One Of The Saddest Things Is When Someone In Your Family Tells You You Would've Loved Someone Who Died

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⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ 29/01/24

dear diary,

fear is such a weird thing? why do i care about what other people are doing and if i see them or if they perceive me,, i really shouldn't be having such limiting thoughts, i want to conquer all my social fears this week, i'm going to make it my goal.

today was very all over the place but i think it fell in place beautifully? even if it's not what i wanted. i think these days theres just comfort thinking in the air, as in how my clothes feel against my body or how the wind flows outside, the sound of the train station every morning, the squelchy noise my boots make every time i step on the pavement.. like that, is there a word for that? is it mindful thinking? i also want to focus on the present a lot this week.

my train ticket ended up declining this morning and for a moment it felt so humiliating but i then realised that it wasn't, i just had to put more money into my account and just move on, i now want to live like that. if it doesn't serve me i just move on with it.

i had mentoring today and it was so freeing to finally be able to discuss with a teacher why i struggle in certain lessons and how i can combat them,, now i just have to actual put that in practice

i also finally submitted a poetry piece into a college comp and im pretty proud of the piece ♡ i hope i have a chance of winning it but i also know that if i believe in myself i'll get the outcome that is most ideal

today was slightly anxiety inducing but mainly due to my own fears and self esteem, gives me something to work on~ i hope tommorow is a better day for myself.

your face has been carefully constructed, perfectly arranged. the curve of your hips and slope of your lips, the pull of your eyelids, the slightest dip in your back, they’ve been drawn through generations like a single red string to end up with you. in a way you carry the faces of your ancestors, and that alone—the fact that you are you, the fact that you’re what millions of years have brought forward—makes you worthy of life. you don’t have to be or do anything more, you don’t have to earn your breaths or heartbeats. you’re already meant to be.

Yasmeen Ghauri for Michael Kors // Fall 1991

pissing is actually a trauma response to drinking water

Glennon Doyle, Untamed

“Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out. So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day. You learn. And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten? But you’ve learned. So you listen to, “Can I borrow your key”s and “how was your day”s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead.”

— Good Girl, Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)

the trick for enjoying a new video game is avoiding the internet’s opinion on it 

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა 08/02/24

all is not lost and grief is needed in order to heal.

ive been trying to make myself all put together and healed up when i havent even done the first step yet which is grieving, ive been putting it off for so long but the reality is that healing does not come without intense emotional releases and i had no idea that i was damaging myself by not allowing myself to process it all, now that i did that today it is very much tiring but its so much more better than staying in an anxious and low state all the time. all is well !! and i believe i will get better and love myself more each and everyday

its really hard to admit that i let someone treat me like i was less than and believed it but also the fact that i saw myself as less deserving, i dont want to be hateful at my past self so all i can do is love and let go no matter how long it takes to do so,, i'll def be sleeping with a clear mind and come to the acceptance of that pain

but i also finished my kuromi lego set today !! look it >