Can You Fucking Please Look At Yourself With The Eyes Of A Lover? Fuck

⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ 2/2/24

todays been all about challenging emotions, not cause i wanted it to be but instead it has just come to the point where its making me feel a little crazy,, all of this pent up emotion has me looking at myself in the mirror different.

but i know i cant move forward without expressing all of this emotion, yet i keep on catching myself being so worried about other peoples expectations even when they arent even in my life anymore, not just that but also the way i look to other people. i dont want to be like that anymore its draining and irritating and ive been quite irritated today :( it takes patience to make everything fall into order and accept but i wish it was just like night and day, is this a form of karma or punishment? im not sure..

im trying to be kinder to myself and as long as im trying i know there will be an outcome.

but on the positive side i got bubble tea today with my best friend :)

NCT DREAM - Rains in Heaven

“it will always be new york or nowhere”

many of the ppl who are good at something have practiced copiously. practice copiously!!! you do not have to be naturally talented at something to do it well!!!!

⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ 28/01/24

dear diary,

okay, first diary entry here

today has been somewhat.. odd? i'm focusing on myself more than ever right now but it still feels as if i'm stuck at phase 1,, i dont like the feeling of being stuck but i know that in reality ive made a lot of progress ?? i guess i just have to keep on telling myself that i have moved forward. i think taking care of myself after an awful breakup is the best thing ive ever done, that person made me realise that i have a whole lot of healing to do but of course i dont like or resonate myself with the way they said it or how they treated me through out the time we were together, however dwelling on that thought and how they hurt me just isn't healthy at all, so i have nothing to do but accept the outcome as it is and work on myself that.

is it odd that i dont class it as a relationship? it's been months. it was hardly what lovers would do and in my mind what i would do or would want to do as a lover. i move on with the seasons so it isn't any of my concern anymore. i can't waste my energy on things that do not serve me, i am a being of light and should be treated as such.

i just want to love myself whole and stay in peace and solace, i need this right now ! all the focus is on me ♡ i'm now looking forward to new begginings, i know they'll serve me greatly

one of my friends sent me a few tiktok videos talking sbout how thankful she was to have me in her life and i think thats so beautiful, shes amazing and i love her too !! shes been nothing but amazing to me, i'll be sure to pay her back tenfold.

i've been getting a lot of loving messages from people around me these days and honestly it makes me feel so valued, i take it to heart a lot more than i used to you know? one of them also said they'd let smoke with them next time they got some more bud and i honestly think thats so nice

both me and my bestfriend are single and we've both felt more gratitude and gratefulness with each other more now than ever and we made this whole little plan for places to visit and i love it so much, shes taking me to a japanese restraunt on valentines ♡ i can't wait, shes truly my soulmate.

i guess im torn between searching for new love or loving myself. i think the best thing to do is to love myself until the person that fits my worth comes by.

i have a lot of assignments to catch up on but im not too stressed about them right now,, i know i'll be able to get the work done. as of right now i stay unbothered and want to stay unbothered for a long time lol, i stay vulnerable and small within my own circle.

It’s normal for your symptoms to worsen when you get out of a bad situation. There are any number of reasons this can happen and they’re all valid.

This doesn’t mean you were better off in the situation. This doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure because you’re struggling with it now.

*forgets to message back* *forgets to check notifications* *forgets to look through bookmarks* *forgets to check reminders* *forgets to check out [insert content] that i said i would* *forgets to take my phone off do not disturb* *forgets to

omd tiktok really does make me sad