Dream Journal 5
Dream Journal 5
This dream was full of pain. I pray even more that it was just a dream, because if this was real
I wish I could find this girl and rescue her. she was in so much pain, and so very scared. She was younger, not the same grown woman from my last dream. But the skin, the hair, the eyes I swear she was a twin, if not the same woman. But the setting was all wrong – it was dark, and dirty. It smelled of sweat and blood. Snarls and howls could be heard through the caverns. And this girl just sat, head resting on her chest, the final remnants of her sobbing slowly ending. Her legs were out in front of her as she sat, heavy chains bolted to the floor and clasped around her ankles. Her arms were held above her head, the blue skin marred with dark bruises and blood, her hands dangling limply from above the shackles around her wrists.
She coughed, weakly, before groaning, and I could feel the pain in her arms and legs. And then she, too, seemed to be aware of my presence. She couldn’t look up – so injured she was – but I knew she was talking to me.
“Please…help me.”
I know I moved toward her, but I actually did reach her. too many dreams I’ve had where I could not reach out and help, but this time I did get to her. I knelt in front of her, my hand resting softly on her cheek. “What happened,” I asked her, and she laughed bitterly.
“I’m hallucinating,” she said, slowly picking up her head to look at me. “Even you don’t know what happened”
I know I shook my head – I don’t think I said anything else the rest of the dream. I saw memories, rather than her explain what happened. Hulking men like wolves had surrounded her. She was escaping. They caught her and beat her. They broke her limbs to keep her from escaping again. She’d been here for days, hoping for rescue.
“Please…daddy…” I was brought back from the memories to see her head resting again. She was sleeping, though the look on her face showed she had no comfort here. I kissed her forehead, and before I knew it I was pulling my head out of the water of my bed. I came here frantically to write it all down – even now the memory of it is fading.
Who is this girl? What did she do to deserve such treatment? And why could she see me as well as the other…
As her twin? I know not how, but I know they were two very different people…and yet something about them is familiar to me.
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24S, 5AM
Another clear dream. Now and then they are crystal clear as if I am watching events unfold before me, a witness to things. Of course I have had dreams like these before, of memories of the Steppe. My tribe, my parents and family
This was strange though, fantastic in nature. I was flying, as easily as I could swim through a river. I could feel the wind in my face whipping my hair behind my head. I felt an energy wrapping around me, electric. I laughed and it was then I recognized the sound was not my voice but my head voice.
Everyone has a voice they use in their minds. I noticed some time ago mine is not the same as my spoken voice, and I know not when the two changed. But this voice I heard while flying over mountains of glass and steel was the one in my mind. I knew it was a dream then – because obviously the flying didn’t give it away. But when I realized I was dreaming I stopped in mid-air and turned to the mirrored surface of a mountain to look at my reflection, feeling something was amiss and that I was being watched. I managed to catch a glimpse of blue before I woke, and found myself in bed in my room, splashing in the shallow water.
You can’t convince me otherwise now.
Gap closers are just assault glomps.
🌑 4. Something they love but everyone hates.
Ana taps her chin. “Something I love…but everyone hates?” She shifts on the couch. “Well, I don’t think anyone hates swimming really, and reading is generally fun, right? Umm…cooking and baking are fun? I love…hmmm…
“Well, I suppose the one thing I get scolded on the most is the lack of clothing? I like going skyclad mostly (that’s what Lyta calls it), because it’s just easier to swim that way. Clothes get too heavy, and it takes too long to get undressed and then redressed and just…yeah…but that would what gets me scolded the most, so I guess that means people hate it? But not everyone does so maybe that doesn’t answer the question…hmm…hells with it. Naked. Final answer.” She nods, ending the discussion.
((Thanks @little-purple-thundercloud!))
This...always this...
Do you ever get that feeling?
I feel like this a lot about my friends.
Another journal entry...
It’s funny, I think Kiratai told me once, the more you practice something, the easier it becomes. It was when he was teaching me how to read and write in this tongue - and he was right. He usually is. The more I read, the easier it became. The more I practiced speaking, the easier it came to me.
I haven’t spoken hingan in kami be good, it’s been a few summers since. The steppe was different, I could slide into my natural tongue like sliding down a cool riverbank. Hingan was never my tongue, but I had to learn it with Aruktai.
Anzu introduced me to a visitor, a new friend. The poor girl was struggling with eorzean Anzu knew how to speak, and asked if I did, too. I expected I’d have to knock off a lot of rust
It was like someone else took over. The first ten minutes I had to concentrate on the words, really think about how to speak again, and then after that? It was as if it hadn’t been years since I last spoke it.
I wonder, sometimes, how much truth was in Kiratai’s words, and how much that there is something different happening
The dreams have continued - the song sounding so much more desperate as it invades my mind. Images of a barren world bathed in light a great pain to the dark tree I see planted in the center of my thoughts - but what does it all mean?
I need to ask someone if they know what it could mean. Could I still be suffering from when
Streaks of ink and tears...
they were there and I walked in and I panicked and I just walked away to go read in peace
is it not enough that they banish me from their friendship. but then they insist on taking my refuge from me as well?
i will give my gift this starlight and then i will not burden any of them any longer. no one wants me here anyway
🌕 An RP experience.
So, a rant about an RP experience from me, the mun…hmmm…I dunno, most of my experiences have been alright. I’ve had a few that haven’t been great…but in truth, I’m more frustrated/angry/guilty of being the one to be ranting about. I know I’ve made a mess of a few RP situations and burned a lot of bridges. The biggest issue with me is when depression sinks in and I have this feeling that…no one wants to play with me anyway…so what’s the point? That’s when I’m the worst…and all I can offer is that, if you happen to find yourself the target of my ire…just please be patient with me. I’ll come around in a day or two…I promise…
1st Sun, 5th AM
Why is it, after all this time, I still hope for peace instead of violence? That woman said it best, how can i be so naive?
Because I very nearly met the end of a blade, and it wasnt my fault. I was hoping for peace that day too and it ended with a death. even With her blood on my hands I know i was not fully to blame
and i know this man was evil i could see it written all over his stupid little face and in his aura he had no remorse I know he was sincerely scared of us all but he wasn’t apologetic, not enough to change. But even despite that, he wasn’t armed. His goons had fled. He was no threat.
I fear so often that maybe we’re NOT in the right, not all the time. How are we any different from that man, from Garlemald, from nemesis, if we’re willing to put a man to the sword with little justice except our own? why do they think that just because we have such power that we have liberty to exercise it whenever we feel? I was scared tonight - everyone seemed ready to murder this man. for what reason?? he loaned money to one of ours and demanded payment back? and when HE decided payment wasn’t enough, now we execute him? Uldah has laws for his kind. it’s not complete anarchy there
I hoped he’d want to live. he made his choice, and i will not lose sleep tonight over the fact that he was cut down AFTER he tried attacking. But I fear I will lose sleep knowing I am sleeping so close to people i consider my family because i keep seeing this side of them that is no different than the people i tried to entreat for peace before.
they took control of my mind and had me try to kill Lyta for them. and I very nearly succeeded.
what will this “family” do to me when i oppose them again?
Random thoughts while playing Shadowbringers...
...Ana would totally have a crush on Alisae if they ever met IC.
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