you're interested in getting to know him you'll most likely get a date and see how things go.

Engineer

He's a sucker for practical use gifts (i.e. mechanical oil, a new wrench, etc) or sentimental gifts (photograph of you two, love letters)

Call him handsome! Call him pretty and a gentleman! Appeal to that cowboy energy and treat him all respectful like and you'll definitely catch his interest.

If you're not the type to do all that song and dance, go the opposite route. Stump him with a logistic problem and tease him about it. He'll nonstop think about you for months and bitch about you to his sentries.

Heavy

Mikhail likes hotheads and determined people, someone who's not afraid to fight if the situation comes to it.

Ask him about general things and slowburn that mf about nice conversations until you two can talk about personal things.

Ask him to help you clean your guns! Ask him weaponry questions about what would suit you better in the field!

Medic

GET THIS MAN SOME ORGANS. GET HIM SOME FUNDING!!!! get him a lil lovebirddddd

Take the time to get to know his birds and if the birds like you, Medic automatically likes you more.

Take an interest in his medical discoveries and his life! He's a prime yapper and wants to t a l k. That's why he never shuts up when doing surgery.

Spy

Romance him traditionally, to be honest. Keep it classy and court him like the romantic he is. Roses placed in his locker, prime dinners delivered to his door, BE A ROMANTIC ABOUT IT.

If you can't dance, ask him to teach you "for a mission" (He will know that you're the one behind all the flirtatious gestures bc he's SPY)

Butter up that man like he's a piece of toast. Handsome young man who captured your heart and holds it hostage. Classy gentleman that could get away with world domination with gorgeous eyes like that.

Sniper

Don't come on too strong, he's a bristly one. Be calm and casual. Hit him with that friends to lovers.

He's more of a tough nut to crack and insecure of if you actually like him, so be sure to flood his mind with ambiguous hints when you think you see signs of him showing interest in you.

To really seal yourself in his heart, spend a lot of quality time with him! Go camping, hunting, fishing, driving, anything that gets the both of you alone and quiet.

Thinking about medic being afraid of mortality.

Not in the normal way that humans are, but like... You know.

He's done everything in his power to make sure he *won't die*

He's made deals with religious entities he doesn't even believe in, he's gone against every law of science he can possibly break to find out what combination of organs and chemicals and horrible unethical surgeries will make someone invincible. He's done everything he can, and maybe it's enough.... For him.

But then he fell in love.

He fell for Scout. He fell for a clumsy little idiot who doesn't have any sense of self preservation. Scout charges headlong into a stream of bullets guarded by nothing but his thin, Mann Co issue t shirt and the hope he's fast enough to dodge it all. He's not, he never is, and Medic is so constantly aware of it.

But he can't recreate everything he did on scout. Scout isn't going to be the invincible übermensch that he made himself into, scout is always just gonna be a skinny kid from Boston with a buck toothed smile that, for some reason, medic can't stay away from.

He's waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, furiously checking Scouts pulse and making sure he's okay, because what if he just... Fades away? What if he's just gone one moment and that's it? All his work is for nothing because he can't enjoy it with anyone? He can't enjoy being alone anymore, not now that he's waking up every day with a muffled "mornin' tough guy, you sleep good?" in his ear. He can't live as the most powerful man in the world anymore, not if it means he can work late at night without Scout coming in and blabbering in his ear about something he has no interest about. Not if it means he's got to sleep alone again. Not if it means that he has to go back to being blissfully unattached, apathetic to human life, just doing whatever benefits *him*.

Because things were definitely easier without Scout, he didn't have any worries, any panicked nightmares about watching him bleed out because he's so painfully and horribly *human*

But as stressful as it is, hes... Happy. And he's never had that before. He's been content, he's been curious, he's been manic and obsessed, but never just... Happy. Happy to lay on the couch with a comforting weight on his chest, the weight of a much smaller man who loves him for everything he does no matter how insane. And he loves scout too, despite everything.

He can't function anymore. Everything he knew, everything he's been working for, it's all.... Worthless now, isn't it? All for a boy half his age with the emotional awareness of someone even younger.

But he would still choose scout. Every time.

How to create an atmosphere: Club

Sight

strobo light

very different styles of clothing

groups of girls and groups of guys huddled together

people dancing wild and free

people just slightly swaying from left to right

people grinding on each other

stressed barkeepers

bored looking security guards

vip areas

Hearing

loud music

whatever their conversational partner is screaming at them

a random girl crying in the bathroom

girls having random conversations with strangers in the bathroom

a fight breaking out outside or on the dancefloor

Touch

sticky floor

bodies bumping into each other

cold glasses with drinks in them

the hand of a friend out of fear of losing each other

bodies pressed together while dancing

Smell

the smell of sweat

the smell of alcohol

the smell of smoke from the smoke machine or from zigarettes or other substances

Taste

the taste of overpriced drinks

the taste of the smoke in the air from the smoke machines

the taste of a drunken kiss

Like fighting a mirror

Another Topics List

Word lists may be helpful for some people to overcome writer's block.

PERSONAL FEELINGS, OPINIONS, AND EXPERIENCES (Adjectives)

PLACES: Buildings

PLACES: Countryside

PLACES: Towns & City

WEATHER

Source: Cambridge English: Preliminary and Preliminary for Schools Vocabulary List (2012)

More: Word Lists ⚜ Topics Lists

Heavy: *sternly blocking their bedroom door* Doktor is not "ascending to godhood". Doktor is just sleep-deprived.

Medic: *wobbling as he charges towards Heavy* Outta my way, ungläubiger! I'm boutta liberate my divine self from this mortal shell!

Heavy: *stays still as Medic harmlessly bumps into him and falls to the floor* ...

Medic: *whimpers as he curls pathetically into a ball* ...hopital.