Brokenhearted

This One Guy

This one guy,

Has no hope

He's stuck in a hole without a rope

He believes that he doesn't have a future

He is too scared to tell her

What do think of this guy?

This one man,

Told her that he liked her

To him it's a blur

A streak of let downs

The waves of the sea creating sand mounds

This was a man

This was a boy,

He didn't have a dad

His name, John Conrad

He only has one good friend

Seems like he wishes his life would end

This fellow...

This guy,

Lost hope

When he didn't even need a rope

He didn't think outside of the box

Enjoyed the danger of the savage fox

This idiot...

This one,

Had conversations that were hazy

Drove a phasey girl crazy

Things You Should Never Think, Or Make Me Do

Number one, never make me prove you wrong in the way that I don’t need you

Number two, never make me wear a red dress with Bugs Bunny characters on it

Number three, don’t force me to conform to your idea of being a girl

Number four, don’t think that I won’t taste it, trust me, my taste buds will find a way

Number five, don’t make me rewrite something, because there’s a chance that I thought it was a masterpiece in the way that you thought that it was shit

Number six, don’t think that I am frightened

Number seven, don’t think about me, because you'll never understand, and I hope you never will

Number eight, don’t force me to do it your way, because, if I did it differently, that would obviously just be preposterous!

Number nine, don’t think that you can just stare at me like a creep, making me uncomfortable to ever wear cute summer dresses

Number ten, don’t make me feel the need to apologize for just being me!

Stop Pushing

I need a break

I need to break

I'm going to break

If you don’t let me have a break

I have been trained

To do what is best for me

No matter what

And I am allowed to do anything to keep myself okay

Okay

I'm currently not okay

Someone would make this okay

If they were around I think I would be o.k.

Nothing is holding me over

This is looking like a sleepless night

And not for partying reasons

Unless being burned out was a party

You don’t listen

So listen

Don’t push to the point that I don’t want to listen

Superfluous words you say and yet I continue to listen

So many words, my oh my oh me

You cant fix my life anymore, my oh my oh me

Let me handle how much I push myself, my oh my oh me

I know how much I can take without doing too much, my oh my oh me

Running And Fighting

All the wrong words rhyme

This poetry thing is getting old

And it’s hard to break patterns

It’s hard to be constantly doing something that terrifies you

So here is a messy clump of words with no organization

Here’s me, and I'm not sure who I am without poetry

It might be starting to fade because I've worn it out

But I don’t want to stop

At least not yet

Poetry is the only way I am allowed to rebel

That is without suffering the consequences

Writing is my way of running and fighting

Running and fighting is all I know

Running and fighting is all human nature knows

A lack of life and sleep makes me want to quit,

Running and fighting

Should I try to make the right words rhyme,

Even if it makes me more tired?

I guess that’s what I’ll do,

To make it feel like I’m getting somewhere,

With my endless, restless, wandering…

Wandering…

           Wandering…

                       Wandering

What Sweet Luck

Hair like black lace

A beautiful kind of tangled

I'm happy that I was once her case

Sophisticated

Yet humble

I'm intoxicated

On you

You hate chunky orange juice

I hate being away from you

So for now, you are my muse

You are becoming abstract thought

I find this interesting

My eyes searching but not

Getting caught

I'm high

On you and your missing presence

And yet you feel nearby

I'm reaching

For her extra crazy hope

That she’s superb at teaching

With her bad analogies

Her and her flawed

Perfectness

She was just the right kind of odd,

I'm like a spider with a web and she’s like a bug that’s stuck

She has no idea that she has been caught in my poetry

What sweet luck,

Because I miss you so

Reality

Filthy skin

I'm itching

To be an orphan

I'm waiting for lives to be gone

By then I'll be old

I'll be too late

I'm a failure either way

I need it badly

It's stuck on me

It has ruined me many times before

So I must go off to battle

See you long

Hidden secrecy

Private

Not stolen

My head is free unlike any words trapped on paper Memories run wild,

Fading

Should I let them slip,

Away?

I'm stuck in a lazy jail cell

I can't dig my way out in rhythm

If I could I'd still be stuck,

In an unfortunate life

I keep telling myself it's not going to happen

I already had my hopes set on fire

They're ashes of reality now

Oh reality...

Friend

I know you are hurting

You're like me, you're searching

You say you've been hurt before,

But I won't walk out the door

If you wish to, you'll open up,

But I won't push

A door that can only be opened from

the inside

Instead, I sit here,

With you, and near,

And

Simply

Be your friend My good friend wrote this to me!  Surprise!

Catch 22

I'm tired of this shell

And this name

And the world spinning

The problem is that I need to shatter myself

And it just seems impossible

Like an equation that I can’t figure out without being unstoppable

Problem is, the issues grow longer like this infestation of words

If only I knew the answer to the question of why?

Then I would have just another key,

That would lead to another empty chest

Because there’s none for me, nope not a pair

Except for emptiness like two pits of despair

Can’t you feel through your metallic layers?

I don’t like wannabe robots

Even if all you’ve done is make a helmet out of a kitchen strainer

Bee hives don’t dance for nothing, honey!

And I'm buzzing with kinetic energy,

With nowhere to go but this shell

Solved are not my problems,

Of being fucking stuck

Either way I'm seen as an evil little fucker

Stuck like cling wrap to this plastic world

Seemingly unavoidable in every imaginable possibility that I can think,

With my eyes held wide open I can’t even blink

In this torturous place I can’t live forever

Even if I can call it my own

Even if it’s here forever

My need to have this shell shattered is strong

I want to feel it shake and shatter

Hear it crack down like pitter, patter, smash

Shell, hell, what's the difference?

I like the fire in the devil that melts my cold heart

Because I'm tired of this invisible prison cell

Autumn Falls

I'm blowing warmth into my hands, As autumn falls like the leaves belonging to it The wind has regained its chipperness My booted feet begin to get clumsy People who say you should keep your head, Up; don’t know what they are talking about There are some bad roots you have to look down for Unless you want to get knocked down again The leaves changed fast this year Some are already brown, dry and ready to be decomposed Where’s your warm hand I thought I was holding? Where did I lose my big coat? Were you on the ship I purposely deserted and sank? Good! That’s what I wanted, At the time Now I'm lost with my flannel shirt and my snaky soul My cold nose and my mittens that no longer fit Well, decisions will get you someplace in the woods My best days are long behind and far ahead At least I can’t see my breath yet I have to find my clearing on my own That will be tough but I got myself here, I have to get myself back out Autumn you will not make me fall!

Dominos

After I goof for one night

Just for delight

All the dominoes started to fall

After I grew them so tall

I can't stop them from falling

Even after all the other times its still appalling

They continue

Like they have sinew

Until I get up and face it

I still don't have a permit

By then it's too late

The dominoes I try to berate

I must start building from the bottom up

Dear depression, just shut up

It seems like I finally got my dominoes straight

I lost my marbles then stepped on one, how great?!

They fall down like words from my brain right to the page

Spreading like bacteriophage

The world seems to be running out of words

We're not moving forwards

They get used up as they fall

Some I can't recall

It's all my fault that one fell

Should I tell?

Everyone thinks that all of them falling was my fault

But there's some left over words in the vault

It was just one goof night

Just for delight

If there was more space they wouldn't have fell

Turns out I didn't tell

What do you expect from a curious 16 year old?

Especially one who doesn't like fitting the mold

Lately I have had steady hands near the domino line

That was divine

Now all I can hear is the dominoes falling with that smooth ticking

The ones left standing you can find me kicking

As the white contrast with the black dots turn grey

What in the world will I say?

It was one goof night,

Full of delight

They are falling so speedily, I am unable to rack up the dots

All I see is flashing spots

I need a partner in crime

They could help me keep my black and white straight in time

The only thing left for me to do is sit back and stair

If the polka dotted towers had more air they might not have flared

I plead that it was just one goof night

That was full of delight