I Like Working At Plant Store. Sometimes You Ring Up Someone And There's A Slug On Their Plant And So

"Sister, it might be...", Eghishe Charenc (translated by metamorphesque)

Gothic revival home, ca. 1840 Thompson Connecticut

⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ 29/01/24

dear diary,

fear is such a weird thing? why do i care about what other people are doing and if i see them or if they perceive me,, i really shouldn't be having such limiting thoughts, i want to conquer all my social fears this week, i'm going to make it my goal.

today was very all over the place but i think it fell in place beautifully? even if it's not what i wanted. i think these days theres just comfort thinking in the air, as in how my clothes feel against my body or how the wind flows outside, the sound of the train station every morning, the squelchy noise my boots make every time i step on the pavement.. like that, is there a word for that? is it mindful thinking? i also want to focus on the present a lot this week.

my train ticket ended up declining this morning and for a moment it felt so humiliating but i then realised that it wasn't, i just had to put more money into my account and just move on, i now want to live like that. if it doesn't serve me i just move on with it.

i had mentoring today and it was so freeing to finally be able to discuss with a teacher why i struggle in certain lessons and how i can combat them,, now i just have to actual put that in practice

i also finally submitted a poetry piece into a college comp and im pretty proud of the piece ♡ i hope i have a chance of winning it but i also know that if i believe in myself i'll get the outcome that is most ideal

today was slightly anxiety inducing but mainly due to my own fears and self esteem, gives me something to work on~ i hope tommorow is a better day for myself.

I told my students they're allowed to be creative and don't have to be factual when writing about themselves in German because I keep getting questions like "what if I don't have roommates or what if I don't have hobbies" and I'm like guys just make something up! Have fun! I won't fact check you!

So now I am grading homework where a student is claiming to be from North Korea and his hobby is tax fraud

We need to stop being so anxious about our loved ones needing some space from us. It's ok to need some alone time, it's ok to take time to regroup after a disagreement, space does not equal separation, and our anxiety of separation is not a reason to deny someone the space they need. Even needing time everyday spend alone is normal. Some people need more space than others and that's ok. They will come around. Give them a minute.

⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ 2/2/24

todays been all about challenging emotions, not cause i wanted it to be but instead it has just come to the point where its making me feel a little crazy,, all of this pent up emotion has me looking at myself in the mirror different.

but i know i cant move forward without expressing all of this emotion, yet i keep on catching myself being so worried about other peoples expectations even when they arent even in my life anymore, not just that but also the way i look to other people. i dont want to be like that anymore its draining and irritating and ive been quite irritated today :( it takes patience to make everything fall into order and accept but i wish it was just like night and day, is this a form of karma or punishment? im not sure..

im trying to be kinder to myself and as long as im trying i know there will be an outcome.

but on the positive side i got bubble tea today with my best friend :)

Teresa Mei Chuc, from "scent of orange blossoms: haiku/senryu"

Colonizers write about flowers. I tell you about children throwing rocks at Israeli tanks seconds before becoming daisies. I want to be like those poets who care about the moon. Palestinians don’t see the moon from jail cells and prisons. It’s so beautiful, the moon. They’re so beautiful, the flowers.

— Noor Hindi, from “Fuck Your Lecture on Craft, My People Are Dying,” DEAR GOD. DEAR BONES. DEAR YELLOW.